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Everything posted by Aroacerabbit

  1. Hi! I just came out to 2 of my closest friends today. Although I couldn’t get the courage to do it verbally, i was able to do it via text while they were in the room and both their reactions were more than I could ever hope for. It feels so freeing. I just wanted to thank everyone on here for all the help and support for the past year and a half. :)
  2. So I’ve been out to myself as aroace roughly since March 2020 and told one other close friend who’s lesbian. I’ve thought about telling our two other friends as we’re all really close and they were both perfectly fine with her being gay (we also have a suspicion that one friend is questioning). I even came very close to spontaneously telling them recently when we were hanging out. I mentioned that I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush. It went over fairly well with some curiosity, however the discussion ended up turning elsewhere. However, I’m worried about telling them because being aroace is not as common and I’m worried about them not understanding. I’m also worried because the girl who we believe is questioning has been one of my closest friends since I was in elementary school and has seen me “have crushes” on two boys, who I know think I just thought were smart or funny. Basically I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice or tips on how to bring up the topic or what to do? Thanks!! I’m in desperate need.
  3. Hi everyone! I just felt the need to say that my ring came in today (after having to order a new one due to sizing) and it now fits! I have been smiling all day and it feels AMAZING to have a little bit of my identity that others might understand, or might not. It’s almost like I’m a spy and I love it. It is so validating and I’m so happy and thankful for your encouragement! <3
  4. Hi! Thanks all for your suggestions! After a few days of being scared avoiding it, I brought up the topic and she was all for it. I said that I fidget more with my middle finger and the black goes better with more stuff. She ordered it and I’m relieved but still a little nervous she’ll look into it, I doubt it though. Thank you so much for encouraging me!
  5. Hi! From what you’re describing, you could be romantically attracted to her. To answer your question, yes! You can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to someone. For example, someone could be romantically attracted to women but asexual. However, overall it could either be romantic or a strong platonic bond that you both have. It could also be a form of a queer-platonic relationship (QPR). I think, and this might not be the answer you’re looking for, that you could also just have a unique bond that you both have to set the parameters for and decide what you are together. I wish I could help further but feelings are hard so it’s often really hard to tell, especially for people on the outside. I’m also aro/ace so feelings are weird. Lol. Hope this helps at least a little!
  6. Recently I’ve really wanted to get an ace ring. I’ve seen some creators I follow wear/talk about them and I’ve really been wanting to get one. However, I still live with and am financially dependent on my parents who I am not out to. I would need to ask my mom before purchasing something. I found a black spinner-ring that I think would be cool because I’ve been trying to find a quiet, discreet fidget to help me stop picking at my nails, but I’m really afraid to ask for it. My mom is pretty accepting of LGBTQ+ people and is pretty into LGBTQ+ culture, however she seems to be slightly aphobic. The main think that worries me is the fact that I would need to ask for help measuring and ordering a ring size to ideally fit my middle finger, which I’m afraid would make her suspicious because it’s not a common finger to buy a ring for. She already suspects I’m gay (I’m not) so I’m worried if I ask for a black ring for my middle finger, she’ll google it to see if it means anything and see what comes up. Any suggestions?!
  7. Yes! I feel like the initial response for a lot of people, on here or otherwise, when someone relatively young comes on, is them giving some good advice and then saying something along the lines of “just remember, sexuality can always change so don’t be too worried about sticking to a label!” While I, a younger aroace person appreciate the sentiment, I feel like it invalidates the experiences and feelings younger aros have a little. I agree, my sexuality might change as I get older, but people generally don’t say that gay people should “keep an open mind about maybe liking someone of the opposite sex one day” because sexuality is fluid. It seems like that phrasing comes out mostly when talking about younger aro/ace people rather than any other sexuality.
  8. I agree. And it makes me so happy that you relate to some of my earlier posts. I love seeing posts I can relate to! I think that a lot of terms work for the communities they were created for and I think there is always room for improvement and innovation. I do agree that the terms focusing on love can feel disconnected though. I hope we can both become more confident in our identities as the year moves on and continues into 2021!
