being asked who your “ideal partner” is

[mordo]

Never understood how people can describe their ideal partner, especially in the terms of having a “type”. it’s such an important idea to allos for some reason and it’s a little silly

before i knew i was aro my “ideal partner” was basically a human pillow that i could share rent with, like a roommate to cuddle 

idk i just think it’s a little silly and wanted to know if other aros had ideas of what a relationship would be that allos thought was weird 

[Guest]

In health class, we had an assignment to write about your ideal romantic partner and the qualities they would have and if looks were important etc😭 It is strange how important it is to them, but I think a type is just their pattern of who they have dated, like if they go for blondes more often yk. I´ve always understood what a romantic relationship is so I didn't have any weird ideas of what a relationship would be, I just didn't realize that it didn't apply to me then.🤷🏽‍♀️

Edited November 5, 2023 by Milly

[Guest Ady]

 This question made me to think about, if I am ase-spec or aro-spec. Last year (14-15years) at school we had a workshop about relationships, s3x, etc. And one of our tasks was to debate in small groups, what our ideal partner would look like/ be like / behave like. I had no idea about it. For me it was like a friend I could talk about everthing, eventually cuddle (no gender preference). But the others seemed like they exactly new the answer and it really confused and upset me, because until that time I had thought that nobody is thinking about it or that they just act.

Sorry for my english, it is not my native language.

[Neon]

I was that person who insisted it was all "personality" then refused to elaborate lmao.

[MondoBilby]

 I guess it's like having an ideal friend. Personally, I prefer confident people over shy or insecure people, so I naturally gravitate towards those kinds of people if I'm looking for a buddy. I assume that would be the same case for people with romantic types.

That's personality though, I don't fully understand how people find certain features on a person romantically attractive. I understand if they find it hot, because I'm not asexual and I definitely have a type in that regard. But I'm a bit confused as to how a certain hair colour can make you want to date someone more.

[hemogoblin]

Huh. It's interesting that I get people's ideals. Like, I think it's a good idea to have an idea of what you are looking for or at least what you like and don't like. But I certainly never had an ideal myself when I was allro/dating. Like, I dunno. People are gonna be who they are. Sometimes I like them. Sometimes I don't. I don't think it comes down to certain traits. I think it's a whole lotta things and a little bit of luck if we end up getting along.

Purely physical types, I've never gotten, though, and considering how often they tend to be bigoted, people talking about physical ideals just kinda gives me the ick.

[aro_elise]

i could describe what's important to me in a friend and what i'd like in a sexual partner (my "type"), and i guess combining them would result in my ideal fwb, but that's it.  nothing would make me want to date someone.  and i wouldn't love anyone more than my existing best friend.  

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Before I found out I was aromantic, my "ideal partner" was someone who could check all of these unattainable boxes on a very extensive list I would come up with, just so I could, subconsciously, not have to get with anyone of any gender even when I thought that I wanted to. After finding out I'm aromantic, my "ideal partner" would now be someone who understood my identity and so would leave me alone.

[P4R4D0X]

On 11/5/2023 at 3:11 PM, Guest said:

In health class, we had an assignment to write about your ideal romantic partner and the qualities they would have and if looks were important etc😭 It is strange how important it is to them, but I think a type is just their pattern of who they have dated, like if they go for blondes more often yk. I´ve always understood what a romantic relationship is so I didn't have any weird ideas of what a relationship would be, I just didn't realize that it didn't apply to me then.🤷🏽‍♀️

On 11/6/2023 at 10:40 AM, Guest Ady said:

 This question made me to think about, if I am ase-spec or aro-spec. Last year (14-15years) at school we had a workshop about relationships, s3x, etc. And one of our tasks was to debate in small groups, what our ideal partner would look like/ be like / behave like. I had no idea about it. For me it was like a friend I could talk about everthing, eventually cuddle (no gender preference). But the others seemed like they exactly new the answer and it really confused and upset me, because until that time I had thought that nobody is thinking about it or that they just act.

Sorry for my english, it is not my native language.

Wait... so, im 12, im at school, and ur telling me this is whats coming?

[Mult]

I've never had to fill out any "ideal partner" list in school or anything, but peers having celebrity crushes was always strange to me. I could not understand where they were coming from and what they felt towards these people whom they would likely never meet.

I do understand admiring someone for their talent or looking up to them for their style, but fantasizing or wanting a romance with them is just completely unrelated to me.

Even answering questions at school of who my roll model is wasn't something I felt I could answer. I ended up writing a presentation on Captain Cluny Macpherson as someone I looked up to for inventing a gas mask used in the first World War—an example of how completely out of touch I was with celebrity figures even as a kid. I just do not feel attached to people like that in my life. I feel familial or platonic connection to people in my life, but it is really hard for me to answer whom I feel "inspired" by. 

Even for regular people whom I have met, I cannot fathom fantasizing or wanting a relationship with them. Wanting to be in a relationship, do romantic stuff, be seen as a couple is just very foreign to me and not something I want.

[organs and bone]

On 2/6/2024 at 5:18 PM, N1GHTM4R3 said:

Wait... so, im 12, im at school, and ur telling me this is whats coming?

yup i think in 7th grade we talked a bit then more in 8th - mostly about genetic stuff and then health in high school. America’s sex ed yea

[P4R4D0X]

this year, (6th) we are gonna learn about the uhh //reproductive systems of the other gender.

i can only imagine what this is going to be like. most people barely survived last year.

[Leistorm]

Lmao whenever I was asked to describe my "ideal partner" I'd always describe my ideal best friend (I just described my closest friend since she's ideal enough for me)

Also people made such a huge deal out of those sex ed lessons. I feel like if everyone was a little more mature about it, I would've felt less awkward. I can't tell if being ace made me extremely mature because I don't understand the important of sex, or if it made me more awkward about things like this. Depends on the situation.

[P4R4D0X]

On 2/18/2024 at 3:01 AM, Leistorm said:

Also people made such a huge deal out of those sex ed lessons. I feel like if everyone was a little more mature about it, I would've felt less awkward. I can't tell if being ace made me extremely mature because I don't understand the important of sex, or if it made me more awkward about things like this. Depends on the situation.

lol same