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Being aroace in asexual-oriented spaces


Neon

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13 hours ago, Ace_of_Spades said:

I just felt like AVEN was way too romance-y and partner-y for me to fit in.

I feel that's exactly it. There's a fair number of people putting sex and romance on a pedestal, and treating anything else as either unhealthy or a disability accommodation.

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3 hours ago, Queerdo said:

I feel that's exactly it. There's a fair number of people putting sex and romance on a pedestal, and treating anything else as either unhealthy or a disability accommodation.

Pardon my uninformed question, but if you put sex on a pedestal on a board for asexuals, aren't you doing something wrong?

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I just wish that there was more clarification on the fact that both alloaces and aroaces exist. I get the alloaces wanting to express that they still want a relationship, but I wish that the way it was done was a bit less of .. exclusivity (for lack of a better word), and more just defining how the alloace in question identifies personally. Both are perfectly valid of course and both face similar hardships, so I think it's important to support one another, where ever you are on the aromantic or asexual spectrum.

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6 hours ago, Queerdo said:

I feel that's exactly it. There's a fair number of people putting sex and romance on a pedestal, and treating anything else as either unhealthy or a disability accommodation.

yep. I am of the opinion that one of the reasons that many alloros who know about aromanticism don't seriously engage with aro people is because they know (internally) that if they actually consider what we are saying, they would have have to majorly revise their worldview. So it's more comfortable to continue the relationship hierarchy, say that aromanticism is a mental illness (even if they don't use that term), insist that even if everyone doesn't feel romantic love they feel platonic love (not true), etc..

I think there may also be an issue with alloaces who only recently realized they are ace coping with it by saying "at least I can still fall in love". Hell, I saw that in some AVEN FAQ when I was first accepting everything (that did not help me feeling isolated from alloaces). And that's ground that is very unsteady to me, because I want to go in there and explain how it is hurtful. But I also want them to be able to accept this big thing about themself.

And with that, I KNOW that it is helpful to alloace people. I just don't think that aroace's ought to be thrown under the bus to make alloaces more comfortable.

34 minutes ago, The Aro Mando Echo said:

I just wish that there was more clarification on the fact that both alloaces and aroaces exist. I get the alloaces wanting to express that they still want a relationship, but I wish that the way it was done was a bit less of .. exclusivity (for lack of a better word), and more just defining how the alloace in question identifies personally. Both are perfectly valid of course and both face similar hardships, so I think it's important to support one another, where ever you are on the aromantic or asexual spectrum.

And this is also why I feel more connected to aroallos/non-sam aros/etc.. For the most part, they don't really treat aroaces as a subsect of aro, and/or as "not aro enough".

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Shit, I didn't want to write a long post about AVEN cause I feel like I'm behind their back, but well, too late.

 

Am I the only one who didn't feel surrounded by alloaces on AVEN, or is it because I joined later than you (I joined in August 2021 I think). Maybe it is because I never went in subforums like "asexual relationships" but I never saw anything amatonormative. Once I saw a topic saying (in subtance), "if you are romance-repulsed, are you sure you don't have an avoidant disorder because why would someone be repulsed by romance", but that's it.

I do agree however that there is a complete lack of knowledge about the aro community and some impossibility to think about it as its own thing by some members, and that some members delibarately erase what aros have to say... OK I just remember a specific member for that who basically refused to take into account aroallos cause they were saying the contrary than what she was saying, but that was big enough to make me consider leaving.

 

On 3/20/2023 at 9:59 AM, Alaska Native Manitou said:

Just to clarify:  1 staff member sided with the member who thought it was OK to brag about being fascist on AVEN. 

I know. And maybe I would have let it slide if I were not already disturbed by other things. But here's all I could think was that 1 staff member was already too much.

I think that the majority of people on AVEN are wonderful people. I placed several people on my ignore list, and except one, they all ended up banned or left on their own, which means ghe moderation do its job. I just think it is difficult to draw the line between freedom of speech and safety, and AVEN doesn't place it where I want to see it. I suppose it works well for some people, who would probably think the places I lack better are too controlling, but I know it is not for me.

 

And again, I have no problem with (most) of the members there. Most are people I enjoy interacting with. It is just the way the website work that were not for me.

 

(OK now I stop with AVEN, I don't want to make people who likes the website feels bad)

Edited by nonmerci
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