Holmbo

On 10/15/2023 at 5:43 AM, hemogoblin said:

I think many aplatonic people are aromantic simply because the term is more visible in our community, but it's certainly not a requirement.

I haven't thought about that. It makes sense but for some reason I just considered Aros being aplatonic.

@BloodLustiI think it's good. Warning for extreme body horror at some points though if you're sensitive to that.

It's about a woman who works as a hench for super villains. There's lots of lgbt rep and no romantic relationships.

I was reading the book Hench by Natalie Zina Walschots and was touched by the main characters grief about losing her friend. And another character not dismissing her feeling about it.

What was it about having free time that made you realize you hate having a gender? Was it something you read or saw? Or just general introspection? Maybe if you dig down into the cause you'll know more what to do about it.

I think society in general put so much focus on romance but really you can have deep committed relationships which are friendships. So if you're having trouble trusting people start by building some trusting friendships.

I very rarely dream about anything sexual. I don't think I've ever dream about kissing. Only a few times have I dreamt about sex and only one time was it actually arousing. The funny thing is that sex dream came after a choir practice where we were singing burning love by Elvis. The whole song is basically about being super horny and the choir leader told us to sing as if we really felt it. So I suppose I successed. It makes me wonder if I would have more sex dreams if I put more attention to sex in my waking time.

You could be aromantic AND have attachment issues ^^

That sucks I'm sorry

You can only do it when using your own blood as ink.

I'm impervious to poison

On 9/25/2023 at 1:14 AM, ozymandias said:

I know I am gonna get so much hate for this, but for some reason I hc Miguel o Hara as aroace. I don't know, he just gives off that vibe-

Why would you get hate for aroace headcannon at an aro forum? Seems an unreasonable thing to assume to me.

1 hour ago, Ghostflower said:

 

That’s really interesting!  I’ve never heard of Heartstopper Syndrome before :0 I actually have a lot of trouble enjoying Alice Oseman’s work, I think because so many people have hyped it up.  Alice Oseman is an aroace author, and there are aroace characters in their stories, but it’s all too steeped in unattainable romance for my tastes.  It’s like having to wade through a poisonous bog to get a small glimpse of a lovely aro frog :(

Hehe I get what you mean. She's definitely very romance favorable aro.

I've only read loveless by her and I thought it was ok. I do give it lot of plus for including all the aro culture and experience so because of that I'm rating it high. It would be great to have more aro protagonists in different kinds of stories .

I think sometimes we reach for a label in order to defend ourselves. Like it's ok to not have a relationship if we're aromantic. So if you don't really feel comfortable coming out ATM you could also just embrace that you don't owe anyone a justification. You can just live your life how you want to, not having to use any label for it.

@nonmerciwhat did you like more about season one?

@Peggya

At least you have a lot of company of people being sad after watching heartstopper. There's a whole subreddit about it https://www.reddit.com/r/heartstoppersyndrome/

I watched season two of heartstopper on my parents Netflix when I was pet sitting. I enjoyed it a lot. I didn't see any specific post about it so I made one in case anyone wants to share their thoughts. What did you think of the season? Any favorite scenes?

Agreed @Lovebirda

Also, all people are different people. Saying that all allos is a certain way is pretty silly overall.

7 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Yeah that's a trope that I hate. Everytime a character, usually female as it is also part if the "I am not like other girls" trope, says they are not interesting in dating or things like that, it is just a code for "another character will make them change their mind". And so that's what people hear everytime an aro says that.

Agreed. Although it can also be men but in that case it's more in the "robot learns to become human"  vibe where someone very logical gets in touch with their emotions by falling in love.

I didn't feel much interest to watch this movie since I learned the main plot was a mediocre romance where the characters like each other because "the plot said so". But now I kinda wish I had seen it just so I could comment on your post. I might watch it at some point because it does seem to have some good part and I'm sure the animations are cool

@Firebirdmaybe those guys were only "friends" with you because they actually wanted to date you. If so friendship wouldn't work. But I have male friends that doesn't want to date me and it works fine.

On 9/11/2023 at 9:16 PM, Firebird said:

The problem is, in my experience, you can't just friendzone someone. Alloromantics seem to be deaf to the word "no", and being a friend still leaves them in the "If I just try hard enough, they'll realize we were meant to be together all along, they're just delusional, etc" mindset. Best you can do is just completely disengage, hell, even rudeness will spare both of you emotional trouble in the long run. There is nothing wrong with being rude in situations like this. To be completely honest, the behavior of this dude you described is pretty creepy, so the moment someone tries to invade your personal space, it's more than ok to tell them to fuck off.

I agree. If the guy has already romozoned you he likely has no actual interest in being friends. Any interaction is just gonna be a seen as a stepping stone to a romantic relationship.

I would say bring up as soon as possible that you're not interested in dating. You don't even need a segway. Just say "I get this feeling maybe you're interested in me and if that's the case I want you to know I don't date." If he says then he wasn't interested romantically then don't make a big deal out if it. Just say something like how you assumed because he was so friendly and ask if is he that focused on anyone he makes friends with.

Also if he should claim he does want to be friends ask yourself do you want to be his friend? You don't have to.

5 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

Not really but I don't think it is linked to my aromanticism. I don't know if there is a cause, but I just... don't experience that I guess ? For a long time I thought it was just a way of presenting things, to say "I recognize I have things in common with these characters", but then I realized it is something more powerful than that.

I see what you mean. I do wonder also if I lack the ability and that's why I don't experience it. But I also think from just a objective standpoint of having things in common I don't see that either. Now that I think of it I've find way more similar people in real life than I ever have in fiction. Do you ever meet people irl that you feel have similar personality to you?

That sucks! I'm sorry you have to experience this. I agree it's so annoying that dating is considered a must in terms of maturity by so many people.

If you're into podcasts I would advice trying Solo - the single persons guide to a remarkable life. The guy who hosts it really struggled for a long time with the expectations of dating. He's allo so it's not about aromanticism (although there's at least one episode with an aro guest) but still it's very relatable for aros. For example he talks about how adulthood really should be considered someone who can parent themselves. It shouldn't be connected to marriage or having children like it often is.

If so who, and why?

The reason I'm asking is because I kinda feel like I've never actually seen a fictional character with similar personality like me. It made me wonder if it's because so few characters are aromantic and therefore other aros might have similar problems. But if not I'm also interested about hearing who you relate to.

Haha sounds like a very aro thing for your mom to say. I'm thinking it's like nomerci says, people choose whether to act on their feelings. I think there also the act of dating and people maybe conflating that with the actual romantic feeling. Because when you date you usually bring in practical aspects to like does this person seem like they would make a good partner. If they do seem to make a good partner that can increase the persons romantic attraction to them too, and make it seem like they choose their attraction to them.

30 minutes ago, Isa1116 said:

Whoa... I feel like that ALL the time! Tho my opinions on sex change all the time. Sometimes I'm sex-positive, sometimes I'm repulsed, and most of the time idc about it..

I'm never repulsed. I just don't meet anyone I want to have sex with.