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It's been ages since I last ate ice cream


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But I'm a compulsive eater of tiramisu (and similar) flavored sweets 9_9

 

Greetings to all! You can call me Tisse for short.

 

My reason for coming here is that I feel more comfortable being around a mix of aros than a mix of aces (or of rom sexuals). I guess I can relate better to aro sexuals than rom aces, due to being a fetishist (who however doesn't seek to play kinks out with a partner - they're more enjoyable when I'm alone).

 

Amatonormativity bothers me because I hate being expected to make sacrifices (relationship compromise in this case) that are unnecessary for happiness. Plus, I guess that life is rather unpredictable when one is emotionally invested into someone else (I'm a difficult person for me to deal with already, I don't want to give myself another problem). If I get into a relationship, I'd rather it be clear (contractual).

 

I'm an eternal child 9_9, and to celebrate the International Children's Day (which is on June 1 in a bigger number of countries than other dates), as well as the 2nd anniversary of coming out to myself as ace-spec and the 15th anniversary of my libido :$ (i.e. of my awareness of it), I've just got myself two rings - ace and aro :cake::icecream: (photos are coming soon to the dedicated thread).

 

I'm looking forward to fruitful convos with you all :arolove:

 

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Hi Tisse! Welcome! :icecream::icecream:

 

I don't really feel like I fit in with romantic aces either. I feel like my aro-ness is a much bigger part of me than my ace-ness. They are totally words, by the way. Amatonormativity totally sucks, yeah. It's annoying how it's so prevalent that people just refuse to believe something like aromanticism - or even just not wanting a relationship - exists!

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4 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

Hi Tisse! Welcome! :icecream::icecream:

 

I don't really feel like I fit in with romantic aces either. I feel like my aro-ness is a much bigger part of me than my ace-ness. They are totally words, by the way. Amatonormativity totally sucks, yeah. It's annoying how it's so prevalent that people just refuse to believe something like aromanticism - or even just not wanting a relationship - exists!

I'm much the same, probably because romance is much more prominent than sex. So yeah, my aroness is also more relevant than my aceness (yes, totally words! Haha)

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1 minute ago, aussiekirkland said:

I'm much the same, probably because romance is much more prominent than sex.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by 'prominent', but yeah, I guess romantic attraction is more intense, it's like a short circuit that makes one think way too often about the crush even in their absence as too many things are reminders... I don't know why people want this torture upon me. As for sexual attraction, there may be triggers here and there, but I guess people don't feel it unless they actually see, hear or otherwise sense the object, interact with it.

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25 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

I'm not sure what you mean by 'prominent', but yeah, I guess romantic attraction is more intense, it's like a short circuit that makes one think way too often about the crush even in their absence as too many things are reminders... I don't know why people want this torture upon me. As for sexual attraction, there may be triggers here and there, but I guess people don't feel it unless they actually see, hear or otherwise sense the object, interact with it.

Oops I was a bit vague. I was actually just referring to the prominence of romance vs sex in society and in general. But you also make a very good point. From what I can tell romantic attraction seems to take up a lot more room in people's brains than sexual attraction haha

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Hi there, welcome.:icecream:

Tiramisu for all.

 

3 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

Amatonormativity bothers me because I hate being expected to make sacrifices (relationship compromise in this case) that are unnecessary for happiness. Plus, I guess that life is rather unpredictable when one is emotionally invested into someone else (I'm a difficult person for me to deal with already, I don't want to give myself another problem). If I get into a relationship, I'd rather it be clear (contractual).

You have just summed up the problem perfectly.

I also have special interests :euphemism: but I rarely talk about them, as way too many people think its the same as M/s dynamic, and in my case that quickly ends because of romance repulsion.

 

49 minutes ago, aussiekirkland said:

romantic attraction seems to take up a lot more room in people's brains than sexual attraction haha

Most of that illusion comes from the social stigma.

People talk about their crushes, even in casual conversations. Lushes are rarely talked about, most of the society, typically women do not find the topic appropriate.

