Aro/Ace representation: The Do's and Dont's?

[GhostyPeppers]

So I am sure there is already an in depth guide somewhere on the internet, but I think its better to get multiple opinions from people who Identify as aro, ace, or aroace (+any variation that comes with).

 

To be more specific, I plan on writing/developing some aroace characters (for my webcomic) and as an alloaro, I want to make sure I don't accidently misrepresent my aspec peers. Although the story won't revolve entirely around their relationships, I still want to make it an important part of their identity due to the lack of aroace representation.

The first character is a side character who exists to be the mentor/father-like moral support of the small community he lives in. I thought about making him aroace with either being sex/romance repulsed or indifferent.

The second character is ace, but maybe not aro?? She has no interest in sex nor would anything in the story put her in that kind of position (shes an anthro bird and the whole comic is sfw with the exception of an innuendo/implied themes here and there).

I even thought about putting the two main leads (this including the second character previously mentioned) in a sexless QPR to show how strong of a platonic bond they have to the point where its more than a simple friendship.

 

With all of this in mind, are there anything I am either doing wrong? Are there things I think I should include that are related/exclusive to an aroace arc? Any sources/guides you would like to share? Feel free to give me your two cents, the floor is yours. And feel free to ask questions/clarification.

[Sam Spade]

I found an in-depth guide once but I can't remember the blog. (I'll try to find it again)

From an aroace perspective, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. We need ace romances, QPRs, and characters who don't want relationships. 

I've read that your aro or ace characters shouldn't be robots, aliens or villains (the whole 'don't feel romantic attraction = evil and heartless' stereotype). And having an emotionally distant, traumatized or socially awkward ace character could play into stereotypes too. 

A helpful quote from https://simplyoriginalcharacters.tumblr.com/post/162641610574/how-to-write-an-asexual-character - 

"Do include multiple asexual characters in your story. Doing so decreases the burden of representation. E.g. If your story has one character who’s asexual and introverted your readers might assume all asexual people are introverted. When your story contains both introverted and extroverted asexual characters, readers are less likely to make that assumption."

(this goes for all minority characters btw)

Edited January 9, 2021 by Sam Spade
Adding a blog link

[GhostyPeppers]

17 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

I found an in-depth guide once but I can't remember the blog. (I'll try to find it again)

From an aroace perspective, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. We need ace romances, QPRs, and characters who don't want relationships. 

I've read that your aro or ace characters shouldn't be robots, aliens or villains (the whole 'don't feel romantic attraction = evil and heartless' stereotype). And having an emotionally distant, traumatized or socially awkward ace character could play into stereotypes too. 

A helpful quote from https://simplyoriginalcharacters.tumblr.com/post/162641610574/how-to-write-an-asexual-character - 

"Do include multiple asexual characters in your story. Doing so decreases the burden of representation. E.g. If your story has one character who’s asexual and introverted your readers might assume all asexual people are introverted. When your story contains both introverted and extroverted asexual characters, readers are less likely to make that assumption."

(this goes for all minority characters btw)

Thank you so much for all of this, I especially found the blog really helpful!

[nonmerci]

You seem to have a great idea, nothing about that sounds hurtful to me.

On 1/9/2021 at 6:34 PM, GhostyPeppers said:

Are there things I think I should include that are related/exclusive to an aroace arc?

Don't know if it will work with your story, but I think one thing that is exclusive to aroace is thinking that we are bi or pan because of equally lack of attracted in all genders make us think we are equally attracted to them both, instead of unattracted. On the other hand, some aroaces know very young they are not into relationship at all. It depends. But it sounds different than what I heard from allo aros, who can confuse their sexual attraction with romantic attraction.

Something you can think about too is his relation to his identity. Some aroace care more about their aro identity, some more about their ace identity, some care about it equally. It depends on the person and probably on their experiences.

Aroaces can also feel torn when there is conflit between the aro and the ace communities.

[Apathetic Echidna]

On 1/10/2021 at 4:04 AM, GhostyPeppers said:

The first character is a side character who exists to be the mentor/father-like moral support of the small community he lives in. I thought about making him aroace with either being sex/romance repulsed or indifferent.

If this character is going to be framed as a leader and sex/romance repulsed then be careful about going too far. If other characters need help on these issues focusing too much on the repulsion might undermine the leader aspects, while focusing on the leadership responsibilities of help or direction might erase the repulsion. I don't know if this is a situation that may occur, but I just wanted to point it out so you can anticipate possible issues. 

[Guest Pan+Agender Supporter]

If any book/movie wants to represent the ace, aro, or aroace communities, it's better to not impose stereotypes. Just bc someone is aro, doesn't mean that they can't support a friend in a relationship or have sexual attraction. Irl, my aroace friend isn't introverted. He's funny and a really nice person to be around, not an unfeeling emo robot. Relationships are important, but it shouldn't be everything. It doesn't have to, but can, include a lack of representation of the ace, aro, and aroace community to open eyes abt the harsh realities aces, aros, and aroaces face. Overall, it shouldn't focus too much on ace, aro, or aroace characteristics, but please take this with a few grains of salt. 

