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ladyasym

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Personal Information

  • Name
    Sarah
  • Orientation
    Aromantic
  • Gender
    Female
  • Pronouns
    She/Her/They

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ladyasym's Achievements

Young Frog

Young Frog (2/4)

  1. Yeah, that is exactly how I pictured myself while growing up. Whenever I pictured myself living as an adult, I always saw myself alone, in a cozy small house or an apartment. This never really occurred to me until one day while living with an ex-partner, he asked me what my ideal kitchen would look like, and I suddenly realized that I would never feel entirely content with someone else's stuff or aesthetic tastes in 'my' space (outside of a roommate situation). He liked picturing us merging our stuff, and I was hugely uncomfortable with it. Also, I always wondered why people thought it was 'sad' to be at a restaurant solo (especially in movies or TV shows). I thought it seemed like a nice experience, and didn't understand why 'just a table for one please' had a sad or shameful connotation.
  2. YMBAI you wish shows like 'Jane the Virgin' had less lovey romantic stuff, and more focus on platonic relationships and murder-y intrigue.
  3. That was a really interesting test. Definitely take it with a grain of salt - basing gender analysis on stereotypes and problematic 'gender identity disorders' is a little sketch and won't really be accurate for many people. For me, it actually was helpful in clarifying some things. My overall score was 455. I can't attach an image, but essentially, I'm overall androgynous. I present and socialize feminine, but my thought processes are androgynous. This actually neatly spells out why I'm comfortable being a woman, but why my gender identity has never really been a defining aspect of my overall identity. I'm a little confused as to why I'm a cross-dresser, but I could see myself potentially adopting masculine traits/appearance to explore in certain situations - I'm just not all that interested, lol.
  4. Ha, this must be a fairly recent (within the last 5-8 years) thing. Back in the day when I was deep into the HP fanfiction world, there was none of this A/B/O stuff. Good to know what the youth are up to these days, lol. On topic, I'm pretty romance repulsed for movies, but for some reason, have a higher tolerance with books. So, romance stories in the classics (Jane Austen, Brontes, Tolstoy, etc.) I'm into. I'm ambivalent toward YA romance, and I like reading about romance in memoirs (Thru Hiking Will Break Your Heart is a good one). Also, I am neither religious nor romantic, but I find Amish romance novels really satisfying for some reason. More escapist type reading. I don't know why. Maybe the idyllic country setting and sense of community? Oh, also the Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice is 10/10. It's straight up BDSM erotica but I love the portrayal of intimate relationships and connections that aren't a 'typical' romance.
  5. So many things I don't understand about romantic people! Why there has to be this complicated dance around hooking up but still being friends. Some people will hook up, but refuse to talk to you outside of a sexual context - like, I don't want a relationship?? Why can't we just hang out as friends and watch a movie and hook up later? And if we do just hang out, why do alloro people make it full of weird vibes? Ghosting. I hate this so much. If I am investing my time and emotional energy into someone, I don't want to be left hanging. Like if we've already established that there is no 'relationship goal' and it's all for fun and friendship, why ghost? It just doesn't make any sense. If the sex isn't good, why stay together? I have a friend who constantly moans that her partner is too vanilla, and the sex is dull, and they don't want to try anything she's into. So why...? I know I'm a sexually-energetic aro, but seriously - why would you want to suffer boring sex for (presumably) the rest of your life? Why they always think things can be 'worked out'. It seems like they're always working something out. Sorry, but if your partner is dull and hates your family and isn't interested in anything that you like to do, why are you investing so much time into making it 'work'?? Engagements and weddings - why go into debt for something so fleeting? Like buy a house instead - it'll still be there in five years when you divorce and kick them out. Why romance is given such prominence in almost every single book and movie. There are more interesting things in life. Like crocodilians. Shipping. And being emotionally invested in a 'ship' and defending it within an inch of its life and putting so much energy into justifying the very existence of a 'ship'. What even is dating. What constitutes a 'date'. What elements make it a date. What makes it different from doing an activity with someone that you enjoy being around (or want to be around more). Ugh, amatonormativity. Romance is more trouble than its worth - why do so many people think it's the be-all and end-all of human existence?
