Holmbo

Cool. I knew about the solo book but I didn't realize Bella's book is out. I'm probably gonna preorder the solo book because I've enjoyed the podcast a lot.

I suppose it depends on the purpose of the word. Because you could have non amourous partners, like qpr. I don't know if people who have qpr think of them in terms of being monogamous or polygamous.

On 10/30/2023 at 9:51 AM, Mark said:

.

Also it's unclear if this asked about non-romantic sex. Thus may do nothing to address the lack of allo aro representation. Even, potentially, exacerbate the existing conflation of aro with ace.

 

From the way the article is written it sounds like romance and sex was conflated in the study. But it might just be the article trying to summarize it.

6 hours ago, Keith said:

Do you have any scifi novels recommendations? I've been wanting to read some for a while now, especially since I'm already kind of familiar with scifi movies, but I don't know where to start. 💔💔

Sure I have many recommendations. I can message you

I dislike when romance is presented as a cure for personal problems like mental unhealth or dissatisfaction with life. I suppose it's not uncommon for a romantic partner to improve a persons life overall but it's so prevalent in stories that it makes many people feel it's true for everyone, or that any romantic partner is better than none, or that their life will be perfect if they get one.

I'm the variety that enjoys climate activism and scifi novels.

1 hour ago, Oko said:

He can't be angry about another person's feelings.

People can be angry about anything. You might not think it's right or fair but that doesn't change their feelings.

I grew up in Stockholm. The  combination of individualism, atheism and love of American media (which really has a very different culture than the actual US) makes for some interesting views on sex and romance. Marriage is not seen as particularly important, many people don't marry at all even if they live together and have children. There's no such thing as a "homemaker" both partners work and if they are parents the children are in day care from when they are one years old. Sex is viewed very positively and as an important step into adulthood. Parents generally allow their teenage children to have their partner stay the night.

Because of the individualism I feel like the core family becomes more important somehow. Many adult Swedes don't have any close friends at all, they expect their romantic partner to be their partner in everything. And if they have children all of their attention and care is expected to go to them. The term "curling parent" is used a lot (for a parent that sweeps every discomfort or obstacle from their child's life) I feel it's generally expected that everyone wants children.

All that to say that I grew up assuming I would have children and because of this I needed a coparent. Apart from that though there was not an expectation for me to marry or any emphasis that it would somehow increase my worth as a person. As a teen I felt a lot of pressure to have penetrative sex, because it's seen as such an important step in growing up, and I tried to find a romantic partner to have someone to do it with. It wasn't until I was 25 or so that I really understood I just didn't desire a romantic relationship at all and that my sexual attraction was complicated.

I feel like everytime anyone tries to explore the female perspective on something it comes back to romantic relationships or children. For men there's much more answers to the question "what does it mean to be a man?" some of them destructive sure but it's at least there. Do you know of any books exploring what does it mean to be a woman except in terms of romantic relationships and child rearing?

I don't know if my question makes sense to anyone but me, feel free to ask follow up questions.

3 hours ago, Oko said:

Yes, it is. And when you don't requite his feelings, he is angry. Why?

Entitlement

I don't think you lead him on. You were interested in him platonically. You could just as well said He lead You on, pretending to be interested in a platonic relationship when actually he just wanted romance or sex.

How annoying!

Sounds like a super annoying person.Since he's not decent you don't have to be either.

18 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

📣

 

They should create a more "scientific" test, that doesn't include bad traits, as Big 5 does. As I said before, neuroticism is simply bad, period.

Except for extroverted-introverted, the other traits also seem biased in the direction: conscientious, agreeable*, open.

I agree on that point. Maybe if they just find other words which are more neutral to describe kinda the same thing. Like neuroticism could be named "vigilance" or something. And agreeable could be "acquiescing" or something like that.

But even with changed words I suppose there still would be a bias towards (using the current terms) high openness, conscientiousness, extrovertion, agreeableness and low neuroticism.

At one point in time MBTI was very important for me to understand myself and how others might differ from me. I'm very strong in the Intuition and Thinking and when I realized some people are more sensing or feeling I could better understand them. But now days I don't really think about those indicators anymore and I feel at times they get too much interest considering they're not really used in psychology.

Instead of going with each item of clothing as gender neutral you could go with combining very gendered stuff in each direction. For example have male clothing but do hair and makeup feminine.

Dreams can certainly be very weird. I dreamt last night I was going into space and it was very stressful to fix all of the preparations. Then right before I was going to go out in vacuum with a suit I realized that actually maybe my mission weren't really needed and just something we had gotten in our heads we needed to do.

On 4/15/2022 at 1:13 AM, such said:

Joan and Sherlock from Elementary - the whole show is centred on their relationship, their deep commitment to each other and the way their lives are inextricably linked. The show actually explores each of them dabbling in romance and dating (not with each other), but ultimately it never works out because their lives aren't suited to 'conventional' romantic relationships. It's not perfect, but in my eyes it is some of the best QPR rep! They care about each other so much and it's not romantic or sexual 😍

And simply the fact that this is a show where the two main characters, a cishet man and a cishet woman, do not fuck each other and have no romantic tension throughout all seven seasons is groundbreaking 👌

I've not really given much thought to work shipping but I agree with this one. I only watched the first season but I included a scene from a later season in my aromantic moments video and that one was very qpr.

It feels disappointing when someone you thought was a potential friend romozone you

11 hours ago, Lorem said:

We sent it because we didn't suspect he would plagiarize us 🤡

Of course you didn't

That sucks! I'm sorry this happened to you. Did he read your report before or how did he copy it?

On 11/23/2023 at 1:18 PM, dordor said:

i agree with the demiromantic part but i think he is asexual. he did have sex and enjoyed it but i still never got the vibe that he was sexually attracted to amy 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♂️

Edit; never mind

How do I delete a post? 😄

What kind of different aesthetic attractions have you felt?

I find it fascinating that even though we learn more and more about human psychology there are still so many times when we experience things that are just hard to even put into words. I wanted to make a thread for everyone to share states of mind that felt weird to them.

This thread could contain triggers for distressing thoughts and feelings I suppose.

5 hours ago, Oko said:

Yes, you're right. I don't want to be in relationship anymore. It makes me unhappy just imagining it. Can I find the podcast on YouTube?

Sure

https://youtube.com/@soloasinglepersonsguidetoa3476?si=t-5GNoyXUPCtFf7F