  9. Waiting to come out makes complete sense and honestly is what I plan on doing as well. I also think when you are comfortable openly reading Loveless it is definitely a great one to read and I highly recommend it. And honestly, I love seeing rant-like posts and I often make them or think them as well. Often they are the easiest and clearest way to understand our emotions. <3
  10. Hi! I seem to be about you’re age and I completely agree and have felt everything you are saying. I think something that has helped me recently to come to terms with it is that people change and it’s ok if you’re identity changes (although I completely feel you when you say you’re worried about being too young, I worry about the same thing which is one of the reasons I’ve only come out to one person so far). One thing that really helps me, and I think about it when I’m doubting myself, is the book Loveless by Alice Oseman. She’s an AMAZING LGBTQ+ author and artist and Loveless has an aroace main character. I related a lot to her and had a lot of similar feelings and it helped me realize I was ace. Whenever I doubt my identity I think about how I felt reading that book and how connected I felt to the character and her experiences. If you’re really worried about slipping up, you could say something like you’re questioning your identity or something along those lines if you needed? For the qpr thing I would say don’t feel like you’re lying to them. You’re going with what you felt good identifying with at the time. If that changes, you’re still the same person, just with a better understanding of who you are. It was really nice to see someone phrase it this way considering it writes out a lot of my thoughts and experiences very clearly. Sorry if this wasn’t the best written out advice but hope it helped! Just remember everyone in this community loves you and you have lots of friends/allies <3
  11. Aroacerabbit


    I’ve become slightly more comfortable with my aroace identity over the past few months, however I recently started thinking about the idea of coming out after my friend came out slightly more publicly. She is also the only person I am currently out to. I am not thinking of coming out any time soon as I am still slightly too in denial however as I was thinking out the possibility of coming out I realized I have never actually said out loud “I’m aroace” or “I’m aromantic and asexual”. I am perfectly fine with typing it out but saying it is a whole other level. I feel like if I were to actually say it out loud, it would make it all feel a lot more real than it feels right now and I’m honestly afraid of that. I’ve allowed myself a certain level of acceptance but I think I’m afraid of putting it out into the universe and listening to myself say it out loud with my own voice. I think it would make it feel a lot more real than I’ve allowed it to and I think I’m afraid that it will force me to finally acknowledge my difference from societal norms. I’m just wondering if anyone else has struggled with that fear of saying their identity out loud and is so what they did. Any advice would be much appreciated!
  12. Hi! I can honestly say that I go through the same thought process and dilemma that it seems you are going through. Although I am still in my teens, I often go back and forth between thinking I want a long-term relationship, like those that alloromantic people have, however, the other time I think about how I might not actually want that, but just think I do because of the normativity or relationships. I think it’s hard for me because I hadn’t really thought about it until I realized I was aro and now it’s more difficult but I dont think I necessarily want to live alone, so whether that be a really good platonic friend, or a longer term QPR or something I don’t know. And of course, my ideas can change over time!
  13. Aroacerabbit

    Can't relate

    Hi! Although I cannot speak for you or know exactly how you feel, I do know that I feel similarly to how you are describing. However, I do enjoy romance stories, I ship many fictional characters together, but the think that I think made me interested, was that you said you don’t think you’ve had a crush since you were 9 and that you don’t really think about romance a lot. Although I do not know all of your emotions or your age, I know that, from talking to an alloromantic (non-aromantic) friend, most people have crushes many times after age 9 before their current age. Also, many people who feel romantic attraction think about it a lot from what I understand. In fact, the lack of crush and not thinking about it actually was what helped me come to terms and realize I was aro. Hope this helps!
  14. So I know that in the US today is National Coming Out Day and I’ve seen a ton of posts about “Love is Love” and “No love is wrong”. And don’t get me wrong, I completely agree and think that it’s all amazing, but am I the only one that gets kind of upset because everyone associates the LGBTQ+ community with “letting people love whoever they want”? I feel like everyone just thinks that it’s all about letting people marry and love when there’s also all of the aro, ace, enby, and trans communities who’s LGBTQ-ness is not about who they love. So is it just me?
