Holmbo

Have you tried the relationship anarchy smorgasbord? It's a way to talk about relationships without having to rely on set templates of what a relationship should be.

Thanks for sharing this. I find it interesting to read.

Personally I feel very strong familial attraction. But it's not based on who's technically my relative but rather which people I've grown up with. I have a friend who I've known all my life and whom I still see regularly and I feel like she is a sister to me. There's a commitment there which feels different than friendship, maybe similar to what people look for in a qpr.

Sorry if that is of topic since you're talking about being afamilial.

I used to play The Sims as a young adult. A lot of my Sims would be very promiscuous because I thought it was fun to try to have babies with as many people as possible.  Unfortunately the other sims were very monogamous and would be mad at my Sims if they saw them having sex with someone else, it would even be enough that they were at the same lot for them to notice.

Maybe it would help you to explore more about life styles outside the norm you've been taught. For example maybe you would feel more comfortable identifying as solo or single at heart. Since that is about choices rather than orientation.

8 hours ago, Neon said:

First off, yeah, they were rude. And, yes, your initial response, "that's not funny" was very good. You didn't overreact at all.

That being said, your expression of being upset should have ended after the initial conversation. Giving her the cold shoulder all night for an issue you've already resolved is also rude (though not on the same level imo), and just creates a new problem. If you couldn't not do that, which is fair, you should have excused yourself with something along the lines of "I'm not mad anymore, but I need some time to cool down".

But it wasn't resolved. OP didn't feel good about the apology.

I don't think there's anything called "too sensitive". We all have our preferences and values. Maybe for you a value is friends should never insult each other. If so you should find other friends who share this value.

I feel like you could tell them this and make sure they know it's not because anything they do. To do a comparison: let's say you really enjoyed talking with someone but at times you'd get into periods where you just wanted to sit quietly with them. Neither is better, they are just different.

Just practice. If you want to get good at it try out some improv.

6 hours ago, Milly said:

It shouldn't be called dating bc it's an alternative relationship. An aro and allo person can't normally date.

Apart from what others have already mentioned  Some people desire a romantic relationship even if they don't experience romantic attraction. They might choose to be in a romantic relationship with someone they are not in love with. Nothing wrong with it as long as they don't pretend to experience romantic attraction.

I've had two boyfriends and gone on various dates with different people. First date was almost always fun but by third I felt bored. I feel like maybe now that I'm more mature I might give dating another chance, but it's gonna be much more of a relationship anarchy approach, mainly building friendships but some sensual or sexual activities might not necessarily be off the table.

Update: I know went and I had a great time. Everyone was really nice and relaxed. I also met three other people I know already from other contexts so that was fun. I only knew one of them was going.

I left after just two hours because it's pretty intense mingling around talking to a bunch of new people, but I'm definitely coming back.

Welcome!

What's Trevorspace?

14 hours ago, Lovebird said:

It's the longest, and most serious relationship I've ever been in. I expected myself to get over it quicker because well, people keep saying that's something you *have* to move on quickly from. And it's like, I just simply can't???

Another thing I'm scared about is that I'm never going to get over it.

Which people are saying you have to move on from it in a week? That sounds unrealistic to me. Every loss requires grieving time.

On 12/28/2023 at 8:08 PM, Mark said:

within the aro community the concept of platonic attraction can be rather lionised and romanticised.

I agree. I get the impression sometimes of just swallowing all alloromantic norms but instead replacing the romantic partner with a qpr. But that's because I'm so content unpartnered and dislike this amatonormativity in society.

It seems to me that a week is a very short time to get over a six year relationship ending so I'm not surprised you're still upset about it. I think allow yourself to grieve, you don't have to fix it or feel good right away. 🫂

16 minutes ago, Darkraven77 said:

Bolt.

By this I assume your aro movie is about an Estonian mobility company that offers ride hailing, micromobility, rental, food and grocery delivery. Sounds exciting!

If you were to think about all the movies, books or TV etc that you like most and put the best things of them into one movie, what would that movie be like?

The movie doesn't have to make sense, just make sure to get as much of your favorite things in there.

Plus points if there's an aro theme, but since some aros are romance favorable we might end up with some romantic ones as well.

I'm reading a room of one's own by virginia woolf as recommended by @aro_eliseI

I like it so far. It's interesting to read her reflections about what prevented women in history from writing. It's also quite humorous in its description.

@DeltaAron from your follow up post I get zero indication that you're interested in hearing why I want to go. So I won't reply to any of your additional assumptions about my preferences or the expectations of the venue. 

@DeltaAroyour reply sounds very disapproving to me. As if me going to a polya meetup is inappropriate. As I wrote above I identify as a relationship anarchist and I feel a polya meetup is the best place meeting other like-minded people regarding that.

If you're interested in my reasoning about this and my other reasons I've been drawn to the polya community, let me know and I'll be happy to share. But I'm not gonna write it as a defence.

I remember thinking I would be ok with a partner dating others before I realized I was aro. I've never related to sexual jealousy (or jealousy in general really).

Welcome!

There are many romance favorable aros.

Welcome!

I was previously rereading Golden Son, the second book in the red rising trilogy. It's so much fun! The feeling of utter recklessness and all the unexpected twists of the story. I had forgotten it's that good.

I've kinda dipped my toe into polyamory before but I've been hesitant considering I don't want a romantic relationship and I don't really have that much interest in sex either. That said I identify as a relationship anarchist and I feel a polya meetup is the best place meeting other like-minded people regarding that.

I have been to aro ace meetups before and I've not really identified with the other participants there. They were so into doing calm and cozy activities and I'm a bit wilder and adventurous.

If you too are thinking about getting into polya settings and want to hear how it went for me let me know.

This is the description