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Aro's & Ace's: Highschool and how it has affected you.


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Posted (edited)

I feel like high school as a whole (besides learning) is just a game of Who dated who, Who slept with who, Who's hot or not. Etc.

It sucks being Aro (and ace curious) in high school. My classmates jokingly ask me "Wheres your (Insert Female Dog Here)"

 

I'm repulsed by the fact that high school nowadays seems like that who you date or what you look like determine where you stand socially, I feel like High School is a Romantic Monarchy, where one person who slept with X amount of people and dated Y amount of people reigns popular. (in my opinion, if you slept with more people than you date that's kinda iffy.) 

 

Thoughts? How has being Aromantic and/or being Asexual affected high school for you.

(by the way, all this is coming from an IB school in Maryland. Should be top quality but well.....)

Edited by AviaWilliam
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  • AviaWilliam changed the title to Aro's & Ace's: Highschool and how it has affected you.
Posted (edited)

It’s not very fun to be honest. Seeing everybody being all lovey dovey constantly just grosses me out. I have absolutely no clue who’s dating most of the time unless i’m explicitly told, cause I have a hard time distinguishing that.

Also, because my personality just isn’t very feminine in nature, I tend to hang out with guys a lot more. Of course, all the girls assume that I like them because of that. It results in a lot of uncomfortable shipping. I was literally just sitting alone with a friend on a bench at field day talking, and then one girl I know started making faces and hand signals like “oooh,,, do you LIKE him!!??”. I’ve also been shipped and teased countless times about my best friend at school. Everybody thinks that we’re dating, and it doesn’t help that he’s in love with me either.

People corner me in the locker room and beg me to tell them who I like, they never believe me when I say nobody, so I just make up someone who’s “not from our school”. 

 

So yeah, being aroace in high school is quite a time :’)

Edited by Tinkere
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1 hour ago, Tinkere said:

It’s not very fun to be honest. Seeing everybody being all lovey dovey constantly just grosses me out. I have absolutely no clue who’s dating most of the time unless i’m explicitly told, cause I have a hard time distinguishing that.

(That's Exactly how I see it)

Also, because my personality just isn’t very feminine in nature, I tend to hang out with guys a lot more. Of course, all the girls assume that I like them because of that. It results in a lot of uncomfortable shipping. I was literally just sitting alone with a friend on a bench at field day talking, and then one girl I know started making faces and hand signals like “oooh,,, do you LIKE him!!??”. I’ve also been shipped and teased countless times about my best friend at school. Everybody thinks that we’re dating, and it doesn’t help that he’s in love with me either.

(my personality is more feminine. Some of my friends are male and they assume I like the girls I hang out with too)

People corner me in the locker room and beg me to tell them who I like, they never believe me when I say nobody, so I just make up someone who’s “not from our school”. 

(that seems scary :( I feel bad for you having to endure that here's a virtual cookie)^-^ 🍪

So yeah, being aroace in high school is quite a time :’)

 

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Posted (edited)

For me much of my high school memories are meshed together. My parents divorce was ongoing, so I mostly just focused on school. I had to switch schools between middle school/jr. high and high school from private to public school so that meant I had to basically start from scratch with my friend group. I feel like being aroace and not knowing it affected my ability to connect with other people because it seemed like all they were interested in talking about were things I couldn't relate to (relationships, dating..etc), and seemed much less interested in or focused on school. At the time I thought it was just the difference between private and public schools. I tried to make friends (and did end up making some), but it was definitely a challenge (my social anxiety did not help) and so I spent a lot of it alone.

I also lost a childhood friend in the beginning of high school because they drifted apart from me (it had been building for a few years). Years later she told me it was because she was questioning her sexuality and wasn't sure how I would react. That always seemed like a bit of an excuse and REALLY confused me because I like to think of myself as an open and understanding person.  This recently came up in therapy, and my therapist pointed out that perhaps it actually does make sense if you think about it in the context of me being aroace and not knowing it. Perhaps, she could pick up on the fact that I wasn't interested in those topics and so then went off to find other people to explore those with. That has been quite the realization for me. 