  6. That's unfortunate! I haven't had too much trouble finding play partners, but I'm looking forward to going to an event next weekend and hopefully meeting some more people in a casual context. There's always a few couples looking for a third, but so far, the scene here seems pretty inclusive. I really enjoyed your article - very interesting, and I definitely appreciate your perspective. Thanks for sharing!
  7. So, does anyone else watch the show 'She's Gotta Have It' on Netflix? Honestly, I'm really vibing with Nola Darling right now - I think she's aro-spec, because she's a relationship anarchist but gets uncomfortable when her sexual partners make things romantic or want to take things 'to the next level'. Could be wishful thinking about me really wanting more aro-representation in the media, but I think her aversion is more than just 'commitment phobia'. Also, if you haven't watched the show - it's wicked, and 110% worth watching.
  8. Let's keep it PG! Is anyone else involved in BDSM type relationships while Aro? How is it working out for you? I'm pretty active in the scene and curious about how other Aro-spec people are experiencing this type of relationship. For me personally, it goes way beyond the sex, and I truly enjoy the non-romantic type of deep connection that comes with BDSM. To me, it is a really great compromise between an intimate romantic connection, and a purely sexual one - kind of an ideal middle ground, and one that's working out really well for me so far. Thoughts? Also, I'm open to questions here or over PM, in case anyone doesn't want to ask or discuss openly. (And if this is crossing a line, please let me know!)
  9. I've definitely felt those feels before! I'm a bit romance-adverse, so I don't tend to get them while watching most movies, just occasionally if there's a really touching closeness between a couple characters in one of the shows I watch (like Diane Lockhart and Curt McVeigh in the Goodwife). Then I get those achy feels because I want that kind of closeness and intimacy with people, but it seems almost impossible to find without romo-strings attached. It doesn't really cause me a great deal of sadness, just a temporary dissatisfaction and pang of loneliness. I think you just need to find some kind of coping mechanism when these kinds of feelings come up though, especially since romantic-type connections are in our face, all the time. Maybe instead of dwelling on the kind of connection you don't have, make a list of things you have instead - like independence, freedom, the ability to live your own life without compromising for another person. If you're old enough for online dating, maybe post a profile about what you're looking for - who knows, there could be someone else in the same boat as you!
  10. I'm currently 24, but looking forward to being 25! Gonna go off on a bit of a tangent, but I've always felt that 25 is kind of the best age. It's a great number, a quarter of a century. I feel like people take you more seriously after you turn 25. But that might have to do with FINALLY being able to rent a car without paying an underage premium.
  11. For me personally, physical touch (even romantically coded stuff like kissing, hand holding, etc) is never romantic, and strictly sensual/sexual - a physical display of platonic affection, sensual pleasure, or sexual attraction. I just don't feel like its a romantic activity for me - although I can understand why it can be interpreted as such. I only get weirded out if someone makes it romantic - like saying 'there's no one else I'd rather be here doing this (ie kissing) with'. Then I get uncomfortable. Also, I would get bored kissing my ex if it seemed more romantic than sensual/sexual. Otherwise though, it's just all in good fun for me - and often, kissing someone is how I tell if there's sexual attraction or not. It's really hard to explain - but it makes sense why past sexual partners felt uncomfortable with prolonged kissing. They interpreted it as romantic, and for me, it was just nice.
  12. YMBAI you look for aro-characters in every single TV show or movie you watch. (Where is the representation?!?)
  13. OH I SEE Hahahaha. It's still not good to wash things directly in water sources, but yes, there's plenty of water to do such things. Personally, I'm a fan of the dirting-bowl method, where you rub dirt and pine needles in your dish to get all the stickiness/food remnants out, burn the dirt, and rinse the bowl. It works really well and I did that all summer, but I am canoe-trippertrash... On that note... I would rather drink fish-egg water treated with bleach than get married.
  14. It's all good, I know about the Appalachian Trail. And no way dude! Leave no trace - unless you straight up just go swimming, washing in water sources just contaminates the water for others. There's showers in towns though. I'm hoping to hike the PCT in a couple years actually.
  15. YMBAI you feel nothing but relief (and guilt at being relieved) when you end a romantic-type relationship. And don't feel anything but happiness for them when an ex tells you about someone they're currently dating. (Also, having to reassure said ex more than once that you're fine hearing about it, and no, it's not weird.)
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