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I don't experience romantic attraction. And that's it....


Aromatic Aromantic
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I've been reading a lot of literature about aromantisim, and a lot of it talks about how aro people are disgusted and hate any kind of romance, and how they would never have a partner, and how they have squishes. But I don't relate to any of this. I like to read/ watch romantic media, I have a partner (queerplatonic) and I don't fit most of the stuff on the "you might be aro if..." List on here. I live my live very similarly to an alloromantic person. Obviously its totally cool if you're completely disgusted by romance. But that's not me, and I want aromantic diversity to be acknowledged. I don't know, just something that's been on my mind recently.

~Henry

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You live your life very similarly to an alloromantic person....

 

Most people here don’t, which is why they try to connect with others who feel similar so they don’t feel like a freak in the world. 

 

No. I don’t live my life like any other alloromantic person. If I did I would have never searched a site like this out.

 

And since when has aromantic diversity never been acknowledged?

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I don't know. I just feel out of place if that makes any sense. Because there are a lot of expectations that I don't meet. And if you do, that's awesome. But I don't and I feel alone. Because I've yet to meet anyone who feels the same way as me. Not to say that they don't exist. And when I said "I live like an alloromantic person" I may have phrased it poorly. What I ment is that I don't feel bored or digusted by other peoples romance(s), and I don't really broadcast that my relationship isn't romantic and that its actually a QP. And I want to be around other ARO people, but in every online space I join I feel separate because I don't see others like me. And you say you came here so you don't feel like a freak in the world, I feel like a freak in the world and on here. Just because I """""pass""""" as an alloromantic doesn't mean I'm not made to feel weird and bad by passing remarks. I made that post to try and reach out to other people who feel the same way. The same thing most people on here did just by joining. 

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Hi, welcome :) Here, have some ice cream: :aroicecream::aroicecream: 

 

6 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I've been reading a lot of literature about aromantisim, and a lot of it talks about how aro people are disgusted and hate any kind of romance, and how they would never have a partner, and how they have squishes. But I don't relate to any of this.

 

Some of the stuff out there (on, say, tumblr) can be a bit (how to put this not too unkindly...) Over-simplistic? Stereotyped? Cliched? The reality of the experience for individual aros (or aro-spec) can be rather more complex and nuanced. I'd encourage you to read around more on this site and discover some of the more in-depth threads :) (the "you might be aro if" thread is fairly "light" by the standards of some of the other threads on here, IMO - no offence meant to anyone who's contributed content there)

 

4 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I don't know. I just feel out of place if that makes any sense. Because there are a lot of expectations that I don't meet. And if you do, that's awesome. But I don't and I feel alone. Because I've yet to meet anyone who feels the same way as me. Not to say that they don't exist

 

Nah, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find people here that feel similarly. There is the term cupioromantic, have you heard of that? Maybe it would fit with what you're describing here? Or romance favourable aromantic? People in (or seeking) QPRs could probably also relate. I think you've already hit the heart of the matter: you don't experience romantic attraction. I think that's all that's necessary to identify as aro.

 

6 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I like to read/ watch romantic media

Me too. I enjoy some music and books with romantic themes. It interests me to have art that explores diverse human experiences and emotions, including those I don't. It doesn't disqualify you from the "club" ;) (as I recall one of our other members remarked elsewhere: "I enjoy murder mysteries, but I wouldn't want to actually be in one" xD)

 

4 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

What I ment is that I don't feel bored or digusted by other peoples romance(s)

Me neither. I do identify with other members' descriptions of romance repulsion, but that only applies when the romance is directed at ME. I feel fairly neutral towards other peoples romance. If it makes my friends happy then that makes me happy as well.

 

4 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

Just because I """""pass""""" as an alloromantic

And sometimes you don't feel like explaining, I guess? There is this thread started by @Holmbo

 

 

So, um, yeah. It's really not like it's a competition here to be the aro-est aro of them all :D. Just enjoy your time here and be yourself and you'll most likely find some other folks that you can relate to and connect with. We have a fairly diverse group of people here :aropride:

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12 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

reading a lot of literature about aromantisim, and a lot of it talks about how aro people are disgusted and hate any kind of romance,

I think a lot of this is because it is the people who are romance repulsed who figure out their aromanticism faster, so there are more of them being vocal around the place. Also having strong romantic repulsions is like the extreme end of the spectrum so they get held up by some media as examples ~which is probably why the media generalises and might not give as much time as it should to the fact that it is a spectrum. I am only romantically repulsed by 2 or 3 things, most of the time I float around in a bubble of "that is great, just not for me" indifference. Some people here are actually quite romantically favourable. The literature and media might base their writing on maybe 3 people if you are lucky, normally it is one, so whatever is written is skewed to that personal bias. You will find much more diversity reading these forums, especially the pondered personal experiences and questions. Also what @NullVector said is good. 

 

12 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I don't fit most of the stuff on the "you might be aro if..." List on here.

Add some of your own feelings! The forums are only as diverse as the people who post on them. I guess the romance repulsed have more to work into topics like that which are sort of throw away one-liner statements. 

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You are not the only one who is not romance repulsed.  I would not want a romantic relationship for myself (although I would like a QPR that I image would pass as romantic), but I do take interest in my friends' romantic lives because it is something important to them.  

