HelloThere Posted May 6, 2023 Share Posted May 6, 2023 So I’m in a little dilemma. I’m 15, I don’t know if I experience romantic attraction at all and I kinda don’t want to. But I just want to check in some way by asking some random friend of mine if they wanna go on a date. I mean yes, I’d tell them my concerns because you know, it’s kinda manipulative if you don’t but that’s still be awkward to explain and either way I’d feel guilty. So should I just keep that idea in my pocket or throw it out entirely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aro Archer Author Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 I think it’s fine as long as they understand that you’re experimenting. If it’s something you think would be helpful for you, I’d say go for it. If they aren’t comfortable with it, they can turn you down, and there’s no reason to feel guilty as long as there’s informed consent on all sides. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jot-Aro Kujo Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 That's not really how romantic attraction works at all. It's not something you can just spontaneously force, especially not with someone picked at random. If it happens, it happens, but there's no point in "checking"- It doesn't ultimately matter that much anyway. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apex Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 Yeah, picking someone at random won't help. If you aren't already interested in this person then going on a date isn't going to help you "test" whether or not you feel attraction. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted May 7, 2023 Author Share Posted May 7, 2023 39 minutes ago, Apex said: Yeah, picking someone at random won't help. If you aren't already interested in this person then going on a date isn't going to help you "test" whether or not you feel attraction. Yeah, I guess that you can’t really date if you don’t actually want to date. I guess I’m mentally forcing myself to consider it because after all “YoU cAn’T bE sUrE uNtIl YoU dAtE!1!!1” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 I wouldn't force anything if I were you. If you have someone you feel you might want to go on a date with then absolutely try it. Or if you want to try going on a date just for the experience then you can do that, but don't expect to get any romantic attraction from it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted May 7, 2023 Author Share Posted May 7, 2023 5 hours ago, Holmbo said: I wouldn't force anything if I were you. If you have someone you feel you might want to go on a date with then absolutely try it. Or if you want to try going on a date just for the experience then you can do that, but don't expect to get any romantic attraction from it. Yeah I know, I’m kinda split on the subject because every time I think I’d go on a date with that person I realize that I really just want a friend. It’s been a bit of a mental block trying to figure out if I should or shouldn’t date just to see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nix Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 1 hour ago, HelloThere said: It’s been a bit of a mental block trying to figure out if I should or shouldn’t date just to see. I’ve been there, it’s not a great feeling. One time several years ago when I met someone who was very actively flirting with me (so obvious that even I realised it) I thought ‘maybe I should try to date this guy, he seems nice and people tell me that sometimes attraction takes time’. Well I can assure you that is nonsense. Like @Jot-Aro Kujo said, you can’t force romantic attraction. And I really hurt this guys feelings, so it was overal an awful idea… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted May 7, 2023 Author Share Posted May 7, 2023 1 minute ago, Nix said: I’ve been there, it’s not a great feeling. One time several years ago when I met someone who was very actively flirting with me (so obvious that even I realised it) I thought ‘maybe I should try to date this guy, he seems nice and people tell me that sometimes attraction takes time’. Well I can assure you that is nonsense. Like @Jot-Aro Kujo said, you can’t force romantic attraction. And I really hurt this guys feelings, so it was overal an awful idea… Yeah, my biggest fear isn’t that I won’t feel anything and it’ll just fail. It’s that I’ll make that person feel really bad and then there’s not even a chance of being friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeGens Posted May 7, 2023 Share Posted May 7, 2023 I feel like the best way to know if you can feel romantic attraction is to meet a lot of people. Forcing yourself to try and date people might not be the best approach, but if you try to talk to different people you might find someone that can maybe interest you if it turns out that you can feel romantic attraction. Plus, if you do not end up liking the people you meet in a romantic way, you get new friends and acquaintance! But I'm not sure about this, it's only an idea. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmbo Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 7 hours ago, LeGens said: I feel like the best way to know if you can feel romantic attraction is to meet a lot of people. Forcing yourself to try and date people might not be the best approach, but if you try to talk to different people you might find someone that can maybe interest you if it turns out that you can feel romantic attraction. Plus, if you do not end up liking the people you meet in a romantic way, you get new friends and acquaintance! But I'm not sure about this, it's only an idea. Good advice. The date itself does nothing to romantic attraction, you can feel that at any time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted May 8, 2023 Share Posted May 8, 2023 On 5/7/2023 at 3:51 PM, HelloThere said: Yeah, I guess that you can’t really date if you don’t actually want to date. I guess I’m mentally forcing myself to consider it because after all “YoU cAn’T bE sUrE uNtIl YoU dAtE!1!!1” You can be sure even if you don't date. I never date and I am sure. Remember that alloromantics go on dates because they are romantically attracted, and not to become romantically attracted. It is attraction, then date, not the other way around (except if they do things like blind dates or spoed datings, but that's not the typical case). So if you never feel romantic attraction, it is a big sign that you are on the aro spectrum and dating will not change that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted May 8, 2023 Author Share Posted May 8, 2023 22 minutes ago, nonmerci said: You can be sure even if you don't date. I never date and I am sure. Remember that alloromantics go on dates because they are romantically attracted, and not to become romantically attracted. It is attraction, then date, not the other way around (except if they do things like blind dates or spoed datings, but that's not the typical case). So if you never feel romantic attraction, it is a big sign that you are on the aro spectrum and dating will not change that. I honestly can’t believe that I didn’t realize that until recently. XD I know I’m young but that wasn’t something I ever knew, by the way people had been asking others on dates I thought that 90% of it was literally based on looks or randomness. Dang I’m much more aro than I thought. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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