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what defines the grey area?


humantoafault
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It makes no difference to me personally, but I enjoy these sorts of discussions.^_^

 

Is the grey area defined by lack of romantic desire, or can it also be defined by experiencing crushes extremely infrequently and/or needing a specific setup in place in order to experience a crush? Which would have to be considered more important to the definition?

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I always figured the grey area means everything that isn't easily defined as black or white (or whatever other rainbow colours are appropriate).

 

I think most people are probably in some kind of grey area between things, and choose labels according to what fits the closest most of the time.

 

But what do I know, I'm just a confused alien. :D

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On 9/4/2016 at 11:32 PM, humantoafault said:

Is the grey area defined by lack of romantic desire, or can it also be defined by experiencing crushes extremely infrequently and/or needing a specific setup in place in order to experience a crush? Which would have to be considered more important to the definition?

 

Grey-romanticism is all of those things. It's like a giant bin filled with labels. If you experience zero crushes and zero desire to form a romantic relationship (both) then you are aromantic. If you experience romantic attraction like most people do (or you think you do), then you are romantic. Anything between is grey-romantic. For example:

  • Rare crushes with no desire to form a romantic bond
  • Lots of crushes with no desire to form a romantic bond
  • Crushes only under certain circumstances, like it's hot and rainy (not related to gender, that's just hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-)
  • No crushes with a desire to form a romantic bond
  • Attraction that fades once in a relationship
  • Attraction that is initially absent but builds up after a long time in a relationship
  • Being completely uncertain if your feelings count as romantic attraction

And more!

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2 hours ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Crushes only under certain circumstances, like it's hot and rainy (not related to gender, that's just hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-)

Are there any specific examples?

Do things like recipromanticism count? (I'm recipromantic, but I swear that is not why I made this topic. I'm legitimately interested in the discourse. It doesn't matter to me if my experience counts as grey or not. What I experience is far closer to romantic than aro, anyway.)

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3 hours ago, humantoafault said:

Are there any specific examples?

Do things like recipromanticism count? (I'm recipromantic, but I swear that is not why I made this topic. I'm legitimately interested in the discourse. It doesn't matter to me if my experience counts as grey or not. What I experience is far closer to romantic than aro, anyway.)

 

I think it does? I'm new to all this, but that sounds like a specific condition to me. 

 

I feel like I fall in the grey area too, but I id as frayromantic (attraction that fades once in a relationship). 

 

I can even feel rather strong attraction, but I'm still not alloromantic. No matter how hard I've crushed on anyone, as soon as I was locked into that relationship, I felt buried.

 

And for the most part, I'm not romance repulsed, or even against physical affection. But I can't ride that relationship escalator. It feels wrong. So I'm probably more grey romantic than anything.

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Recipromantic is when you only experience crushes on realizing that someone else has one on you. Which is pretty me, and why the crushes I experience are not often. However, for me it may as well be a type of romantic, I think. Others might experience recipromantic a little differently.

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On 07/09/2016 at 0:14 AM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:
  • No crushes with a desire to form a romantic bond
  • Attraction that fades once in a relationship
  • Attraction that is initially absent but builds up after a long time in a relationship
  • Being completely uncertain if your feelings count as romantic attraction

These somewhat overlap with cupioromantic, lithromantic, demiromantic and WTFromantic. So it might make sense to consider "grey" as a modifier of orientation.
 

 

On 07/09/2016 at 6:31 AM, LunarSeas said:

I feel like I fall in the grey area too, but I id as frayromantic (attraction that fades once in a relationship). 

 

I can even feel rather strong attraction, but I'm still not alloromantic. No matter how hard I've crushed on anyone, as soon as I was locked into that relationship, I felt buried.

That does almost sound like repulsion.

 

On 07/09/2016 at 6:31 AM, LunarSeas said:

And for the most part, I'm not romance repulsed, or even against physical affection. But I can't ride that relationship escalator. It feels wrong. So I'm probably more grey romantic than anything.

I wonder if there can be different levels of romantic repulsion. Depending on if it is theoretical/fictional, third party or first party. e.g. I find romantic sub plots in novels and movies to be mostly annoying non sequiturs rather than "repulsive". In the case of physical affection I see this as being sexual and sensual. Whilst feeling annoyance and frustration that it's romantic coding.
I find even the concept of the relationship escalator to be quite wrong and alien. I have zero interest in monogamy, being in a couple or nesting behaviour. On the other hand I do want emotional closeness along with sensual and sexual partners.

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Sorting through all this is a chore, haha. 

 

I suppose there is a certain level of repulsion. But I don't mind romantic stories, and even live with a certain amount of romantic thoughts fine, but only in theory, I guess. Because once it's real, I basically freeze. 

 

And I prefer physical affection to not be romantically coded too. Perhaps passion as well. It's possible that I feel more passion than romance. 

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On 9/8/2016 at 7:13 AM, Mark said:

These somewhat overlap with cupioromantic, lithromantic, demiromantic and WTFromantic. So it might make sense to consider "grey" as a modifier of orientation

 

Grey-romantic includes lithromanticism, wtfromanticism, etc. Those are more specific labels underneath the grey-romantic umbrella. But then grey-romantic can mean, just generally, experiencing less (or very little) romantic attraction than the average person. As far as I know, there's no word for that. Frankly, I'm not sure we need one.

 

As for recipromanticism, I think that's fairly common. A lot of people feel a boost in romantic attraction when they realize someone else feels that way about them. However, if you never experience crushes at all without the reciprocation, I suppose you would be grey-romantic. It's conditional, and if you never are made aware of people crushing on you, you would essentially be aromantic.

 

Does that also mean you are oblivious to flirting?

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generally grey isn't easy to define tbh. it's a word that covers a lot of different experiences, i would say it describes anyone who isn't quite romantic but isn't quite aro. and tbh whether a person calss them aro, grey, or romantic, is their choice... anyone romantic could probably find reason to call themselves grey and anyone aro could do the same. and anyone grey could probably either find reason to call themselves romantic, or aromantic, depending. but just a person who calls themselves grey, it just fits better by their judgement. 

 

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I see grey as "neither aro or romo". Take the aro flag: using the ace flag as the rule, white is aro, and black is romo, so grey is in between (and includes demi but also does not). So like this:

55 minutes ago, cute kitty Meow! Mewo! said:

I call myself demi instead of grey, but that is because of the way in which i am grey.

Demi is a specific kind of in between.

 

Of course, anyone can define the grey area differently depending on how they see it and want to identify as.

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On 9/10/2016 at 11:58 PM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

 

Grey-romantic includes lithromanticism, wtfromanticism, etc. Those are more specific labels underneath the grey-romantic umbrella. But then grey-romantic can mean, just generally, experiencing less (or very little) romantic attraction than the average person. As far as I know, there's no word for that. Frankly, I'm not sure we need one.

 

As for recipromanticism, I think that's fairly common. A lot of people feel a boost in romantic attraction when they realize someone else feels that way about them. However, if you never experience crushes at all without the reciprocation, I suppose you would be grey-romantic. It's conditional, and if you never are made aware of people crushing on you, you would essentially be aromantic.

 

Does that also mean you are oblivious to flirting?

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it's a common thing. For myself the reason I don't really consider it grey is because I still have kinda a desire for romantic relationship. Just not strongly. (And not all romantics need a relationship to be happy with life, so that feels normal to me.)

I don't know if I'd recognize flirting or not. I do know that the couple crushes I have had have been based on thinking that if someone of the opposite gender treated me as more than a passive friend, then they must "like me like me", or whatever. Something I no longer assume, bc I know now that that's dumb.

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