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Everything posted by Confidential_Con

  1. I've never heard that term before; what's it mean?
  2. I definitely don't think you're wrong to wonder if you're aro! Not having any crushes either growing up or as a young adult was part of what made me consider if I might be aro too. And as someone who is pretty darn certain he is, I can say that "maybe you just have high standards" and "maybe you just haven't met the right person yet" were things I was told too- I spent years thinking I just had ridiculously high standards and that's why I wasn't interested in anyone. I can't and won't tell you how to identify, but I can assure you that there are a lot of people here who've had experiences like yours. Personally, I've always had strong friendships and no desire for romance, even though sometimes I've wished I wanted to people just so I'd feel less abnormal. It's okay to not know for sure whether you're aro or not; I still don't really know where on the aro spectrum I am. Take as long as you need to think about it, and know you have a place here for as long as you want to be here.
  3. Hey y'all! Had my consultation with the surgeon, and figured I'd drop an update here in case it might help someone else. It went pretty well; I like to think I'm pretty well-informed about the risks of top surgery, so not much of what she warned me about was new (possible loss of sensation, scarring, needing later revisions my insurance probably won't cover, etc.) She didn't question me or argue with me about wanting to have a completely flat chest, which was a relief. I had to have my breasts photographed (just them, not my face thank god) and examined, which kind of sucked but let her confirm that my chronic pain fortunately/unfortunately is caused by them and is severe enough that my insurance is probably going to cover it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So now I'm waiting to hear back from my insurance company; once I do, I can schedule the surgery.
  4. I'm in a QPR with an alloromantic person and it's going fine. Communication is key, of course, but I think that's par for the course in all healthy relationships. They ID'd as a-spec for a while so they were familiar with the idea of QPRs without me having to explain it to them, and after a while our friendship got to the point where we both realized that yeah, what we had could probably be called a QPR. We make it work, but that might be because they've told me that they feel like they don't need to go have a romantic relationship with someone else to be happy. I'm not scared that they'll leave me for a girlfriend, and while it's not perfect because we're both humans with issues, we make each other happy and I think that's what relationships are about.
  5. First off, I'm so sorry; it's really difficult to come out to people you care about, especially if you have reasons to fear they'll react badly. *hugs* Second off, the most important thing is your safety. If you come out to him and it goes badly, do you think he'll put you in danger? It's okay to not come out right now if it's not safe; it doesn't mean you'll never be able to come out or that you'll have to hide it forever. It's not fun, but it's okay to wait until you feel safer. Now, if you do feel comfortable and safe coming out to him, if he's really your best friend he'll stand by you. If he doesn't, it's better to find out now than spend more time with someone who won't accept you as you are.
  6. *shrug* Feelings are strange and confusing. I've never had a crush (or for that matter, a squish) and I'm still not entirely sure what romance even means. I love and care very deeply for my friends and my partner, and I don't get what separates that from romance. I don't know what the heck my feelings for my partner are; I don't mind people assuming we're a romantic couple instead of a QPR, though I wish that more people outside of the aro community knew it was a thing. I don't have butterflies in my stomach or get nervous around them, but they make me very happy and I want to make them happy too. I mostly identify as just aromantic, but recently I'm wondering if something like either quoiromantic or demiromantic would fit me. I know either way I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum, I just don't know exactly where or if my feelings "count" as romantic or not. I'm honestly unable to tell the difference between the feelings I have for my partner and for my friends, other than varying intensities, and I'm still not very clear on what even separates romantic relationships from friendships.
  7. Not a musical (sorry), but Perfect Pie is a good play about the deep friendship and (platonic) love between two women. One of them is married, but the husband never appears in the play and it's barely mentioned.
  8. Aww. I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out, but I'm glad that you two are still friends.
  9. Hey ya'll; is there anyone here who's had top surgery (FtM) and is interested in talking about their experiences? Next month I've got my first appointment with the surgeon who will hopefully preform it; it's just going to be talking and stuff, but I'd like to know what to expect. Also: My insurance will cover the cost of it...but only if it's for physical discomfort, not trans-related reasons, and I don't have the money to pay for it myself. So I'll be pretending to be a cis woman through all this; do ya'll know if that'll effect things much?
  10. Another Reform Jew here; my family (one parent Jewish, the other Catholic) was never very observant growing up, so lately I've been trying to connect with Judaism more now that I have the opportunity to at college. Trying to keep kosher to the extent that I can, observing the holiday's I'm able to, going to Shabbat services weekly, etc. I grew up in (and am currently attending school) in a pretty Christian part of the south, so I mostly keep quiet about being Jewish so I don't have to deal with people being assholes about it. I'd suppose I'd say I'm agnostic, since I don't really think there's any way to know if there's a god out there or not, but in Judaism that's not a very big deal. What's more important is how how you live your life. One thing that is nice is that my branch of Judaism is very accepting of LGBT+ folks. I talk to my rabbi about the issues I have with trying to navigate Jewish stuff while being transgender, and he's been very supportive and considerate.
