being asked who your “ideal partner” is

[mordo]

Never understood how people can describe their ideal partner, especially in the terms of having a “type”. it’s such an important idea to allos for some reason and it’s a little silly

before i knew i was aro my “ideal partner” was basically a human pillow that i could share rent with, like a roommate to cuddle 

idk i just think it’s a little silly and wanted to know if other aros had ideas of what a relationship would be that allos thought was weird 

[Milly]

In health class, we had an assignment to write about your ideal romantic partner and the qualities they would have and if looks were important etc😭 It is strange how important it is to them, but I think a type is just their pattern of who they have dated, like if they go for blondes more often yk. I´ve always understood what a romantic relationship is so I didn't have any weird ideas of what a relationship would be, I just didn't realize that it didn't apply to me then.🤷🏽‍♀️

Edited November 5 by Milly

[Guest Ady]

 This question made me to think about, if I am ase-spec or aro-spec. Last year (14-15years) at school we had a workshop about relationships, s3x, etc. And one of our tasks was to debate in small groups, what our ideal partner would look like/ be like / behave like. I had no idea about it. For me it was like a friend I could talk about everthing, eventually cuddle (no gender preference). But the others seemed like they exactly new the answer and it really confused and upset me, because until that time I had thought that nobody is thinking about it or that they just act.

Sorry for my english, it is not my native language.

[Neon]

I was that person who insisted it was all "personality" then refused to elaborate lmao.

[MondoBilby]

 I guess it's like having an ideal friend. Personally, I prefer confident people over shy or insecure people, so I naturally gravitate towards those kinds of people if I'm looking for a buddy. I assume that would be the same case for people with romantic types.

That's personality though, I don't fully understand how people find certain features on a person romantically attractive. I understand if they find it hot, because I'm not asexual and I definitely have a type in that regard. But I'm a bit confused as to how a certain hair colour can make you want to date someone more.

[hemogoblin]

Huh. It's interesting that I get people's ideals. Like, I think it's a good idea to have an idea of what you are looking for or at least what you like and don't like. But I certainly never had an ideal myself when I was allro/dating. Like, I dunno. People are gonna be who they are. Sometimes I like them. Sometimes I don't. I don't think it comes down to certain traits. I think it's a whole lotta things and a little bit of luck if we end up getting along.

Purely physical types, I've never gotten, though, and considering how often they tend to be bigoted, people talking about physical ideals just kinda gives me the ick.

[aro_elise]

i could describe what's important to me in a friend and what i'd like in a sexual partner (my "type"), and i guess combining them would result in my ideal fwb, but that's it.  nothing would make me want to date someone.  and i wouldn't love anyone more than my existing best friend.