Aro/ace ring fears

[Aroacerabbit]

Recently I’ve really wanted to get an ace ring. I’ve seen some creators I follow wear/talk about them and I’ve really been wanting to get one. However, I still live with and am financially dependent on my parents who I am not out to. I would need to ask my mom before purchasing something. I found a black spinner-ring that I think would be cool because I’ve been trying to find a quiet, discreet fidget to help me stop picking at my nails, but I’m really afraid to ask for it. My mom is pretty accepting of LGBTQ+ people and is pretty into LGBTQ+ culture, however she seems to be slightly aphobic. The main think that worries me is the fact that I would need to ask for help measuring and ordering a ring size to ideally fit my middle finger, which I’m afraid would make her suspicious because it’s not a common finger to buy a ring for. She already suspects I’m gay (I’m not) so I’m worried if I ask for a black ring for my middle finger, she’ll google it to see if it means anything and see what comes up. Any suggestions?!

[Rony]

You can tell to her that you want to buy it to stop picking nails and it'll help you. I don't think she'd search for meaning of wearing a ring on middle finger. In December I've bought an Atlantis ring, I'm wearing it frequently and literally no one asked about it.

[macattacthesnac]

I think Rony's right, middle finger is not the baseline but also not entirely out of the ordinary. If she knows about you picking your nails that might be all you need, and it being black can just be your preference. 

Either way, just do what makes you comfortable and lets you feel proud of your identity!

[roboticanary]

I suspect the other two answers are right. 

If you want to you could suggest that you prefer having a fidget for your middle finger in particular. If you are really uncomfortable frame it as a matter of preference for where you want the fidget rather than because it is that finger.

As for the colour, its a fidget. again you can claim preference especially if a lot of the other options look gaudy or tacky.

[Aroacerabbit]

Hi! Thanks all for your suggestions! After a few days of being scared avoiding it, I brought up the topic and she was all for it. I said that I fidget more with my middle finger and the black goes better with more stuff. She ordered it and I’m relieved but still a little nervous she’ll look into it, I doubt it though. Thank you so much for encouraging me!

[Guest Guest]

Hope it goes well and is empowering to you, whether or not anyone else is aware of its meaning! ? 

[Apathetic Echidna]

It is cool that it is also a fidget! I would love to see what it looks like. My ring is plain and boring, though seemingly scratch proof/indestructible.

I'm sure as long as you do fidget with it she won't question it further. 

[roboticanary]

Lovely, hope you enjoy wearing it

[Aroacerabbit]

Hi everyone! I just felt the need to say that my ring came in today (after having to order a new one due to sizing) and it now fits! I have been smiling all day and it feels AMAZING to have a little bit of my identity that others might understand, or might not. It’s almost like I’m a spy and I love it. It is so validating and I’m so happy and thankful for your encouragement! <3

[eatingcroutons]

On 2/19/2021 at 2:30 PM, Aroacerabbit said:

Hi everyone! I just felt the need to say that my ring came in today (after having to order a new one due to sizing) and it now fits! I have been smiling all day and it feels AMAZING to have a little bit of my identity that others might understand, or might not. It’s almost like I’m a spy and I love it. It is so validating and I’m so happy and thankful for your encouragement! <3

Legend! I'm so happy for you!