[LifezVictory]

For the love of god, do not make every aroace character cold, logical and stoic. We still have emotions.

[lekhasverse]

Not all of us are super sad and angsty about not being in a relationship. It's important to show aros who embrace their identity and are not just upset at seeing all their friends pair off (*cough* Isaac *cough*).

And aro characters also need to have their own stories that aren't just existing as a side piece to other characters who are in relationships. Don't just make them aloof and standoffish. Even if it doesn't revolve around their identity, make them a strong character. We still have friendships and hobbies and passions. Maybe their identity doesn't even bother them much. 

Heartstopper was a good start at accurately portraying Isaac's aroace identity, but he was so insignificant that only one side of him was shown. Basically, unless they're like a background character, give them a complex personality the way you would with any other character.

[Mult]

13 hours ago, lekhasverse said:

Not all of us are super sad and angsty about not being in a relationship. It's important to show aros who embrace their identity and are not just upset at seeing all their friends pair off

100%

Honestly getting so sick of the "miserable, sad, lonely" stereotype. I'm not interested in any sort of intimate committed relationship and only want friendships, and I am in no way sad or jealous or waxing poetically about "oh how I wish I could fall in love!" 

I'm just living my single best life.

[Picklethewickle]

It doesn't really matter to me what personality they have, as aroace people are as varied and individual as the next group of people. What matters to me, intensely, is that they not conform to amatonormativity. I've attempted reading a few books with representation, and all the ones I've seen have tried so hard to assure the readers that aros and aces can have relationships that are indistinguishable from the standard romantic/sexual pairing. Not only that, the writer will pick some additional form of attraction or connection and exaggerate it over the top to compensate for being aro or ace. Aros get portrayed as disturbingly obsessed with their friends and more sexually available than a blow-up doll to compensate for being aro. Aces get so sickeningly romantic it's like they suck shit straight out of cupid's ass. Both groups get shown as desperate for relationships, so they can fit in and be normal and finally feel the "wonderful things" everyone else is feeling. The conclusion to exploring their identity is always the same: they get a date.

Being aroace isn't a lack or a defect that has to be made up for with other passions, especially not passions that revolve around other people.

[lekhasverse]

15 hours ago, Mult said:

I am in no way sad or jealous or waxing poetically about "oh how I wish I could fall in love!" 

Imma be honest, I'm kinda guilty of that sometimes because I'll be going about my day and then one random moment I'll be hit with a wave of loneliness at not being in a relationship, but then a moment later I'll snap out of it like "huh that was weird lol anyways—"

[Mult]

19 hours ago, Picklethewickle said:

I've attempted reading a few books with representation, and all the ones I've seen have tried so hard to assure the readers that aros and aces can have relationships that are indistinguishable from the standard romantic/sexual pairing. Not only that, the writer will pick some additional form of attraction or connection and exaggerate it over the top to compensate for being aro or ace. Aros get portrayed as disturbingly obsessed with their friends and more sexually available than a blow-up doll to compensate for being aro. Aces get so sickeningly romantic it's like they suck shit straight out of cupid's ass. Both groups get shown as desperate for relationships, so they can fit in and be normal and finally feel the "wonderful things" everyone else is feeling. The conclusion to exploring their identity is always the same: they get a date

That's so true 😭

And fans do that to often too. The worst is:

"Asexuals/Aromanticism can date, they aren't robots!"

Too many people imply that those who don't date at all are like robots. 

People need to accept that not dating or having sex is perfectly fine.

 

[Raven-in-daylight]

On 1/9/2021 at 6:34 PM, GhostyPeppers said:

With all of this in mind, are there anything I am either doing wrong? Are there things I think I should include that are related/exclusive to an aroace arc? Any sources/guides you would like to share? Feel free to give me your two cents, the floor is yours. And feel free to ask questions/clarification.

i think your plans already sound pretty good. the only thing i can add is: for goodness sake, state their orientations clearly! have them say they aren’t interested! because the vast majority of people assume compulsory heterosexuality and heterotomanticism. this means that, unless clearly proven otherwise, a character is assumed to be straight. which, when the orientation is defined by lack of attraction / activity, means people will assume straight. so please please please, have the characters in story say their experience about romance and sexuality, especially with aromanticism and asexuality. 

[Mult]

On 7/14/2024 at 11:07 AM, Raven-in-daylight said:

for goodness sake, state their orientations clearly! have them say they aren’t interested! because the vast majority of people assume compulsory heterosexuality and heteroromanticism

Yeah, being ambiguous causes a lot of conflict in fan spaces in my experience. Or, as you say, the character is just assumed to be straight.