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Did finding out about aromanticism change what relationships you wanted to live in?


roboticanary
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In my case before i knew being aro was a thing i was pretty comfortable living single and that is still my preferred option now. But i did notice i had a whole world of options of how to live open up to me which i didn't really see as a real option before discovering aromanticism.

So i was wondering if that changed how people want to live, like maybe you were set on a fairly traditional romantic partnership as what you thought you would have but changed course when you found out about more variety in non romantic relationships, e.g. QPR's. Or maybe you thought you would live alone but were lead to the idea that some form of polyamory might fit you better which didn't seem on the cards before.

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  • roboticanary changed the title to Did finding out about aromanticism change what relationships you wanted to live in?

Not really, before I realised I was aro I figured ‘well, I guess SOMEDAY I will find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with 🤔’ all the while living single happily and freaking out whenever I went on trips with friends and had to share the same space as them 24/7… Finding out about aromanticism and realising that this ‘mythical special someone’ was not mandatory was quite a shock. As was realising that traveling is something you can totally do by yourself.

So I guess I realised I was already happy living by myself.

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As a child, I wanted a more traditional marriage. A small part of me still wants that, but I would nowadays prefer a "FWB" (don't like that term) style of relationship, a kind of relationship that I so elegantly call fuck buddies

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I always thought that I would find someone eventually and I would date, marriage and etc... I was thinking that but I never was comfortable with this idea. I was forcing it. So when I learned the term aromantic and then I come out as being one I was happy I don't have to force myself into relationships anymore. This is just who I am.

So I prefer to stay single. But I often read about queerplatonic relationships and I'm considering being in one someday.

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I suppose I did think about this before realizing I was aro. But knowing that I never want to live with a partner has made me interested to seek out other people to cohabit with.

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I suppose so yes.

Before I imagined I would have a husband, not that I really wanted one I guess, but all I saw was people wanted to be in relationships so it was all I could think about.

Then knowing about aromabticism showed me people could wish for different things, and then I realize that what I want is either be single or be with family members. 

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well sure, as a kid i guess i figured i'd date and get married.  i'd say learning about aromanticism made me realize i didn't experience romantic attraction (though i didn't quite accept it then), and being in a romantic relationship (not long after) made me realize i didn't want that.  and i began to see that i could be single forever and still have close relationships in the form of friendships, and still have sex.  it was kind of several separate-but-interconnected, gradual realizations.

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No, not really but I did found better ways to describe it. I didn't think much about romance and stuff before either (more now though I think) and have always been neutral to marriage, except the more obvious romantic parts of it that I was -and still am- more sceptical towards. 

I have now get to know that most romantic people do not like the feeling of just living with their best friend, which is pretty much the best thing I can see happening in that domain. Younger me just didn't know that wasn't the norm. 

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nah i just want to be friends and aromanticism does the job because i can focus on befriending folks more than crushing on people i may never be in a romantic relationship with

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Not really. I felt unsure then & I still feel unsure now. XD I guess if I happened to meet the right sort of person, who wanted the right things, & was the right age, then I got to know them as a close friend for a long time, & they weren't going to get in the way of the things that I actually want from life... IDK.

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Well... I never wanted a romantic relationship, in my case though I believed it was my fate to want and pursue one eventually. I told myself I wasn’t pursuing one because I was a "late bloomer", or I didn’t unlock the romance achievement yet. I started getting older, and older, and then it hit me when I was around 18 or 19. I had no romo interests... All the movies portray high schoolers feeling a very strong drive towards “Love” during senior year, so why wasn’t I?

 

The idea of feeling a crush or having a romantic interest was actually frightening to me before knowing I couldn’t feel those romo things. I thought that at any time, without my consent, without any warning, a romantic crush feeling would hit me. When I watched a movie, seeing someone down the street, talking to a woman in my class (I’m male btw)  the romance demon would eventually possess me with romantic desires. If I felt aesthetic attraction towards a woman I would think it was the beginning of romantic attraction and get worried. I should have known at that point that I was repulsed by romance, or at least not interested but I was still just a “late bloomer” in my mind. 

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