Holmbo Posted October 1, 2017 Share Posted October 1, 2017 Do you ever pretend to be an allo in general conversation instead of having to "come out" or just be quiet? The other night I was at a colleagues place for a going away hang out. No one there know me very well and all just assume I'm a default (straight allo). We were a small group of people talking about all kinds of topics. The question of children came up and I said that I didn't think I wanted children. One person there was very perplexed by this because she couldn't understand how I could know this when I don't have a partner yet. I wanted to argue against this, it's an important thing to consider before you chooses a partner, and I found myself wanting to pretend to be allo just so that I could use myself as an example. In the end I neither explained my romantic orientation nor pretended to be allo. I just said something general about how I'm a person that makes up my mind far ahead. The incident made me wonder if anyone else on this forum have wanted to pretend to be allo in order to make some point. I don't mean the general I will just allow you to assume but deliberately stated that you want a romantic relationship even though you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamwiseLovesLife Posted October 4, 2017 Share Posted October 4, 2017 On 01/10/2017 at 11:45 AM, Holmbo said: One person there was very perplexed by this because she couldn't understand how I could know this when I don't have a partner yet. I wanted to argue against this, it's an important thing to consider before you chooses a partner, and I found myself wanting to pretend to be allo just so that I could use myself as an example. In the end I neither explained my romantic orientation nor pretended to be allo. I just said something general about how I'm a person that makes up my mind far ahead. Yeah I feel this. I mean for me admittedly I usually throw all the cis/het/normative boxes out the water simply being transgender so less assumptions are made.. or different ones? But yeah the few times I'm assumed to be anything (almost always wrong) I tend to not correct them unless it's necessary. I don't need that kind of hassle in my life just for being anything but the norm and frankly giving elxpinations for hours doesn't appeal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 So I didn't know about squishes vs crushes until recently but I can recall ....must be between 7 and 5 years ago having a deep conversation with a friend. I let her assume that my squish on a much older family friend was similar to her feelings towards her much older family friend so that we could commiserate about being attracted to people who are pretty much off limits because of social and family constraints. So I didn't really fake being allo, I just kinda pretended through omission so that my friend and I could share some stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lex Barringer Posted October 6, 2017 Share Posted October 6, 2017 On 10/1/2017 at 5:45 AM, Holmbo said: Do you ever pretend to be an allo in general conversation instead of having to "come out" or just be quiet? The other night I was at a colleagues place for a going away hang out. No one there know me very well and all just assume I'm a default (straight allo). We were a small group of people talking about all kinds of topics. The question of children came up and I said that I didn't think I wanted children. One person there was very perplexed by this because she couldn't understand how I could know this when I don't have a partner yet. I wanted to argue against this, it's an important thing to consider before you chooses a partner, and I found myself wanting to pretend to be allo just so that I could use myself as an example. In the end I neither explained my romantic orientation nor pretended to be allo. I just said something general about how I'm a person that makes up my mind far ahead. The incident made me wonder if anyone else on this forum have wanted to pretend to be allo in order to make some point. I don't mean the general I will just allow you to assume but deliberately stated that you want a romantic relationship even though you don't. At first I'm quiet. Then I attempt to steer the conversation into a more neutral direction in subtle ways, little by little. Here's the thing, there are people that think that you need a partner to figure out if you want kids or not. There are the kind of people that understand the probably logistics of not wanting kids; too expensive, too noisy, too tiring, etc. If that question comes up, just tell them truth, what you are. That no amount of shaming or attemping to subvert you into believing you're wrong will work. Some people are just looking to get into a fight, like that idiot that has one hell of a confirmation bias that need some serious adjustment. Just tell them, you were born this way and that you're not broken and fine with who you are and your choices. If they try to side / evil eye you or act like a-holes, laugh at them. The sheer amount of idiocy I've encountered with people that don't know me is astounding, even when these people supposedly had sensitivity training, all of that goes out the window when you're talking to them in a small group outside of work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 On 2017-10-06 at 4:12 AM, Lex Barringer said: If that question comes up, just tell them truth, what you are. That no amount of shaming or attemping to subvert you into believing you're wrong will work. Some people are just looking to get into a fight, like that idiot that has one hell of a confirmation bias that need some serious adjustment. It's not that I think they'd disapprove. I assume their reaction would be something like: "that's a thing? I didn't know about that." But at that time I wanted to discuss the topic of having children, not my romantic orientation, so I was tempted to just bypass it all by pretending to be allo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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