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does anyone feel that their gender identity has influenced their orientation


ellie04

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I feel like being who I am has definitely influenced it in some ways and I don't think I'd be aspec if I wasn't the gender that I am.

 

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On 6/2/2023 at 8:02 PM, Anaim said:

I think it's the other way around for me

Same for me! I think that me being ace (and more specifically my sex aversion) has influenced my aversion towards gendered aspects of myself. However, I do think that my lack of gender isn't inherently influenced by my orientation.

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Kind of?? It's a long story... I found out that I wasn't straight before I realized that I'm not cis either, so it probably influenced what I identify as now, but I don't think it happened directly. I mean at first I thought I was bisexual, but then it hit me that I wasn't really attracted to men, which immediately led me to the mindset that I must be a lesbian then. But after I started identifying as a lesbian I started questioning my gender identity as well, and it was a hell of a journey... I tried pretty much every single label, and even now all I know is that I'm somewhere on the non-binary spectrum. 

So, my point is that yes, my gender questioning definitely helped me realise that I'm aroace, but I don't think it was the main factor.

Edited by Keith
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Probably not really. I'm asexual and idk how genderfluid would affect that. Maybe there's some sex repulsion bc of dysphoria, idk, but I'm so sex-repulsed and so unattracted in that way anyway I don't think it matters.

I'm not really sure about my romantic orientation, I feel like I'm basically aromantic, but like, idk there's some weird things that seem to contradict that and it bothers me that I don't have a clear-cut definition of what romance is. So if I'm not just aromantic, then I don't see how I could be "straight" or "gay" when my gender changes all the time. But other than that it doesn't mean much either

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  • 1 month later...

My realisation of my gender came not long before that of my romantic orientation. I didn't really question my orientation(s) before I knew I was agender because my sexual attractions meant I was "straight" according to the gender I was assigned at birth, so it was left just unquestioned; I feel my aro-ness was obscured because I simply didn't know that romantic attraction was a thing and I thought that I just had different priorities (that's true, but I had no reason to give for that), but when I figured out my gender, I became open enough to realise that I'm aro.

As for whether they literally influence each other, I wouldn't say so, as I feel gender and romantic attraction just straight up don't exist within me, so how could something that doesn't exist affect something else that doesn't exist? I have thought about whether the reason I don't experience one is the same reason I don't experience the other, but it's not as if I know why either are absent, or that I think it matters why.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Personally it's more the other way round for me. The aromanticism made me genderqueer. I think it personally has something to do with me viewing society treating gender roles as something that don't matter a lot of the time but absolutely matter when discussing romance and relationships so not doing romance led to me letting go of gender more easily than I would have if I had to participate in all that. If that makes sense, I guess.

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  • 3 months later...

With much further thought, I do sometimes compare my "lack" of gender similarly to my lack of romantic attraction. I don't know if my gender effects my aromanticism that much, or at all, but these two identities are outside of a binary, or are at least outside of any norm that society has placed in regards to identity, so there's that.

Edited by The Newest Fabled Creature
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  • 1 month later...

Yes, for sure. I feel like having genders that aren't strictly male or female and the way society categorise attraction in highly binary terms have made me feel alienated from the concept of attraction itself.

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