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The 'Why I don't want to be a parent' thread

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On 23/06/2017 at 9:22 AM, James said:

True dat @Holmbo. As far as I'm aware, the carrying capacity of ten billion is a loose estimate based on current food and water production rates. If either process becomes more efficient, the capacity will likely increase some anyway. That's assuming climate change doesn't mess too much with the arable land and that the widespread trend of overfishing is halted. However, alternatives may exist that alleviate that food pressure.

The problem with that is that food and water are commercially and politically controlled. Global society would have to drastically change for the resources to be free flowing enough to support that many people. Anyone else remember that Indonesian (?) leader who stockpiled tons of rice to drive up costs then let it sit rotting in sheds? or the massive amounts of wheat (enough to feed 200 million people if I remember correctly) that was left to rot in India? actually how about all of India's export bans! (though India is not alone) Companies want open markets so they can make maximum profit from primary producers, then when stopped they tend to keep prices high selling to domestic markets so the poor remain poor and there are many more people hungry than needs to be. After WWII my grandfather predicted most of the wars of the future would be over water, and it seems we may be heading straight for those conflicts.

 

@James it is generally argued that the largest freshwater source in N. America is actually the ice cover you get over winter, allowing a slow drain into water courses. Global warming is already messing that up. Most places are get a month or more less good snow every winter compared to 20 years ago, and storms are dumping snow in areas that normally would not see that amount and so much of it is naturally wasted, and winter rain can mess up the snow you get. You can only use water that fills your storage, and they can only hold so much at once. Not to mention that with global warming areas of tundra are melting like never before and scientists are finding viable bacteria from long ago diseases so I think it is only a matter of time until another epidemic starts. Good thing viruses aren't viable for years because there was a recent discovery of a mass grave of Spanish Flu victims recently defrosted. 

 

As you can probably tell from my rant I think most of our offspring will be doomed and I don't want to subject my bloodline to the horror of the future. Plus there are plenty of children already existing who have been abandoned or neglected that I would much prefer to spend time with rather than trying to make my own. 

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On 8/24/2017 at 4:10 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

As you can probably tell from my rant I think most of our offspring will be doomed and I don't want to subject my bloodline to the horror of the future. Plus there are plenty of children already existing who have been abandoned or neglected that I would much prefer to spend time with rather than trying to make my own. 

Pretty much this.

 

I wonder: have you also found it a lonely and isolating experience sometimes, having these sorts of "dark" thoughts about our likely future? I read your fellow Australian Clive Hamilton's book Requiem For A Species a few years back and found it enormously helpful, particularly this paragraph from the final chapter:

 

Quote

Some people live largely for today and give little thought for tomorrow. Others have a deep sense of attachment to the healthy evolution of their societies, the natural world or civilization. Those with an interdependent or metapersonal self-construal are more likely to feel distressed by the threat posed by climate disruption to the future welfare of other people or the natural world. In some cultures, people feel a much stronger attachement to their ancestors and descendants. How we mourn will be influenced by how our society and those around us are responding to the loss. At present, the early mourners feel lonely and isolated, sometimes keeping their thoughts to themselves for fear of alienating those around them with their anxieties and pessimism. It is as if the doctors had declared there is no hope of recovery for a sick child, yet all around friends and family are saying, "Don't worry, she will be fine."

 

Context: the "loss" he's referring to us "mourning" above is the loss of the kind of future we've been culturally conditioned to expect; for ourselves and for our descendants. I see a lot of environmentalists patting themselves on the back for not being stuck in the "denial" stages of climate-change grief, but, to me, they look like they're just stuck in the "bargaining" stages instead! Too much of the discussion is focused around how to avert catastrophe, whereas catastrophe is probably already upon us now, IMO, and so the the discussion should shift to how we go on living through it. "The wind is rising! . . . We must try to live!" (from this poem)

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On 26/08/2017 at 4:26 AM, NullVector said:

I wonder: have you also found it a lonely and isolating experience sometimes, having these sorts of "dark" thoughts about our likely future?

I guess I don't talk about it with friends and I have said pretty much all I have to say on it to my family already. So I guess it is isolating. I don't drag the conversation out so I don't know which of my friends might agree and which might not, but the same can be said of religion.

 

I don't think it is particularly lonely, and is it dark to expect the world to work in cycles? I have read about plagues in history books all my life so when the SARS outbreak happened my reaction was 'oh, that makes sense'. I believe a lot more people are worrying about it or in denial, if they are thinking about it at all, because of the news and publications talking about the end of the effectiveness of antibiotics. It was over 5 years ago I found out there are several strains of resistant tuberculosis (my own personal horror disease phobia) in PNG, some afflicted individuals are brought to Australia for isolation and treatment. That was the point in time I decided to support voluntary euthanasia, because if I get untreatable TB I am offing myself quick smart. 

