Joslyn Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 As a kid it’s ingraved in it brainds that our life goals should be and only be to get married and have children. Obviously marriage doesn’t just “make you happy”. About 45% of married couples get a divorce. The other couples could be either forced to stay into married or they think they will be lonely or looked down upon if they divorce. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bio 7 Posted November 12, 2018 Share Posted November 12, 2018 I don’t know. It doesn’t help that most parents will dismiss you if you say you won’t get married and tell you they will change your mind later. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neir Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 Amatonormativity~~~~ I grew up with a lot of that kind of narrative. Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??" It definitely is frustrating because people who aren't married are often viewed as selfish or aloof. However, I have noticed recently that more and more people have been treating marriage as just a ritual. There are people who don't want to have a grand marriage ceremony (a coworker of mine said she and her husband just eloped - signed papers and stuff). I also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for. That definitely isn't the norm yet, but I feel like some of the Millennial generation and younger is popularizing more flexible unions and slowly stretching societal norms. So there's hope! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace of Amethysts Posted November 13, 2018 Share Posted November 13, 2018 I don't know either. My eldest sister is wasting $2,000+ on hers, so I guess it's a boon for capitalism. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 14, 2018 Share Posted November 14, 2018 On 11/12/2018 at 1:50 AM, Joslyn said: As a kid it’s ingraved in it brainds that our life goals should be and only be to get married and have children. Obviously marriage doesn’t just “make you happy”. About 45% of married couples get a divorce. The other couples could be either forced to stay into married or they think they will be lonely or looked down upon if they divorce. Even when marriage was most "popular" around the mid 20th century at least 15% of people never did it. Since then census data from around the world shows a massive decline in the marriage demographic. (Until recently somewhat obscured by rising populations and people previously married getting married more than once.) Ironically hyping of marriage in popular media has massively increased at the same time that the proportion of married people has been going down. On 11/13/2018 at 1:23 AM, running.tally said: Marriage as an established norm, and basically a "normal" stage in adult development, akin to learning to talk and walk as a baby. I never questioned it until my parents started asking me, "Sooo have you got a boyfriend yet??" Something I've noticed is that virtually every online discussion along the lines of "I can't find a date/boyfriend/girlfriend" tends wind up with lots of "I felt like that until I found my spouse/husband/wife" responses. Even if the OP makes it clear that they actually want something fairly casual, more sexual than romantic, etc. On 11/13/2018 at 1:23 AM, running.tally said: also know that there are more people I have heard of recently than I had when I was younger who are getting married for the benefits, not for the 'love' or whatever it was supposed to be for. Prior to romantic marriages becoming fashionable (prior to the mid 19th century) this was the norm. Actually more common is people not getting married. Even in the face of legal and social discrimination against unmarried people. With even North America soon likely to join Europe and Australasia in having marrieds being a (hugely) privileged minority of the population. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
withrainfall Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 Partly because, I think, they crave sex and romance so much that they really do feel incomplete without it. We know we are not missing out on much, but sometimes our families and friends want us to happy in just exactly the same way as they are. There are pros and cons to the single life, and pros and cons to married life as well. This isn't an exact comparison, but I once accidentally - tactlessly - asked someone how they survived as an only child. I can't imagine life without siblijngs. I can't/couldn't iimagine life without a sibling. In the same way, they feel as if you're deprived of something, when really, you're quite content the way you are. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted November 20, 2018 Share Posted November 20, 2018 In Sweden a lot of people never marry. The act itself is not expected. But of course living in a romantic monogamous relationship is what most people strive for still. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 On 11/20/2018 at 6:11 AM, Holmbo said: In Sweden a lot of people never marry. The act itself is not expected. But of course living in a romantic monogamous relationship is what most people strive for still. Is there census data to what proportion of Swedes marry (or follow the cohabiting couple lifestyle)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted November 23, 2020 Share Posted November 23, 2020 9 hours ago, Mark said: Is there census data to what proportion of Swedes marry (or follow the cohabiting couple lifestyle)? According to sensus data: 3,5 million Swedes are married, out of a total of 10,2 million. The average age for those marrying in 2019 were 33,9 for women and 36,3 for men. 1,9 million people live in single households. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skylord Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 I'd say it has something to do with the ideals engraved into religion and culture, as well as people's ideas of what makes a person's life happy and full. Many people see this as an important part of both, and in turn, these ideals are shared to others and shown in the media. When an idea is so prevalent in society, many people will go along with it, whether they truly desire it or not, and expect others to do the same. Not that there isn't anyone who genuinely wants marriage, I just think the spread of common ideas plays a far larger role in why marriage is such a huge part of society. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolo Posted November 24, 2020 Share Posted November 24, 2020 (edited) To be honest society never made me believe that. I new plenty of adults who weren't married when I was a child, and my aunt was always quite vocal about how she was never having children. I remember asking my mum when I was about 8 why people get married (we had attended a wedding at it was very boring and seemed pointless) and she told me something along the lines of "it used to be expected when your dad and I were younger, but now people just do it because they have weird religious beliefs or for tax purposes". Having been raised atheist and not having a clue what "tax purposes" meant I therefor assumed I would never get married. It was engraved in my brain that my goal in life should be and only be to get a PhD and be generally clever and successful. Edited November 24, 2020 by Rolo 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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