Being aroace in asexual-oriented spaces

[Neon]

I've seen it time and again how when discussing asexuality in a vacuum, alloromantic asexual people feel the constant need to clarify that they are not aromantic and still feel romantic love. And while I don't think that's inherently bad, it often comes across more as separating aroaces than it does ensuring that asexuality and aromanticism aren't conflated.

I've felt at times that the alloace community doesn't really regard aroaces as a part of it. The phrase "ace people still feel (romantic) love" and variations of it is treated by the alloace community as the most important thing to know about asexuality, and a given for all ace people.

Which implies that aroaces aren't really a part of ace spaces. That we are less important, or even a threat to the "real" aces.

And while the aroallo community also emphasizes that they are not asexual, the rhetoric is totally different. It focuses more on how aroallo people aren't talked about enough, and how not all aros are ace. Aroace's existence isn't treated as inconvenient or ignored like we often are in ace spaces.

And I also want to recognize this isn't just an aroace thing. Aroallos and non-sam aros are also harmed by a lot of those implications.

At this point though, I have to wonder if it's just me reading into things that aren't there. I've never really put words to these ideas before, and I haven't seen others do so either. So I'd really, really appreciate other people's thoughts on this.

[Acecream]

8 hours ago, Neon said:

e: so my quote didn’t work I wanted to quote this:

“And while the aroallo community also emphasizes that they are not asexual, the rhetoric is totally different. It focuses more on how aroallo people aren't talked about enough, and how not all aros are ace. Aroace's existence isn't treated as inconvenient or ignored like we often are in ace spaces.”
 

 

That’s so much true!!!
 

 

That’s why I feel so much more comfortable in the aro communities and also with saying “I ’m aro” instead of “I’m ace” and much more connected to alloaros than to alloaces

anyway, alloaros are so cool!

Edited June 23 by Acecream

[Nix]

9 hours ago, Neon said:

The phrase "ace people still feel (romantic) love" and variations of it is treated by the alloace community as the most important thing to know about asexuality, and a given for all ace people.

This is why I never felt at home at AVEN, and why I never made an account there. That phrase is so dismissive and hurtful to aro people. I’ve never understood why marginalized groups feel the need to shove other marginalized people under the bus. Acceptance of ‘the other’ is so important (and not just for aro people)…

[nonmerci]

Yes. That's one of the reasons why I like aro spaces better.

There's also things like "A is for asexual" (thanks but what about us ?) and that doesn't come about aces necessarily but sometimes I saw things like "I've never seen this word or concept outside of the ace community, only aces use it", but aros do to. And the fact that aspec is used as a synonym of acespec, though I think it is supposed to mean all people with an A identity (specifically, ace, aro, and sometimes agender).

It is not a lot, but when you add all of this, it makes me feel invisible as an aro.

[dewy]

I'm not a big fan of the "but we can still love" rhetoric in the aspec community. Makes it seem like you need to "love", yknow? I think it's important to clarify that not all asexual people are aromantic, and vice versa but using that kind of wording/rhetoric... isn't the best way to get that point across. I hope this makes sense, I'm quite tired right now 😅

[nonmerci]

On 7/14/2022 at 5:02 PM, dewy said:

I'm not a big fan of the "but we can still love" rhetoric in the aspec community. Makes it seem like you need to "love", yknow? I think it's important to clarify that not all asexual people are aromantic, and vice versa but using that kind of wording/rhetoric... isn't the best way to get that point across. I hope this makes sense, I'm quite tired right now 😅

Yeah I think that's a difference between aro and aces.

With aces the rhetoric is : "we can still love" I don't see it much on the ace forums I visited (I may be lucky), but I see it a lot in places like youtube everytime there is a video on aces (for instance it was a big thing when it comes to Jughead Jones)

With aros it is : "we can be aromantic but not asexual" 

It is not a lot but the wording is important. One makes it sound like being aro is bad, the other doesn't sound like being ace is bad.

 

Edited July 28 by nonmerci

[SilenceRadio]

There was a whole discussion regarding the ace/aro distinction in the comment section of this post. Aroaces feeling like a misrepresentation of aces or aros is a long-running issue.

[Acecream]

oh, what just came in my mind; i've seen a lot of alloaces saying they'd wish they were aroace instead of alloace.

i f**king hate this. they have no clue what it means to be aromantic and they just think it's an easy way to go lol

[Deltalorian]

Yeah, I think the best way I can describe it is that I feel asexual, but I don't feel ace, you know? Probably not, but it's the best way I can describe the feeling for me.

[A User]

i personally feel like i fit in with both aro and ace places, kinda like a VIP pass to enter (tho ofc i'm not sayin that people should gatekeep, tryin to give examples here)

i picture the "aces can feel love" and other variations of it as love in general. platonic love, alterous, etc.

i do prefer if the communities were aroace in specific (slightly better relatability) but im ok with aro communities