 

I don't know if my attitude to all of this is considered healthy...probably not. Which may also be the reason why I don't tend to bring it up. I guess I would be the downer in a conversation as most of the people I am around are the live largely for today and give little thought for tomorrow-people, but then I kinda fit in with them, they don't care beyond our generation, I think we are all doomed. Yay, friend group high-5 for the now! saying that, we are quite protectionist about the environment for several different reasons. 

 

On 26/08/2017 at 4:26 AM, NullVector said:

Too much of the discussion is focused around how to avert catastrophe, whereas catastrophe is probably already upon us now

Yup. I watched a documentary about the bushfires in Tasmania a few years (maybe not quite 2 years?) ago and one of the scientists basically stated something along the lines of "people have been waiting for sure signs of global warming, well it has happened. Fires like this have NEVER happened here before. Global warming is upon us" 

yet governments still aren't taking it seriously. Simple changes could change so much! soz for the wall of text, I'll stop myself before I start a rant, though if you ask I will happily continue the rant....and try to tie it to the topic. 

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Soo, I've never really thought about having Kids in the distant future but now that I do I probably don't want any.

It's not that I hate/dislike kids but I never really got along with them (?), I just can't relate to them and they seem to think I'm weird (kind of).

Also I think, should I ever want kids, I would probably adopt some because IMO there are so many children orphaned or given up for adoption that I would want to give them a home.

Also I don't know what the future will be like, and the current dirrection it's heading in is not a world I would want my children to have to live in.

 

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I don't really like kids, or enjoy being around young children. I just feel super awkward and have nothing to say to them. Outside of my family/close friends of my younger brothers, this has always been a theme where I never (willingly) socialized with kids more than a year younger than me - even as a 9-year old. I always got along better with older children, teens, or adults. 

I enjoy working with youth (12+ years) though, especially at-risk youth facing challenges. I volunteered this summer with them, and it was an incredible experience - a lot of really meaningful connections, and I learned so much from them. I think that if I were ever in a financially-secure/stable position, I would probably look into fostering/adopting an at-risk youth or teen, because they tend to be overlooked or just destroyed by the system. 

 

I do intend on having one child, as a surrogate for my best friend (basically a platonic life partner) whenever she decides she wants to have children. She has a lot of health problems, and is unable to conceive or safely have a child herself. I decided to be a surrogate for her back in high school, and have never wavered in this decision (though the whole pregnancy process is rather...icky). But in my mind, it has always been her child - even though it will undoubtedly be a part of my life as well (I think I'll be an okay aunt, even to young kids, haha). 

 

So I'm choosing to remain (mostly) childfree because I have other things that I would much prefer to do, and believe that I'll find more meaning in life outside of parenthood. Also, it's the most environmentally-friendly (if controversial) and sustainable lifestyle choice - and I like the planet. :) 

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8 minutes ago, ladyasym said:

 

So I'm choosing to remain (mostly) childfree because I have other things that I would much prefer to do, and believe that I'll find more meaning in life outside of parenthood. Also, it's the most environmentally-friendly (if controversial) and sustainable lifestyle choice - and I like the planet. :) 

Preach! :clapping:

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I don't want kids because I don't want kids and no one is going convince me to have them anymore than I'll be persuaded to let someone murder me, which is almost as bad.

 

I don't really really don't have a maternal bone in my body, I really don't like babies and with recently a family member having one it has only reassured it. There's far more and better things I can contribute to the world than add another to the surplus population anyway. If humanity wasn't so greedy, damaging and unsustainable then I'd be hard pressed to find such good excuses, but at the end of the day it's my DNA, my life and my choice. I might teach but that's about it.

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On 2017-12-01 at 9:58 AM, ladyasym said:

I do intend on having one child, as a surrogate for my best friend (basically a platonic life partner) whenever she decides she wants to have children. She has a lot of health problems, and is unable to conceive or safely have a child herself. I decided to be a surrogate for her back in high school, and have never wavered in this decision (though the whole pregnancy process is rather...icky). But in my mind, it has always been her child - even though it will undoubtedly be a part of my life as well (I think I'll be an okay aunt, even to young kids, haha).


I might like to do something like that if the option ever came up. Pregnancy is actually really fascinating to me. I'm sure it'd be very uncomfortable but also interesting to see all the weird changes of my body. Also that the kid can hear sounds in the uterus and taste the food in the amniotic fluid. If I knew someone who'd make a great parent I might have a child for them. I doubt the opportunity will come up though, which is probably just aswell because what if I wouldn't want to give the baby up. Hormones can do crazy things I've heard :D

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I have almost always felt uncomfortable around children. I'm too selfish to care for them. On the other hand, I wouldn't want to bring a child into the world in the state it is in now. Yes, it could (and probably will) get much worse than it is now, and that's my point. Children are the future. Mental health illnesses also run in the family. I wouldn't wish these burdens upon another soul. Can you tell I'm a pessimist?

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First off, sorry for necromancing this thread.

 

I have stress issues and depression, but they don't have much to do with why I don't want biological children. I don't want any because I think it's a waste of time for me.

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