Do you find that only "absolute" aros get acknowledged?

[Picklethewickle]

Do you find that it's the aros who experience absolutely no forms of romantic attraction ever are the only ones to get acknowledged? What is it called, a green stripe aro? 

Not here, but in general I find that aromantics who admit to having had even a single crush, or having an obsession with a fictional character, or who are simply questioning their feelings and orientation are told they aren't really aromantic. They get told they are shy, or aren't giving themselves a chance to be romantic, or they are scared of relationships. 

Maybe I've just been talking to the wrong people.

[HelloThere]

I haven’t seen this type of stuff said in a conversation but I’ve heard plenty of it.

[Ikarus]

Society is very amatonormative in general, but even more so towards the aros you’ve described.

The average joe thinks arospec are going through a phase, or internet fad. Your just a late bloomer, etc. etc.

Its hard for people to understand and accept the existence of green stripe aros let alone those who are arospec. 
 

@Picklethewickle Im just curious who have you been taking to about these things? 

1 hour ago, Picklethewickle said:

They get told they are shy, or aren't giving themselves a chance to be romantic, or they are scared of relationships. 

Maybe I've just been talking to the wrong people.

 

[Lovebird]

Yes, both from allos and those who are 'fully' aro.

It's the reason why I rarely if ever say I have had crushes & dated people in the past (hell I'm currently dating someone right now for the past 5 years), say I'm attracted to fictional characters, or even like common romantic tropes - because both sides, as I've noticed, said that's either 'bad' or 'cringe' for no reason.

It's like they want to feel better about themselves by being the 'purest' aro possible, to try and suck up to other allos.

[illumi]

its elitism. ppl really dislike seeing variations in a label. same thing happens in the ace community; except everything really gets worse when allos step in on the discourse bc oh boy; they have no fucking idea what kinda shit theyre spitting. [life story incoming] i was just in an argument w a rando hrs ago abt the validity of sognaresexuality and the dude thought its invalid bc it cant be a sexual orientation when he doesnt know asexuality isnt a sexual orientation bc it describes the lack thereof; it makes me think abt the treatment of the aspec community in gen

god forbid we have any nuances and unconventional ways of exp attraction; bc some random ass will pull up and say 'umm actually ure not aspec/valid'. its so fucking annoying. just stop talking

[Collie]

Most places I frequent seem pretty accepting of the fact that most people don't live in absolutes and also acknowledge the grey area, but I'm not surprised that there are areas that do not.

[nonmerci]

I do hear people say things like "but you can't be aro you enjoy romantic movies" but I'm not sure that these people understand what aro means, for them we are just people who hate romance, so I don't know if they are really more accepting : you can't accept something if you don't know the definition. 

But it is also true that there are people, sadly even in the aro community, who thinks that the grey area doesn't exist. So yeah I think people who completely lack attraction face less invalidation than people in the grey area.

[HelloThere]

46 minutes ago, Collie said:

Most places I frequent seem pretty accepting of the fact that most people don't live in absolutes and also acknowledge the grey area, but I'm not surprised that there are areas that do not.

The worst assumption that people can make is absolute, binary assumptions about certain groups. Like that all republicans stand against abortion or that all democrats support LGBTQ+ rights. It’s just more prevalent, not constant. It’s an issue that I’m still trying to stop inside myself in some ways. There’s always grey area in things, and that just makes it all the more diverse and beautiful for it.

[HelloThere]

3 hours ago, HelloThere said:

The worst assumption that people can make is absolute, binary assumptions about certain groups. Like that all republicans stand against abortion or that all democrats support LGBTQ+ rights. It’s just more prevalent, not constant. It’s an issue that I’m still trying to stop inside myself in some ways. There’s always grey area in things, and that just makes it all the more diverse and beautiful for it.

Sorta how they always call things “normal” or “abnormal”, nothing is “normal” it’s just common or uncommon. Nothing is even normal about humanity either. We’re a species of two legged, weak skinned, no clawed, and weak primates with no actual weapons besides ingenuity and dexterity. We’re not “normal” especially after being the species with the capability to, at any point, just completely obliterate the earth and almost every species on it.

[maruchan]

soy de Latam y aca no hay mucha representacion de ningun tipo incluso cuando me encontre con el termino y empese a investigar sobre el aromantisismo

comunmente solo encontraba informacion superficial sobre los aros de rayas verdes y no fue hasta que profundice en el tema que encotre el area gris asi que siento que hay un poco mas de representacion para los aros de rayas verdes

[Moth Lady]

While I don’t have any experiences with people purposefully not acknowledging the arospectrum, I have experience with the consequences of that.

I was talking to some of my friends about being aro and one of them questioned me, asking "Doesn’t aro mean you don’t experience attraction at all?"

While he accepted it when I explained it’s a spectrum, it just sucks that people don’t understand that, more often than not, things like this are always on a spectrum.

And because I don’t feel like explaining this to people all the time, my aromantic identity isn’t something I share as much with people anymore. I’m just tired of having to explain it.

[Peggy]

I don't know if OTHER people feel that way around me, but I've always kind of felt that way regardless of those around me. When I first discovered I was aro-spec I said I was grayro because I'd had one crush. But after a while it was waaaaay too confusing to describe all the intricacies of what grayromantic even means, since basically no one has ever heard of it, so I just started going by aro. Now, I always identify as aro, and tbh I don't even know anymore if what I experienced was a crush (there were signs it was a platonic crush). But I never really think about it anymore, because I've just pushed that part of me that might have had a crush away, because I'm aro.

Even still, I definitely experience types of attraction these days - definitely not romantic or sexual, but still attraction, and every time I have to question if I'm really aro, if I belong in this community, etc.

[Isa1116]

I remember once I told my brother I was aro but had a crush. He didn't get it so I said maybe greyromantic or smth like that and he just said smth across the lines of, "So you do fall in love? You aren't aromantic then.?"

He doesn't seem to get it's a spectrum but he can't just say I’m not aro if he doesn't even know the definition! :/

[Neon]

Yeah. To a degree we are all questioned, but I’ve seen so much vitriol towards arospec people that I generally don’t receive.

side note but we really need a better term (that isn’t a microlabel) than any of the ones I’ve seen on this thread. They all give off exclusionary vibes.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I can see how aros who never had crushes before, don't want a partnership, and may or may not be romance repulsed, can be depicted more in media, leaving aros who experience romantic attraction in some ways, or have teritary attractions, or want partnerships, or have a lesser represented view on romance, in the shadows. That's not the fault of end-spec aros (not saying that anyone stated that here though), and it's still amazing they get representation (when our community ever does) since end-spec aros, or "absolute" aros still get a lot of shit like the rest of us, even when the discrimination directed at us is nuanced based on our own personal identities.

TLDR: having rep of end-spec aros is amazing, but granted there's lesser rep of aro-specs, not to the fault of end-specs.

Edited July 18, 2023 by The Newest Fabled Creature
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