Attractions Prioritised in Advocacy: Ace vs. Aro

[Scoop]

I recently saw someone saying that so much of asexual advocacy is "we still feel romantic attraction" and so much of aromantic advocacy is "we still feel sexual attraction". Their point overall was that aspec advocacy needs to talk more about other types of attraction, but that's beside my point.

As an alloaro, I personally feel that us saying we can still feel sexual attraction isn’t the same as aces saying we can still feel romantic attraction. This is a feeling and not something I can put into a real argument. I would say that in terms of aros there are less alloaros and in terms of aces there are more alloaces so it's unlikely they're coming from the same place. Except it's the same statement in the end, isn’t it? Are the results possibly the same too? I don't think so. I doubt anyone is going to start assuming all aros feel sexual attraction anytime soon, if ever. If anything my real question is where lmao. Where can I find this space where aros are talking significantly about sexual attraction? Bc I want in haha

Anyway I was curious what others thought of the comparison and equivalence. Is it accurate? Is it something aros should be concerned about? Do you know of any decent alloaro spaces? ?

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Lmao where are they hearing sexual attraction prioritized in aro advocacy? I mean, unless you count "allo aros begging to be accepted within their own community" as advocacy... I've been involved in aro advocacy for several years now and never encountered people trying to use allo aros as a bargaining chip with alloros. If anything, when it comes to discussions within the wider queer community, I see us used as an argument as to why aspecs shouldn't be allowed into the community- That "Chad the Fratboy" could easily pretend to be allo aro to get access to the queer community (as if straight guys want anything to do with it, lmao).

[roboticanary]

On 5/26/2021 at 2:17 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I've been involved in aro advocacy for several years now and never encountered people trying to use allo aros as a bargaining chip with alloros

This sound right, I haven't been involved anywhere near as long but have already got the feeling that this is the case. I've never heard anyone argue that at least aros can still have sex and I have no idea why someone would try that. Sex outside of romance is not looked on favourably if you want to be taken seriously as a group.

[Rook on the Hook]

Ditto on what Jot-Aro Kujo and roboticanary said. I've never seen allosexuality being treated as a redeeming factor for aroallos. I think people definitely see it as the defining characteristic of aroallos' orientations, as aromanticism and asexuality are so often seen as neutral non-entities that are superseded by whatever attraction we can or do feel, but "Aroallos still have sexual orientations!" is in no way equivalent to "Aceallos are okay because they can still feel romantic love!" especially given how much more often I see aroallos being demonized for merely being aroallo (even within the aromantic community!) than being seen as their sexual orientation superseding their romantic orientation. Not to mention that so often aceallos are put on this pedestal of having this pure, soft form of romantic love that comes with no ulterior motives.

All that said, that's exactly why I agree with you on aroallos saying they experience sexual attraction isn't equivalent to aceallos saying they can experience romantic attraction. Not only do I think you're right in there being more aceallos than aroallos, but the way talking about the attraction one does feel gets such INCREDIBLY different reactions. One is often (if not always) idolized while the other is seen as being immoral or being a player who doesn't give a single damn about other people.

[Ettina]

Most of the aro advocacy I see treats aroaces as the default aros. Mostly because a lot of it is borne out of aroaces feeling alienated by allo-ace centric ace communities.

[nonmerci]

From an a e perspective, I don't think people saying aro can feel sexual attraction is a problem at all, and I surely don't feel alienated cause of that. In fact, I think this is something we should talk about more, because usually, allo aros are the ones who feel alienated in the community. I mean, even I am pissed to see that everytime I searched for aro content, I automatically find also ace content as if it was the same thing. If Iam pissee by that, I can't imagine bow allo aros feel.

 

Also I think the way these phrases are used are different. "We can still fall in love" has history of beong used as "see, we are not weird, we are still able to deel that wonderful feeling that makes us humans". Maybe all people didn't use it like that, and that it os less used this way, but it still has tu is connotation for a lot of people. Also it has been used in a way that shows no consideration for aro people in a case like militating for ace representation in Riverdale, with aces saying how Jughead can still be ace and in love wIth Betty, ignoring that the fact that a lot of aros consider Jughead to be aro as well and were equally hurt to see he wasn't represented that way... So even if the phrase should not be harmful because it important to explain that aces are not necessary aros, the way it was used made it negatively seen by a lot of aros.

On the contrary, I never saw allo aros using "We can still feel sexual attraction" to mean "look we are still humans". Which makes this perfectly acceptable for me. I never felt alienated by it as an ace and, I said before, I even thinkèit does good to our community, because it helps to separate it from the ace community so aro can be seen as its own thing.

 

So yes, they are kinda the same sentence, but at the same time, they are not at all the same sentence.

 

[SquishyWing]

I’m an aegoromantic allosexual, and I have noticed that fact that aroace is considered the general way of being, yet I almost certainly don’t fall into it. It’s honestly kinda annoying, but it doesn’t bother me too much tbh. The fact that I don’t feel romantic attraction, but do feel sexual attraction (just don’t currently want to seek anything atm) just makes me feel different, but I’ve come to be used to it.