  15. So today I was texting one of my friends about how something was making me sad (a romance song because I’m aroace) and I was saying that it hit weirdly for me because it made me want that because I can’t feel it. She’s the only person I’m out to so I love and trust her very much. She’s also gay. However, every now and then she says “you don’t know for sure! You might meet someone someday!” And I know she’s trying to help and make me feel better but it makes me feel like I’m faking and doubt myself even more. It almost feels like it could compare to when people say to a lesbian, “who knows! You might find a guy you’ll love someday!” I don’t know if I’m the only one that feels this way? Anyone else? Also, I want to bring it up but don’t know how because I really don’t want to offend her because I love being able to talk to her because she’s also LGBTQ+ and the only one I’m out to. Any ideas? Thanks!
  16. Thank you! And I’m glad I could help! Lol. Haha. That image of me as Sue in my brain is hysterical. And I agree, I have had that kind of dream/imagined that scenario and strangely, the significant other never showed up! Maybe they just had a super busy work schedule?🤷🏼‍♀️🤔
  17. I feel like I've asked a lot of questions recently but here we go. Looking back at when I was younger, even a few years ago, whenever I pictured and dreamed about getting married, there were certain things I always imagined. What my dress would look like, what the food and cake would be, and even the decorations. The one thing I could never picture was who would stand at the altar with me. Whenever I imagined that part of the wedding, it was supper blurred (like pixelated to the point you cannot tell anything about them. Gender, hair, clothes, etc) or just nothing there. I didn’t know that wasn’t normal until my friend was talking about her dream wedding and how when she dreamed about it, there was a woman standing there with a dress and stuff! I was shocked, but looking back, it makes a lot of sense. Lol. Has anyone else had something like this where they imagine their wedding but never who they’re marrying? Or is it just me?
  18. Thank you! This helped a lot! (And I agree. I’ve always imagined my wedding, from planning it and my dress, food etc, but I’ve never been able to picture someone at the altar. It’s always been a blur or just nothing. Lol. Looking back, it might have been a hint!)
  19. So At the beginning of the quarantine, (March) I began to really look into my sexuality. I then realized that I was aroace. I’ve come out to one of my close friends who’s a lesbian and was the main person to encourage me to investigate my sexuality. However, when I have recently thought about coming out to anyone else, I get a slight panic attack. If I think about my mother, she has always been very pro-lgbtq, very open, and she was really open and nice to my gay friend when she came out. I know she knows about asexuality because I heard her talking about it to one of our family friends one time when they were talking about the LGBTQ spectrum ( i didn’t hear the details). However, I always feel like if I were to come out to her, she wouldn’t be as accepting of me as aroace as if I was gay for example. I don’t know if this is because of romance normativity and such but I feel like she would be really disappointed. But my main point, sorry for taking so long to get here, lol, is that whenever she and my family/family friends talk about me getting married or dating or having kids it makes me sad because I feel like I’m getting their hopes up. Any recommendations on how to tell her this without revealing anything? I don’t think I’m ready to come out yet, as I still have some internalized fear of being aroace, but it hurts every time it’s brought up. Thanks!
  20. Although I have not lived through this like your friend is hoping, I have felt a lot of the feelings you are describing. One of the things your friend said was that they didn’t want to be alone but didn’t want a romantic relationship. I would suggest looking up what a QPR or queer/quasi platonic relationship is and if it is something they might be interested in. From what I understand it’s like a romantic relationship in any way shape or form that you and the other person/people agree with, but there isn’t any romantic feelings involved. That idea has helped me come to terms with it a little and made it slightly easier to accept! Hope this helped!
  21. I am a female, who recently began to identify as aro/ace. One thing that I am still struggling with is whether I want to get married and possibly have kids because of what society deems as normal, or if I actually want it, even if I don’t feel the romantic or sexual attraction. How would I know?
  22. There is a recently released book called Loveless by Alice Oseman. It’s basically a coming out story of an aroace girl while at university. It’s also an oven voices novel so it’s based loosely on her experiences. I personally thought it was AMAZING and it really helped me validate my feelings and set in my identity. I often go back to think about the book and how I felt reading it when I’m doubting myself or my identity. It’s more of a fiction book than an anthology or anything but it’s really good and describes both a sexuality and a romanticism very well in my opinion
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