  11. I feel the same way. I enjoy sex and desire it sometimes, though not really to the same extent or intensity it seems like my partner does. For me the act is nice, but the intimacy and care afterwards with them is equally nice. I take the view that even if we don't experience it exactly the same way, as long as we're both having fun it's alright. For me, practical concerns (being trans) tend to disincline me from casual sex anyway, and I can't imagine comfortable with trying it with someone I don't at the least trust to understand my hangups regarding my body and to respect my boundaries in regards to that. But even if those hangups sometimes mean I have to tell my partner to stop in the middle of things because I feel unexpectedly awful, I know that they'll immediately stop what they're doing to comfort me. And knowing that makes it easier for me to do stuff with them: I know that whatever happens with our clothes off, they care about me and my well-being is more important to them than getting off.
  12. I don't feel like it's my responsibility to try and repair a system as big and over-arching in society as marriage. I'm just trying to live my life; if my QPP and I end up being long term, I don't see why we shouldn't get married if we want to in order to get the legal benefits.
  13. I realized I was ace around 13, and am still confident in that. But since I didn't know about aromantism, I confused my lack of attraction to any gender with not having a preference for any gender, leading me to think for a few years that I must be bi/pan with really high standards. I finally figured out and accepted I was aro when I was in my last few years of highschool.
  14. Something similar happened to me and my QPP as to Dodecahedron. In the six to eight months before they brought up the subject of what exactly we were, we'd already pretty much been acting like we were in a QPR without me really realizing there was a word for it. I didn't mind calling it that when they asked me what I thought of it, and here we are.
  15. ^ If they're a minor and/or financially dependent on their parents, they probably wont be able to get those things without their parent's help/support. In most places getting to a hair salon requires a car, and I know my parents personally would have Freaked Out tm if I had cut my hair on my own, to say nothing of what the actual result would have looked like. And getting something like a binder is much harder when you don't yourself have a credit card since most sellers are online-based. But yeah, I second Bionic's suggestion to look into genderflux/agenderflux, and to know that umbrella terms like nonbinary and genderqueer are fine to use on their own if you want to.
  16. I'm hoping to get top surgery this winter (fingers crossed). I've got a sort of large chest, so I can never really get it completely flat, though I can get it flat enough that people don't read me as female. Mine is from T-Kingdom; I saved to buy a $50 VISA giftcard and bought it with that, since I don't have a credit card and the VISA cards can be bought with cash. It's fastened by Velcro, and while I don't have any trouble breathing or anything in it, I do get pretty sore and bruised on the side where it fastens. I think its worth it, though; I feel a lot more confident and comfortable with myself while binding.
  17. I'm already in a QPR; they're my best friend, and while they're neither aro nor ace we've talked a lot about what we want from each other and what our boundaries are in our relationship. (It helped that for a while they did ID on the ace and aro spectrums, so they already had a fair bit of knowledge of aromantism and QPRs.)
  18. I'm bigender, male and neutrois. (Gender is confusing.) I don't really think it effects my attraction much, since I'm never attracted to anyone. I do like it when my QPP calls me their man, even though I'm nonbinary. Since I'm a college student living with my parents, I can't really present as masc as I'd like and I can't start transitioning since I'm financially dependent on them. So it's really gratifying that my partner at least refers to me in male terms.
  19. While I don't think I've ever been a different gender in my dreams I've definitely had ones where I have a 'male' body; I always assumed it had something to do with being trans. Its a pleasant experience for dream-me to have the body I don't in reality, even if it was weird. Of course, waking up to find I'm still stuck with the same parts I don't want is very unpleasant.
  20. How comfortable I am with kissing comes and goes. I'm generally okay with kissing that isn't on the mouth, but sometimes I'm alright with it if my partner wants to kiss me on the lips, sometimes I'm really not. Fortunately, they know that and ask me first.
  21. I don't have crushes or squishes, but I am in a QPR with an allo person. We were friends before we were in a QPR, and I'd told them that I was aro and they were cool with it; they identified as ace at the time, so they were familiar with the concept of romantic and sexual attraction being separate.
  22. I've got a question: I've been checking out the Reelmagik 'pack 'n play' models, and it says on the site that "This particular silicone is non-toxic and safe for use on skin, but was not intended for sexual penetration. If our customers choose to use the item for penetration, the use of a condom is required, for the safety of yourself and of your partner." So... does oral sex count as penetration? Would it be safe to put in your mouth without a condom? (Is putting condoms on during oral sex a thing?)
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