Edited by FragileDear
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Posted (edited)

For reference, I graduated in 2015.

High school just sorta... happened, lol. It took me a while to find a group of friends, but once I did I didn't stray too far from that group. None of us were super interested in romance/sex (at least not openly) even though I'm pretty sure I was the only one who was aspec. I was never teased or interrogated about who I liked. I heard some gossip about who was dating who but it never seemed like a big deal. I don't remember there being too much PDA or anything like that, nor can I remember an identifiable hierarchy (let alone one based on romance/sex). Some people were more popular than others but it wasn't like how Popular Kids TM are portrayed in fiction.

I'm sure a lot of it sailed right past me- I have a natural tendency to be separate from parts of society, and to not get wrapped up in things like that, due to neurodivergency and other traits.

So I never really felt left out due to me being aromantic. But I do struggle with puberty narratives because of my experience (both in terms of romance and sex), I have difficulty relating to the way a lot of other people describe that time in their life.

Edited by Apex
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eh, I was a nerd doing physics stuff so it was kind of expected that I'd have the dating skills of a damp lettuce.

slightly annoying and I certainly felt the pressure to conform. To me it was more annoying the amount of respect some people got from the adults around if they put on a show of being a gentlemanly young man to their partner. 

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I was shipped with one of my besties CONSTANTLY.  It was annoying.  Although I kinda liked him at the time...

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It's definitely an interesting time. I have lost friends for telling them, and most of them just didn't believe me.

My best friend and I are pretty sure that everyone thinks we're dating though (we are both disturbed by this) because she is openly lesbian and according to her I 'look gay,' people have asked us before T-T

 

Also, I go to an ib school somewhere around that part of the country too (I'm not gonna give a state), so its pretty diverse but theres still a lot of pressure that comes with your relationship status which is annoying.

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9 hours ago, _pc_ said:

I go to an ib school somewhere around that part of the country too

On 5/6/2022 at 7:59 AM, AviaWilliam said:

(by the way, all this is coming from an IB school in Maryland. Should be top quality but well.....)

Oh yo I’m also at an IB school!! Fairly far away from y’all in terms of location though XD

Fortunately most of my friends are questioning aspec so there’s not *too* too much dating, but I feel like when I hear about it from my other friends it all happens so fast? And so much all the time- one of my friends has dated like 6 people in 2 years which feels like a lot more than it might actually be? Idk, this stuff is confusing to me XD 

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On 5/6/2022 at 7:59 AM, AviaWilliam said:

Wheres your (Insert Female Dog Here)

what's a female dog called?

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yeah i'm gifted so my high school experience was not like in shows/movies haha i was literally going to class and hanging out with my friends, it was a good time.  some of us dated, not many of us had sex, tbh i wasn't really thinking about either (i mean i found guys cute but that's it) until the whole fiasco in grades 11-12 when i was questioning about being aro and i got into a relationship.  i actually think younger than that is too young, at least for sex.  i know some of the non-gifties were/are up to some crazy stuff but 🤷‍♀️

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Oh my god SAME! 

I'd go as far to say it's just as bad in middle school too. Back when I was in middle school, I was manipulated and pressured into a relationship with my ex-best-friend, which absolutely ruined our relationship and the memories of it still make me feel sick inside. My 6th grade math teacher encouraged an abusive relationship because "Aw, but you're so cute together!"

Present day, I've lost so many friends in high school because they'd always try to bingo me about my aromantic identity like "Oh, but you can't know yet!" and, "That's so sad, I'd rather die than live like that!" (which, wow, thanks man...) I can't hold hands with someone without people being like "OH, you're dating?! Congrats!" 

Ugh. Amatonormativity sucks.

What is even with the weird social cultures in schooling too?? Aren't we literally just supposed to be in school to... learn? Maybe I'm the one with the wrong idea...