 

I think perhaps why people who are saying that they hate/are repulsed by romance are more visible/obvious is because they need space to react against society in general, where it is assumed that you are very romance favorable and you are regarded as strange (or worse) if you go against that.  So I think it is important for many that the aro community is a space where romance favorability is not something assumed, but it also should not be assumed that aros are romance repulsed, because that is certainly not the case.  (And I agree with what people have said previously that you will find others who agree with you if you hang out here.)

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17 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I've been reading a lot of literature about aromantisim, and a lot of it talks about how aro people are disgusted and hate any kind of romance, and how they would never have a partner, and how they have squishes.

Aro people are a diverse bunch. There are more ways to be other than romantic than there are to be romantic.
Unfortunately this is not always made clear in literature about aromantisism. Also you can get terms like "squish" and "queer platonic", with meanings so broad and vague you can get 20 definitions from asking 10 aros.
 

17 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

I like to read/ watch romantic media,

I don't think personal taste in entertainment genre means anything at all. Liking romantic fiction dosn't make you any more likely to be alloromantic than liking crime fiction making you likely to be a criminal. Similarly many allos can be more interested in having romance in their lives than watching or reading about it in books and movies.

 

17 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

 I have a partner (queerplatonic) and I don't fit most of the stuff on the "you might be aro if..." List on here. I live my live very similarly to an alloromantic person.

Some QPPs can appear very similar to amantonormative romantic relationships others can be radically different.

 

17 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

Obviously its totally cool if you're completely disgusted by romance.

I am repulsed by romance. In the sense that I don't want to do it or to unnecessarily hear about it. In terms of fiction I'm most likely to be bored with it.
 

17 hours ago, Aromatic Aromantic said:

But that's not me, and I want aromantic diversity to be acknowledged. I don't know, just something that's been on my mind recently.

What I find rather annoying are generalisations like "most (all) aros are (also) ace"; "aros hate kissing/hugging/handholding"; "aros arn't into dating"; etc.

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2 hours ago, Star Girl said:

I think perhaps why people who are saying that they hate/are repulsed by romance are more visible/obvious is because they need space to react against society in general, where it is assumed that you are very romance favorable and you are regarded as strange (or worse) if you go against that.

I very much agree. It would be far easier for me if it were possible to simply opt out of romance.
However it's the way in which being really into romance is almost like a precondition of being accepted as human being.
The way in which I'd like to do romantic things with friends (subject to mutual consent) is regarded as strange, weird, taboo. Whereas romantic relationships are acceptable to talk about with anyone, even strangers and small children.

 

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there are certainly ways in which I don't follow the common aromantic complaints :P I try not to interfere with their letting it out though. they aren't invalid for feeling pressured. in fact, feeling pressured into romance is common for many aromantic folk.

 

but, it isn't universal, that's for sure. it does not phase me to hear someone say, they don't feel romantic attraction, and also are not romance-repulsed. there are certainly folk like that I've met in the past. in fact, I'm not aromantic, and yet I can be romance-repulsed at times xD

 

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 23/10/2017 at 4:55 AM, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

in fact, I'm not aromantic, and yet I can be romance-repulsed at times xD

I know quite a few people who are not aromantic and are romance-repulsed at times, especially romance associated with rom-coms or saccharine movie stereotyped romantic tropes. They are fairly repulsive. The twitterpated ick factor  is high in that sort of media. 

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On 15/11/2017 at 7:58 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

I know quite a few people who are not aromantic and are romance-repulsed at times, especially romance associated with rom-coms or saccharine movie stereotyped romantic tropes.

It's also possible that someone might be aro, even romance repulsed, and enjoy rom-coms, etc. Even for their complete lack of realism.
Someone's tastes in entertainment may not reflect their life much. Law abiding people can enjoy crime fiction. Very few Buffy fans would want to actually live in a place like Sunnydale.

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2 hours ago, Mark said:

Very few Buffy fans would want to actually live in a place like Sunnydale.

Buffffffyyyyyyy

The whole point of Sunnydale is that no one lives there very long unless you have protection of The Slayer. (seriously, if people keep conversationally mentioning Buffy I will never leave this site. Did you know there is a paint called 'Sunnydale'? I am now slowly painting all my furniture in it)

 

Fictional media is fictional so the fantasy can be enjoyed by anyone and everyone. I just abstractly like the idea of a romance repulsed allo.

I am all about freedom from censorship for fully fictional media, even if that does mean more cartoons about different animals falling in love in the most Hollywood stereotyped way. Why does the Upendi song have to be so catchy? D:

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I'm an Aromantic also and I don't really fit into the things either with the "you might be aromantic if" or "your an aromantic if" kind of stuff. LIke for instance this thing I found on one of them  "You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well". I happen to like the romance that I see in books or movies and I don't find it annoying or upsetting. I happen to still be in high school as a senior though and in my school most people accept gays, Lesbians, and bisexuals but they don't accept aromantics or asexuals. So the people that are aromantic or asexual have to hide who they are from people while being tormented by people teasing and bullying them just because they are still a virgin or they have never had feelings for a person before.

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4 hours ago, maryisapirate said:

"You find romance boring, annoying or upsetting when it appears in fiction, even if it’s written well". I happen to like the romance that I see in books or movies and I don't find it annoying or upsetting.

Yeah, well, “A Beautiful Mind” was a great movie, too, though it focused on mental states beyond my ken. In this way well-written romance can sometimes be interesting. xD

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