GhostyPeppers

So...after promising myself i would never enter a romantic relationship again (made after I accepted my aromantic identity), I went ahead and got into yet another relationship. See, what happened was that I started playfully flirting with a friend of a friend (who i wanted to get to know better anyway). I think I mainly did it because I found them somewhat attractive, plus they seemed very sweet! Yet as we slowly started to spend more time together, the flirting became less casual and they even started dropping hints back. After a bit of a back and forth, we finally opened up to each other and expressed interest in making this a thing. They are fully aware that Im a-spec and is ok with dating an aro person! At the moment I was very happy and excited, but now looking back at it a day later...did I do the right thing? I know some aros still chose to be in romantic relationships for whatever reason, but i feel like i'm "leading them on" or something. Am I a bad person for getting into a relationship I might not be fully invested in?? I basically told myself that I wasn't going to stress over the romantic relationship like Ive had in the past, that it was going to be "casual", and if it doesn't turn out good, then i could remain friends with them. I like romance in fiction, and i do enjoy romantic elements irl (kissing, dates, etc), its mainly the attraction part that still takes me for a ride. I don't know if im completely aro, aroflux, frey, cupio...I'm feeling a lot of mixed feelings right now. TL;DR: I hooked up with someone I was interested in (in one way or another) and Its making me further question my aro identity that I was previously comfortable with. Did I make an oopsie? Hope this post was a t least somewhat coherent. Not the best with this stuff.

Im glad im not the only aro who had a "obsessed with romance at a very early age" phase. Tbh I feel like the media really makes it out to be like romance is the only reason to live sometimes, ANYWAY- I hope you find your place here! We're a very welcoming community! Ive definitely felt welcomed when i first joined and i hope you do too.

I constantly switch back and forth between "I don't need romance to be happy, I have great friends for that!!" and "I am so alone and sad,, I wanna share a bed with someone and make out and aaaaa-", so I totally get it. Its also hard when you try talking to an allo person and they treat your aromanticism like it is a choice and not simply something you have zero control over. I never felt happy forcing myself into relationships, nor do I always feel happy not having them at all because my brain was conditioned to believe that romance was the ultimate source of happiness. But they'll always be like "maybe you just haven't found the right person yet" or "I know you've been heartbroken in the past so I understand your choice to not be in relationships anymore" like?? I cannot control the aromantic in me, I literally cannot. I've tried for years and its only caused me problems. So yeah anyway TL;DR: I completely relate to your experience as a rom-positive aro person. We can get through this together

I don't think I have bipolar specifically, but I have noticed that I have frequent periods of very productive high energy weeks/days and then I'll suddenly have a week where I don't wanna do anything or talk to anybody because I feel so dead inside, like all of the energy I had the week before is suddenly completely gone. That could be just normal depression or something but I don't know. And, to briefly bring up aromanticism, I have noticed that I tend to "yern" for romance/sexual intimacy during these unmotivated moments than I do any other week where platonic friendships are more than enough. Anyway sorry if it seemed like I hijacked a post that was only for bipolar people, but reading your description does kinda sorta describe me in a way? I would also love to know more about Bipolar since I know there is a lot of misinformation about it everywhere

Hello! Welcome (back)! Glad to have you here!

Hey, welcome! Hope you enjoy your stay here

Huh, Ive heard of QPRs, but I never considered non-platonic friendships to be a thing. I just assumed friendships were platonic by default? This is an interesting insight, thanks for sharing

GOD I feel that so much! Anyway, welcome to the community! I haven't been here for long, but as far as I can tell you'll fit in just fine. Being on this form has helped me accept myself better, so I highly recommend reading through as many forms posts as possible. Good luck on your journey my dude!

Ah don't worry! I completely get that. I've stayed away from horror for a while due to my anxiety, but my love for it has grown over the years. I also appreciate the aesthetic side of horror/gothic things as well. Either way, you seem pretty cool!

