Aro/ace ring fears

[Aroacerabbit]

Recently I’ve really wanted to get an ace ring. I’ve seen some creators I follow wear/talk about them and I’ve really been wanting to get one. However, I still live with and am financially dependent on my parents who I am not out to. I would need to ask my mom before purchasing something. I found a black spinner-ring that I think would be cool because I’ve been trying to find a quiet, discreet fidget to help me stop picking at my nails, but I’m really afraid to ask for it. My mom is pretty accepting of LGBTQ+ people and is pretty into LGBTQ+ culture, however she seems to be slightly aphobic. The main think that worries me is the fact that I would need to ask for help measuring and ordering a ring size to ideally fit my middle finger, which I’m afraid would make her suspicious because it’s not a common finger to buy a ring for. She already suspects I’m gay (I’m not) so I’m worried if I ask for a black ring for my middle finger, she’ll google it to see if it means anything and see what comes up. Any suggestions?!

[Nagito]

You can tell to her that you want to buy it to stop picking nails and it'll help you. I don't think she'd search for meaning of wearing a ring on middle finger. In December I've bought an Atlantis ring, I'm wearing it frequently and literally no one asked about it.

[macattacthesnac]

I think Rony's right, middle finger is not the baseline but also not entirely out of the ordinary. If she knows about you picking your nails that might be all you need, and it being black can just be your preference. 

Either way, just do what makes you comfortable and lets you feel proud of your identity!

[roboticanary]

I suspect the other two answers are right. 

If you want to you could suggest that you prefer having a fidget for your middle finger in particular. If you are really uncomfortable frame it as a matter of preference for where you want the fidget rather than because it is that finger.

As for the colour, its a fidget. again you can claim preference especially if a lot of the other options look gaudy or tacky.

[Aroacerabbit]

Hi! Thanks all for your suggestions! After a few days of being scared avoiding it, I brought up the topic and she was all for it. I said that I fidget more with my middle finger and the black goes better with more stuff. She ordered it and I’m relieved but still a little nervous she’ll look into it, I doubt it though. Thank you so much for encouraging me!

[Guest Guest]

Hope it goes well and is empowering to you, whether or not anyone else is aware of its meaning! ? 

[Apathetic Echidna]

It is cool that it is also a fidget! I would love to see what it looks like. My ring is plain and boring, though seemingly scratch proof/indestructible.

I'm sure as long as you do fidget with it she won't question it further. 

[roboticanary]

Lovely, hope you enjoy wearing it

[Aroacerabbit]

Hi everyone! I just felt the need to say that my ring came in today (after having to order a new one due to sizing) and it now fits! I have been smiling all day and it feels AMAZING to have a little bit of my identity that others might understand, or might not. It’s almost like I’m a spy and I love it. It is so validating and I’m so happy and thankful for your encouragement! <3

[eatingcroutons]

On 2/19/2021 at 2:30 PM, Aroacerabbit said:

Hi everyone! I just felt the need to say that my ring came in today (after having to order a new one due to sizing) and it now fits! I have been smiling all day and it feels AMAZING to have a little bit of my identity that others might understand, or might not. It’s almost like I’m a spy and I love it. It is so validating and I’m so happy and thankful for your encouragement! <3

Legend! I'm so happy for you!

[Aroacerabbit]

Two years later! Lol (not sure if anyone will see this) but I still wear my ring every day! It’s one of my favorite things and I treasure it! My oldest friend actually saw me wearing it and, in her own words, “sat next to me in French class for 6 months wondering if it actually meant I was ace or not”. Turns out, she’s aroace too! We came out to each other on the same day and it’s been AMAZING. I credit all of you here for helping me through my fears and I’m so glad I found this website (and rediscovered it just now!)

[HelloThere]

On 4/4/2023 at 11:03 PM, Aroacerabbit said:

Two years later! Lol (not sure if anyone will see this) but I still wear my ring every day! It’s one of my favorite things and I treasure it! My oldest friend actually saw me wearing it and, in her own words, “sat next to me in French class for 6 months wondering if it actually meant I was ace or not”. Turns out, she’s aroace too! We came out to each other on the same day and it’s been AMAZING. I credit all of you here for helping me through my fears and I’m so glad I found this website (and rediscovered it just now!)

That’s awesome! I’m glad to see it worked out pretty well! I’d love to get a white aro ring myself just because it feels right ya know? I mean I’d wait a year or two because I’m not really sure enough if I’m aro but I’d do it when I got the confidence, and finance. :D

[scarysadflan]

On 4/4/2023 at 11:03 PM, Aroacerabbit said:

Two years later! Lol (not sure if anyone will see this) but I still wear my ring every day! It’s one of my favorite things and I treasure it! My oldest friend actually saw me wearing it and, in her own words, “sat next to me in French class for 6 months wondering if it actually meant I was ace or not”. Turns out, she’s aroace too! We came out to each other on the same day and it’s been AMAZING. I credit all of you here for helping me through my fears and I’m so glad I found this website (and rediscovered it just now!)

That's great! I wear my aro and ace rings all the time, and I wore them one night to a local LGBTQIA+ game night.  One of the other members was ace as well and asked about my rings.  We (and another person who is demisexual) started talking afterwards.  I don't have many people I can talk to about it, so it felt really good to finally have people I can talk to.  I like that my rings can open up that conversation with other people. 🙂

[HelloThere]

On 5/7/2023 at 9:39 PM, scarysadflan said:

That's great! I wear my aro and ace rings all the time, and I wore them one night to a local LGBTQIA+ game night.  One of the other members was ace as well and asked about my rings.  We (and another person who is demisexual) started talking afterwards.  I don't have many people I can talk to about it, so it felt really good to finally have people I can talk to.  I like that my rings can open up that conversation with other people. 🙂

I’d love to get them when I have the ability. I’m pretty sure I’m aegosexual (under the umbrella of ace) and I might be aromantic, things lined up pretty well and it feels right. I just don’t want to date and I’ve never felt romantic attraction. But yeah, if I had the ability to I’d wear those rings with pride! :D

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

This is the same fear I have with wanting to get a white ring for being aro, I'm afraid they would heavily question it or look it up, but I know deep down that my family generally wouldn't question it at all. The only question that probably would be asked is why it's specifically on my middle finger, but it's not like it's completely out of the ordinary for someone to wear a ring on their middle finger(s). I do need to get my left middle finger sized and I could buy a ring-sizer for that (or just sneakily use one in the store and not buy it), but yeah. I've been craving aro symbols for a while because it's a queer identity of mine that I hold in special regard and is a main identity that'll alter the form of my life like my gender; my sexuality is just there at this point lol.

[HelloThere]

1 hour ago, The Newest Fabled Creature said:

This is the same fear I have with wanting to get a white ring for being aro, I'm afraid they would heavily question it or look it up, but I know deep down that my family generally wouldn't question it at all. The only question that probably would be asked is why it's specifically on my middle finger, but it's not like it's completely out of the ordinary for someone to wear a ring on their middle finger(s). I do need to get my left middle finger sized and I could buy a ring-sizer for that (or just sneakily use one in the store and not buy it), but yeah. I've been craving aro symbols for a while because it's a queer identity of mine that I hold in special regard and is a main identity that'll alter the form of my life like my gender; my sexuality is just there at this point lol.

I really would love to get a black and white ring, my parents would be very suspicious of that though, that’s just really weird to randomly wear two rings out of nowhere.