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1 hour ago, aro_elise said:

in grades 11-12 when i was questioning about being aro and i got into a relationship.  i actually think younger than that is too young, at least for sex

Even then, I think it's too young for sex. I think people should at least wait until they're out of high school to experiment with that, but, ultimately, if it doesn't affect me, I don't care.

 

On 5/7/2022 at 7:27 AM, Apex said:

High school just sorta... happened, lol. It took me a while to find a group of friends, but once I did I didn't stray too far from that group. None of us were super interested in romance/sex (at least not openly) even though I'm pretty sure I was the only one who was aspec. I was never teased or interrogated about who I liked. I heard some gossip about who was dating who but it never seemed like a big deal. I don't remember there being too much PDA or anything like that, nor can I remember an identifiable hierarchy (let alone one based on romance/sex). Some people were more popular than others but it wasn't like how Popular Kids TM are portrayed in fiction.

I'm sure a lot of it sailed right past me- I have a natural tendency to be separate from parts of society, and to not get wrapped up in things like that, due to neurodivergency and other traits.

So I never really felt left out due to me being aromantic. But I do struggle with puberty narratives because of my experience (both in terms of romance and sex), I have difficulty relating to the way a lot of other people describe that time in their life.

High school was similar for me, too. I think the closest experience I had to amatonormativity was when some friends tried to pressure me into going to senior prom (I ended up not going, so they failed miserably!).

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Posted (edited)
On 5/7/2022 at 3:23 PM, roboticanary said:

eh, I was a nerd doing physics stuff so it was kind of expected that I'd have the dating skills of a damp lettuce.

slightly annoying and I certainly felt the pressure to conform. To me it was more annoying the amount of respect some people got from the adults around if they put on a show of being a gentlemanly young man to their partner. 

"damp lettuce"

I felt the same way with my first relationship, I had to act like a decently mature adult, being a gentleman as you put it. I didn't like it, (the relationship I mean).

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On 5/6/2022 at 7:59 AM, AviaWilliam said:

(by the way, all this is coming from an IB school in Maryland. Should be top quality but well.....)

16 hours ago, BuySomeCheese said:

Oh yo I’m also at an IB school!! Fairly far away from y’all in terms of location though XD

On 5/8/2022 at 5:16 AM, _pc_ said:

Also, I go to an ib school somewhere around that part of the country too

 

Dang I didn't expect two other IB students, I would have been surprised if we all went to the same school but @BuySomeCheese is probably halfway around the US.

 

Edited by AviaWilliam
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7 minutes ago, BuySomeCheese said:

XD not quite, just very South of Maryland

Ah okay.

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21 hours ago, RepublicServicesVolunteer said:

Even then, I think it's too young for sex. I think people should at least wait until they're out of high school to experiment with that, but, ultimately, if it doesn't affect me, I don't care.

i tend to agree; we only did some stuff.  though it's hard to say how much my feelings about romance were influencing my feelings about sex, you know, the whole situation was just...tricky.  but even after i accepted that i wanted one and not the other i wasn't in a rush.  

21 hours ago, RepublicServicesVolunteer said:

I think the closest experience I had to amatonormativity was when some friends tried to pressure me into going to senior prom (I ended up not going, so they failed miserably!).

i went to prom, it was fun.  again, among my friends, it wasn't like that--only one had a date.  i made my dress, there was a pre-party with drinking, a party bus, then there it was just a nice social event, then i went home.

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So I don't really have much in the way of an answer as..... I was homeschooled during high school. But I remember being like "I haven't had a crush yet.... huh". My mom actually had told me as a child that "some people don't get crushes", and that stuck with me. So I was like "maybe I'm one of those people". I did notice that other people my age were far more interested in dating, while I was like "I'll wait until I'm 22 to date".

Of course, I'm 28 now and have never dated and there's only one person I would potentially want to date and she's taken. So.

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