Hey mate, glad you were able to eventually come to terms with your aromanticism! Im still in the process, yet this little community has been helping me out with that a lot. You'll fit in perfectly.

Hey Teresa! Welcome to the community! Hope you settle in well!! And if you ever wanna talk about horror stuff, id be down :0

I don't know much about QPRs either, but from what I've heard, it usually contains the same elements of a typical "romantic" relationship (living together, spending time, strong emotional connection, etc) without anything you may consider romantic (kissing, cuddling, s*x in some cases). I think it really depends on what kind of boundaries the two (or more) members of a QPR decide on. As for me, I wouldn't mind some casual affection in an otherwise non-romantic QPR, but someone else in that QPR might not want to engage in that activity at all. It's best to find someone you like being in the company of and figuring out what ground rules to set down. But like I said, this is just information I've absorbed over the last few months. I haven't had any actual experience myself, but I encourage you to look into it because it sounds like your cup of tea.

I have a very weird question for anybody in the aro-spectrum: Do you think your aromantic orientation impacts your relationship between friends? I guess I've always had a strong platonic connection with other people, yet it took me many years to realize that a lot of allos don't see friendship that way or feel platonic feelings that strongly (bit of a generalization, though). I mean, I rarely get bummed out over past relationships after a short period of time, but it is really hard for me to get over a loss of a friend, even if it's been 2-3 years since it happened. I also find myself getting an emotional high when a friend says ILY (platonically) or expresses some sort of approval. Alloromantic people?? Don't seem to react the same way as far as I've seen personally? I don't want to make it sound like I don't think allos experience platonic love at all, but I've been told my dedication to friends is more on the extreme side. I would like to hear how you think your aromanticism impacts how you see/interact with your friends and non-romantic loved ones.

Thank you!! :0 It looks delicious

*slight NSFW talk warning* Im currently iding as an alloaro, and I can safely say that I do feel sexual attraction. In fact, I think I feel it pretty extremely if I often confuse it for "romantic" attraction. Puberty hit me like a bus. The minute I reached that age, I could not stop thinking about those kind of things. I guess the best way I would describe MY personal experience with sexual attraction is catching myself staring at attractive people and allowing my brain to just roam freely with that. I cannot control WHEN I feel these things, but I can definitely control how I act based off of that, if not acting at all. I never actually did anything with anyone outside of suggestive flirting, but I do enjoy doing other sexual things by myself. Its just something ive always felt from an early age, so in my mind its "normal". The ultimate difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction (I think anyway) is "Are they just pretty in general or is there anything specifically I want to see/do with this person if given the right to?" Because I have seen attractive people I otherwise didn't want to physically engage with. Hope this isn't too explicit.

As much as I LOVED the concept of romance when I was younger, I would always get anxious with the idea of getting married to someone or moving in with a romantic partner, and I didn't understand why for the longest time? Maybe I was worried about being tied down for too long. Tied down to one specific person who might suddenly become abusive or nasty. I don't know if that actually has anything to do with aromanticism, but I've mention that fear to people before and they all found it weird. Im like 99% sure I did the same thing since Elementary school

Hey! My name is Lucas, but you can simply call me Ghosty! (He/they) I have recently been identifying as aromantic (possibly freyromantic) after trying to force myself into a typical alloromantic lifestyle. I have been in 4 romantic relationships before I realized what the problem was; I didn't actually feel romantically attracted to them. It was either sexual or sensual attraction I was experiencing, sometimes I think it might have been a really strong platonic attraction. Whatever those feelings were does not matter now. I have broken many hearts due to either a confusion of feelings or the loss of actual attraction in general. I don't know what else to talk about, but if anybody has any questions about my personal experiences, I would be more than happy to answer. I just need to be in an accepting community because everybody I know is allo in some shape or form, which isn't bad, but it can feel isolating sometimes. Oh, besides the aro stuff, I also do a lot of art. I still like shipping fictional characters as much as the next guy. IRL romance just does not mix with me. I hope I did the introduction correctly?