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May as well present myself...


Lume
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Hello everybody,

I am Lume, 29 years old (so arguably a bit older than average), a PhD student in Gender Studies and aroace. 

 

I consider myself as aroace since I am 25; before that, I just thought I was picky, weird, depressed or simply incapable of normality. I have had one relationship experience, a classical heterosexual thing which lasted over two years. This was before my identification as aroace and costed me (and still costs me) a lot of rumination, insecurity, depression and even borderline-like aggressive behaviour. I have come to the conclusion that this unhappiness was not because the guy was "not the right one", as some friends and family members like to say (in fact, he had his faults, but he was a loving, considerate guy and we had much in common). Rather, the problem was that I was in a romantic/sexual relationship without being in one in the first place. I am not saying that it didn't have its good moments, and I really appreciated being with him most of the time. But the thought of being "a girlfriend" or being part of a romance felt strange to me. It's difficult for me to put this feeling into proper words, since it wasn't repulsion, it wasn't like that "I loved him less than he loved me" narrative, it wasn't the "I just wanted to try it out" kind of thing. It was just the wrong kind of relationship with an otherwise great person. In think, that could mean I am aromantic, couldn't it?

 

So much about me for now. Since I hate talking about me into the void but am very open when confronted with questions, feel free to ask. ;-)

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To quote the comic Kimchi Cuddles, "Nothing is weird." I think society has a lot of expectations for us to fit into a monogamous, straight, sexual relationship, and people are becoming more aware that those expectations are absurd. I'm glad you found out about being aroace, and I'm glad you found out about this community. Welcome to the Arocalypse. :icecream:

 

I've got a question for you. What got you into Gender Studies?

 

 

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Thank you, Danny and omitef, for the welcome!

 

Quote

I've got a question for you. What got you into Gender Studies?

 

The search for a job, actually. I am a sociologist, and since I am a feminist, have genderqueer friends and am interested in gender issues generally, I used to raise this subject pretty often during my study. I never considered myself as a gender sociologist, though. What made me get into sociology was rather capitalism theory, social theory and social inequality, and being treated as "gender expert" by male professors got on my nerves. However, I do have some expertise in that subject, which gained me my current job that happens to be about gender studies.

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Thank you, again, for the welcome. May I ask, what's the thing with this cup of ice-cream? It's a kind of funny, though, since yesterday was beautiful and warm weather (I even got sunburned), and during lunch break, my colleagues and I would have very much liked to enjoy ice-cream. Unfortunately, there is no affordable ice-cream parlour around... :-)

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