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Romantic relationships percieved as a marker of maturity


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Hey all. Just a bit of a ramble and inquiry into if anyone else has felt this. But basically I'm at the life stage where all my friends are getting serious long term partners to move in with or married to.

Obviously I'm aro and have no interest in this and very happily live with my Mom who I have a wonderful relationship with. We keep each other company plus I couldn't afford to live by myself anyways. I'm quite happy to love with her as long as she's on this earth.

But it seems to me that alloromantics see this as a sign of immaturity or arrested development, whether subconsciously or not. As if wishing to have different living arrangements and having no interest in domestic partnership means you can never take that final step into true adulthood. It's very alienating being the only person in my life who sees things this way, and I can tell my friends don't really understand the concept of truly being content without any type of partner. Or they just seem to pity me which might actually be worse. Smh.

Anyways wonder if anyone else can relate or has feelings around aro adults not getting taken seriously. Thanks 💚🏹

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Yup, this is definitely a common perception unfortunately. In general society and in many different settings. I work in mental healthcare and marriage/partnerships are often considered signs of proper functioning. And if you're an adult who has a never had a romantic relationship, then yeah, this might indeed be seen as a sign of arrested development or immaturity. 

Luckily people in my inner circle don't view it that way, but I do have family members who don't take me as seriously because I'm still unmarried and without children. It can be frustrating for sure, but I also don't need to prove myself to them. 

I do sometimes feel it myself that I'm not a "real" adult when I really think about how my friends are getting married, starting to think about children, and looking into buying homes. It's annoying, but then I remind myself that these are arbitrary markers of adulthood and maturity. There are many other ways to be mature. 

At the end of the day, you can decide your life, and I think that's a pretty grown-up thing to do. It's great that you can live with your mom and are happy with it :) It's sad that living with parents after a certain age is viewed as immature (in certain cultures). If you have a good relationship with them, then why not?

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Same feeling.

Its also frustrating that Those milestones seem to count for maturity even when it seems clear that they aren't working or that patience would be a better idea. So so many people seem to rush for these milestones because thats just what you do.

I certainly know people who got into some bad relationships, who tried to set up a family when it just wasn't working and I had to sit around while people I know cheer and applaud. You can't be the grumpy guy in the corner when that happens.

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On 7/13/2021 at 2:34 PM, Erederyn said:

In general society and in many different settings. I work in mental healthcare and marriage/partnerships are often considered signs of proper functioning. And if you're an adult who has a never had a romantic relationship, then yeah, this might indeed be seen as a sign of arrested development or immaturity.

I wonder if there might be something within mental health training which bolsters faith in amantonormativity.

Considering some the behaviour of allos, when, in romantic relationships it might more sense to see them as a sign of immaturity.

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1 hour ago, Mark said:

I wonder if there might be something within mental health training which bolsters faith in amantonormativity.

Considering some the behaviour of allos, when, in romantic relationships it might more sense to see them as a sign of immaturity.

Yeah, mental health care isn't immune to the influence of larger society structures, so I'd definitely say that amatonormativity is incorporated into it. Diagnostics and what is considered "normal" behavior is also largely socially constructed. So with normative idea is that engaging in romance is normal and the idea that being able to love is a sign of humanity and "normal" emotional functioning, then you get this kind of perception in mental health care. There is a whole personality disorder with criteria of having little interest in close relationships and sex. 

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I heard a woman on a radio program say "If you don't have a child:  you are one."  So to her, anyone who happens to be infertle, both living Popes & the Dalai Lama are still children. :stopapo:

My dad was married 3 times, but he sat me down & said he was worried about me not wanting to go on dates like the other teenagers. 🙄

Edited by 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess
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I think most people would jump to: oh, they’re too lazy to care for themselves. If your mom’s just your roommate, that’s awesome!! I think when moms are still doing your laundry and buying your food etc. it can seem like a sign of immaturity. 

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