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28 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

I also have special interests :euphemism: but I rarely talk about them, as way too many people think its the same as s/m, and in my case that dynamic quickly ends because of romance repulsion.

 

Right... It's too bad that BDSM and its paraphernalia are inseparable in uninitiated people's heads, whereas the accessories can be enjoyed on their own because of their look, texture, etc., and BDSM is mainly not about using them but about emotional commitment and consent.

 

28 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

People talk about their crushes, even in casual conversations. Lushes are rarely talked about, especially women do not find the topic appropriate.

 

Isn't what rom sexuals experience usually a combination of a crush and a lush (which is called a crush because the word 'lush' is relatively unknown)?

 

I can imagine what lushes are but I guess that, in their 'pure' form (with no accompanying crush), they're experienced longterm mainly by aro sexuals. Rom sexuals usually automatically start evaluating their lush object as a prospective romantic partner because of the societal pressure; so the triggers of their sexual desire make them start dreaming about the whole 'relationship package'. Do I understand it correctly?

 

16 minutes ago, Dodgypotato said:

Personally I feel that it just affects me more. Perhaps Kirkland means the same?

 

I guess she means the place of romance in the popular culture (where, unlike sex, it can be pictured around the clock).

 

That's surely a big consideration and one of the reasons why my musical taste has floated towards metal, which revolves around non-romantic topics more often than other genres, and when it does depict romance, it does so in a less 'vanilla' way and sometimes even spoofs it.

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2 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

Rom sexuals usually automatically start evaluating their lush object as a prospective romantic partner because of the societal pressure; so the triggers of their sexual desire make them start dreaming about the whole 'relationship package'. Do I understand it correctly?

Well, I guess it can be all sorts of combinations of these two, like if you look up "5 signs that you have a crush on them" list, at least half of it will be more like a lush. I don't think there is a defined pattern, and they may only feel one of these at one time. At least I have heard friends saying "I'm so into them, I know its funny cos they aren't physically attractive at all when you look at them first" or "I want to bang this person in my class but they are so basic and irritating"...they may not even know how to label these things, so they'd just call all sorts of attraction a crush.

 

Quote

That's surely a big consideration and one of the reasons why my musical taste has floated towards metal, which revolves around non-romantic topics more often than other genres

Yep, that's why I love punk

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Welcome, Tisse! :icecream:

 

3 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

That's surely a big consideration and one of the reasons why my musical taste has floated towards metal, which revolves around non-romantic topics more often than other genres, and when it does depict romance, it does so in a less 'vanilla' way and sometimes even spoofs it.

 

That's one of the things I like about metal (and hard rock) as well.  It's refreshing ^_^

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Heh, it's not that contagious :P

 

9 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

I've just got myself two rings - ace and aro :cake::icecream: (photos are coming soon to the dedicated thread).

 

Done

 

Btw, when going to a local store to pick the rings, I met a girl in a street who had the kinkiest look (by my 'standards' :euphemism:) I've ever seen IRL :$ It's a pity that I was in such a hurry that I didn't have time to even shoot her with the phone camers from behind... but had I got to that place in advance, I simply wouldn't have seen her at all, so I have no regrets, and I've actually found a photo on the web which will be reminding me about her.

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11 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

My reason for coming here is that I feel more comfortable being around a mix of aros than a mix of aces (or of rom sexuals). 

Same for me! Aro identity suits me much better than ace and I'm perfectly comfortable about the label. I think I knew I'm an aro even before I identified as ace. 

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7 hours ago, PerformativeSurprise said:

Welcome, Tisse! :icecream:

 

 

That's one of the things I like about metal (and hard rock) as well.  It's refreshing ^_^

Same reason I like house(with no lyrics) and instrumental. Rather not listen to lyrics at all ;)

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11 hours ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

That's surely a big consideration and one of the reasons why my musical taste has floated towards metal, which revolves around non-romantic topics more often than other genres, and when it does depict romance, it does so in a less 'vanilla' way and sometimes even spoofs it.

That's also a reason why I enjoy jazz, while the vocal tunes are about love 99% of the time, most of them are instrumentals anyway so problem averted haha

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