Helion Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 I am by now very convinced that I am aromantic (and allosexual) and have started calling myself that around random internet people/close friends for around half a year and it's kind of funny to see how everyone either mistakes it for asexual or for aroace. For me it's honestly pretty rare to meet someone who knows what it means- Like, actually knows, some people that "know" it say things like "Oh aromantic means you don't want to be in relationships, right?", which is inaccurate. I don't blame these people, aromanticity is more complicated than the average lgbtq+ label and no one's forced to study that shit, but it still got me a little curious. What are your experience? My sample size isn't particularly big because I don't have aromantic flags or anything in my bios/profile pictures and don't just mention it to everyone I meet lol, so I figured I'd ask around here what yalls' experiences are for curiosity's sake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 (edited) In my experience in coming out as aro to mainly my in-person friends (or a friend of mine in the know coming out for me/outing me ), or in telling my siblings, there are a few that sum up my aromanticism as asexuality, or in being both aro and ace, constantly. I would correct them and say that I'm aromantic which is different from being asexual, but it still happens from time to time - with the same people I correct still making that same mistake. Luckily, now instead of declaring me asexual or aroace confidently when discussing those identities, or amatonormativity, they would instead pause for a second and actually try to remember what I had corrected the label of asexual to, to which I would have to tell them once again that I'm aromantic. I can really only think of one very close friend of mine who isn't aspec that knows to differentiate aromanticism from asexuality, really. I know every queer person will always be coming out to others (if they desire to) for the rest of their lives, but there really is a unique form of coming out that aspec people go through, and that's educating who we're coming out to on the mere existence of such a community. Yes, trans people (particularly non-binary(spec) people) and allosexuals with a microlabel sexuality will have to do this too, but aspecs are often thought of as an improbability by even other fellow queers. Edited January 7 by The Newest Fabled Creature 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 nobody irl has known what it means Its so annoying having to explain everything when coming out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helion Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said: In my experience in coming out as aro to mainly my in-person friends (or a friend of mine in the know coming out for me/outing me ), or in telling my siblings, there are a few that sum up my aromanticism as asexuality, or in being both aro and ace, constantly. I would correct them and say that I'm aromantic which is different from being asexual, but it still happens from time to time - with the same people I correct still making that same mistake. Luckily, now instead of declaring me asexual or aroace confidently when discussing those identities, or amatonormativity, they would instead pause for a second and actually try to remember what I had corrected the label of asexual to, to which I would have to tell them once again that I'm aromantic. I can really only think of one very close friend of mine who isn't aspec that knows to differentiate aromanticism from asexuality, really. I know every queer person will always be coming out to others (if they desire to) for the rest of their lives, but there really is a unique form of coming out that aspec people go through, and that's educating who we're coming out to on the mere existence of such a community. Yes, trans people (particularly non-binary(spec) people) and allosexuals with a microlabel sexuality will have to do this too, but aspecs are often thought of as improbability by even other fellow queers. Ouch now that actually hurts, having to explain it to someone again and again. Now that you mentioned it, I also have a friend who I explained what I'm feeling pretty thoroughly, but still had to correct him twice that I'm not asexual lmao. For some reason many people that actually have an understanding of the term aroace, aka that it means aromantic and asexual, tend to acknowledge the fact that you can be just asexual, but not the fact that you can also be just aromantic. Not only did I see that in other people, but I actually thought that myself for some reason as a kid. I have an aromantic friend who realised he was aro waaay earlier than me and when he was questioning and asked me if it was possible to be just aromantic I was like "Nah man that's weird, probably not" (How the tables have turned huh-). I guess it's just a little abstract for alloromantic and allosexual people, probably because they usually don't need to make the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction. I remember never really making that distinction back when I was alloromantic, which is why I don't blame them as I said, as long as they are willing to be understanding of my orientation ofc. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 23 minutes ago, Helion said: For some reason many people that actually have an understanding of the term aroace, aka that it means aromantic and asexual, tend to acknowledge the fact that you can be just asexual, but not the fact that you can also be just aromantic. Not only did I see that in other people, but I actually thought that myself for some reason as a kid. I have an aromantic friend who realised he was aro waaay earlier than me and when he was questioning and asked me if it was possible to be just aromantic I was like "Nah man that's weird, probably not" (How the tables have turned huh-). I didn't even know aromanticism was a thing when I was younger, I only ever heard of the term/label 'asexual.' But when I started hearing about aroaces, and wanted to know what the abbreviated word 'aro' meant, I found 'aromanticism,' and kind of learned that aro-ness and ace-ness were two different things in that way. I wouldn't yet learn of the terms 'alloromantic' and 'allosexual' for a long time, until I would later find out that I'm aromantic, so knowing to call some aspec people alloace or aroallo, didn't cross my mind. I would see some people when I was younger, though, state that aro(spec) people couldn't be aro unless they were ace(spec) and I found that silly to think, because people (not all people ofc) could accept that some aces can fall in love, but couldn't accept that some people can experience sexual attraction and not fall in love? Why would someone need to be both if they're aro, but if you're ace you don't need to be? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helion Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 12 minutes ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said: I didn't even know aromanticism was a thing when I was younger, I only ever heard of the term/label 'asexual.' But when I started hearing about aroaces, and wanted to know what the abbreviated word 'aro' meant, I found 'aromanticism,' and kind of learned that aro-ness and ace-ness were two different things in that way. I wouldn't yet learn of the terms 'alloromantic' and 'allosexual' for a long time, until I would later find out that I'm aromantic, so knowing to call some aspec people alloace or aroallo, didn't cross my mind. I would see some people when I was younger, though, state that aro(spec) people couldn't be aro unless they were ace(spec) and I found that silly to think, because people (not all people ofc) could accept that some aces can fall in love, but couldn't accept that some people can experience sexual attraction and not fall in love? Why would someone need to be both if they're aro, but if you're ace you don't need to be? Hmm, now that I'm thinking back to my alloromantic self (For little context, I developped my aromanticism around the age of 14-15 I believe, there was a little period of time when I was alloromantic) I think I always imagined sexual attraction to come from romantic attraction, as in romantic attraction is the first step and sexual attraction being the second step. With that mindset being alloace works, because you just don't do the second step but only the first one and then stop. To be alloaro you would have to skip the first step and go straight to the "result" or "conclusion" of it and I think that was what made me believe alloaro was not real (I still think the irony is amazing lmao). I dunno if that is what a majority of people who don't believe in alloaros think though, I'm pretty sure that was what it was like for me as a clueless kid. When in reality, these are two entirely different concepts that are experienced very differently by different people. For some these two are almost the same, others think of them as somewhat intertwined, but mostly seperate, etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MondoBilby Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Everyone I have told is extremely supportive, but yes they do mix up the meaning of it a little (I don't mind though). Some are like "oh yeah that's the one where you don't want to be in a relationship" or "the one where you hate romance" and I just say "nah bro I literally cannot feel romantic attraction lol" (speaking from my own orientation, I know there's greyromantic and stuff but I'm fully aro). There have been a couple times where people assume that because I'm aro I have little sympathy for allo people when they struggle with romance issues. I like making little jabs and jokes sometimes about my friends' relationships, and two times I've gotten the response "I know you're aro and all that so you wouldn't understand but blah blah blah" and I'm just sitting there thinking "dude I can still feel empathy jesus christ"! I noticed that the most common thing they do is confuse aromanticism with romance repulsion. I guess because I am also romance repulsed that makes it a bit hard to differentiate, and I don't mind explaining the difference. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Posted January 8 Share Posted January 8 19 hours ago, Helion said: For some reason many people that actually have an understanding of the term aroace, aka that it means aromantic and asexual, tend to acknowledge the fact that you can be just asexual, but not the fact that you can also be just aromantic. With the possible exception of alloromantic asexuals, there's virtually no recognition that varioriented people even exist. As well as non-sexual romantic relationships often being socially acceptable whilst non-romantic sexual typically are not (especially any intended to be serious and/or long lasting). