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Aro Archer Author

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  1. The situation resolved pretty quickly but I forgot I started this thread so here’s an update a month late! I wore my aro pin to school. She asked about it. We had a brief conversation. She has not had a crush in a few years. So she doesn’t have a crush on me. (yay!) So that’s one less thing for me to worry about, at least.
  2. Hello! I have a classmate who is suddenly wanting me as her first choice to partner with for every project (which is weird; we’re not friends and no one ever picks me willingly because all my friends at my school are in a different grade, but it’s not the concerning part). Yesterday, she was talking about our project, and when I pulled down my mask to drink water, she gasped and interrupted herself to tell me that I was “so pretty” and forgot way she’d been talking about before. I am worried that she might have a crush on me, and that she might think I feel the same way because I’m responding positively to her wanting to be partners (she’s nice and all but I’d respond the same way if it were any other classmate, I am just unused to people wanting me in their group). The idea upsets me (I’m romance-averse or repulsed) and the uncertainty and the idea are stressing me out A LOT (I also have anxiety). Does anyone have advice for how to nip any expectations in the bud and/or cope with the repulsion (since I obviously can’t control her feelings)?
  3. Tell them that it’s making you uncomfortable. If you don’t feel safe expressing your boundaries to them, then it’s a sign that it’s not a healthy relationship, and if they keep crossing your boundaries after you’ve told them to stop, they aren’t good friends. Hopefully they’ll be cool about it and respect your boundaries going forwards, but if they keep making you uncomfortable, it’s okay to take some space away from them, or say something like “I can’t hang out with you if you keep making those jokes.”
  4. I think it’s fine as long as they understand that you’re experimenting. If it’s something you think would be helpful for you, I’d say go for it. If they aren’t comfortable with it, they can turn you down, and there’s no reason to feel guilty as long as there’s informed consent on all sides.
  5. I’m sixteen and have identified as aroace for two years (and would have known earlier, I think, if I knew it was a thing I could be). You’re not too young, and it sounds like you’re probably also some degree of romance-averse if the idea of dating sounds horrible to you, which, while not exclusive to aros, is a pretty common aro experience. If you being aro makes sense to you, you’re probably aro. If most of your peers are old enough to be getting crushes, you’re old enough to be aro.
  6. I think physical attraction is sometimes used as an umbrella that more specific things like sexual, sensual, and aesthetic attractions. There also aren’t always distinct lines between types of attraction for everyone, so what you’re experiencing might not necessarily fit neatly into one box or another, or could be a combination.
  7. Yes. If you’ve never had a crush, you could definitely be aro. You can understand things you don’t personally experience.
  8. There are a shocking number of other aros out there and you will find them- you already HAVE found some of them, you just don’t know it yet. You are not alone. If you dig through the internet enough, aromantic characters do exist, and don’t be afraid to create your own. You are allowed to be. That thing you have about not liking a lot of/any romance in the books you read? That’s romance repulsion. Listen to it. Turn off the radio, put down the book- you’re allowed to do that. Make aro puns. It’s fun.
  9. YMBAI when you were eight, everyone was having crushes, so you thought you also must and went with your two best friends. (Bonus points if this lead to concluding you were bi for the next six years.) YMBAI you thought you had a crush and then he cut his hair and you tried desperately to convince yourself you still had a crush on him because surely you weren’t only attracted to how he looked with that haircut and then eventually decided that wasn’t a “real crush” anyway. (Hello there, aesthetic attraction.) YMBAI you and your friends were discussing your orientations, you said you weren’t sure because you hadn’t had a “real crush” since third grade, your friend said something along the lines of “have we an aro among us?” and you just sort of laughed and brushed it off because you didn’t know what it meant. YMBAI you wrote in your diary as an eight-year-old “I 1/2 love [the guy everyone had a crush on]” “I 1/4 love [same guy as with the hair I liked later], 1/4 hate him and 1/2 like him” etc.
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