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 On 1/7/2024 at 3:01 PM, Helion said: Hmm, now that I'm thinking back to my alloromantic self (For little context, I developped my aromanticism around the age of 14-15 I believe, there was a little period of time when I was alloromantic) I think I always imagined sexual attraction to come from romantic attraction, as in romantic attraction is the first step and sexual attraction being the second step. With that mindset being alloace works, because you just don't do the second step but only the first one and then stop. To be alloaro you would have to skip the first step and go straight to the "result" or "conclusion" of it and I think that was what made me believe alloaro was not real (I still think the irony is amazing lmao). I dunno if that is what a majority of people who don't believe in alloaros think though, I'm pretty sure that was what it was like for me as a clueless kid. When in reality, these are two entirely different concepts that are experienced very differently by different people. For some these two are almost the same, others think of them as somewhat intertwined, but mostly seperate, etc. I kind of see where you're coming from. Although I didn't think this when I was younger, I can see how some people, both aspec and non-aspec alike, could see aroallo-ness as not real, because of the amatonormative belief that not only romantic attraction and romantic relationships are the "norm," but also that it "must" come first. People, usually alloro allos but some aspecs too, tend to forget that sex can exist without feelings, or that it can be very emotionally intimate but just between friends (or in some cases, exist in QPRs). Oftentimes, sex is seen as the Consummation™️, the bringing-together-of-(usually)-two-loves, all the time (this was brought about by Christianity, I'm not saying to blame Christians of course, but this does stem from that). But, loveless marriages (between allos) exist where sometimes the romantic love that people are always told to wait for, just never comes; one night stands exist to which I see allos promote all the time anyway; friends-with-benefits exist; we aspecs exist. So, something is not adding up here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picklethewickle Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 I've never met anyone who knew about aromanticism. If I ever do, I'm going to drive you all crazy, because I'm all of the stereotypes that give all other aros trouble. I am both aro and ace. I am romance repulsed. I do hate romance. I don't want a relationship. I don't feel sympathy for other people's relationship problems, or interest, for that matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkraven77 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Most people I met don't really get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 I have not met a single person who actually knows about being aromantic. For now, vocab lessons are just part of coming out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 (edited) Not much. I only came out to 4 people in my life. I have mentioned it on private my TikTok & Instagram, but I'm not close with the people that follow me on these (we only follow eachother because we share similar interests, worldviews and ect). I have talked about this topic with some of my newest irl friends, so they might have a little bit of an idea about what being aro means, but they don't know that I am on the aromantic spectrum myself. It's not that I don't want to tell them, but more like I don't know how to bring it up without it feeling forced. Edited February 7 by Keith 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organs and bone Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 On 2/5/2024 at 5:07 AM, N1GHTM4R3 said: I have not met a single person who actually knows about being aromantic. For now, vocab lessons are just part of coming out. Yeah, i feel you. I had to explain asexuality to my (bi Demi) friend and once i came out as a questioning aro they had already done a bunch of research about asexuality ♥️ so they already knew a bit about it which was amazing 😭 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 That is probably the a-spec dream. Being represented. Not having to do vocab lessons. Being accepted as who we are. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rook on the Hook Posted March 1 Share Posted March 1 I had such major issues with being assumed to be a completely sex-repulsed alloace after telling people I was aroace that I completely stopped publicly IDing as ace because people were being too weird about it. At least when I exclusively ID as aromantic and people have no idea what that is, I have the opportunity to explain it and what it means to me personally, rather than having stereotypes based off very limited representation automatically applied to me. That said, I do feel pretty fortunate in that I actually do have a lot of people in my life who understand it. It's partly because through sheer happenstance a lot of my friends are also aspec, but I also can't understate how much just being vocal about it and explaining things to people has made a difference in feeling understood in the long run. Maybe they don't totally get it, but I don't really need them to. Just knowing I won't have to give the Aromanticism 101 lecture if I want to talk about how being aro has affected some aspect of my everyday life is such a relief and it was so worth giving that Aromanticism 101 lecture upfront. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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