Oatpunk Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 (edited) Heyo! I'm a 22 year old greyro ace who stole my name off a very angry package of oat milk. I've been stalking around the aros on tumblr for a while but never took the step to make an account here until now. I'm not sure why, because I've always considered my arospec identity to be a much larger part of who I am than my asexuality. It feels like my lack of romantic attraction and my lack of wanting a relationship is a lot more difficult for people to accept and understand than other parts of me. Like people have been taught that you always need to respect someone's sexual boundaries, but if you don't want to hold someone's hand?????? You're really stretching people's capacity of dealing with your weirdness. I've been carrying all my thoughts about this alone for far too long so now I'm going to let them loose on the forums! I'm not really a forum person, the only other one I've been on is AVEN, and I am so sick of it. There are too many people on there that are just straight-up vile, and that's not even counting in all the amatonormativity, gatekeeping and other shit that goes on. I saw that there were plans to join with them to keep this site running but that it got voted down because other members have also had bad experiences with them, so I hope I will feel more at home here! It's so isolating to not know anyone who understands how I feel, even if I have good friends who like me for who I am. Anyway, I'm excited to get to know you all! Edited July 1, 2020 by Oatpunk 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted July 1, 2020 Share Posted July 1, 2020 Hello Oatpunk ^^ Welcome and hope you have a nicer experience here. Take this (insert tasty coffee and key lime pie) They are my comfort food so hope you enjoy them, if not then imagine your fave food ^^. Hope you can feel comfy here. Cheers. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apathetic Echidna Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 Welcome @Oatpunk Being a much (much) smaller community things generally seem more caring and relaxed, though we aren't perfect and things can move very slowly. And yeah, this place does seem like it hosts a fairly large number of people who have had bad interactions with AVEN or other ace organisations/people, myself included, I just hope there is enough balance that we don't ever sway into toxic territory. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 8 hours ago, Apathetic Echidna said: Quick question :3 how do you put that emoji? i have tried looking it up in the emojis but nothing appears. ^^ i love it but can't make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oatpunk Posted July 2, 2020 Author Share Posted July 2, 2020 (edited) Thank you for your kind replies! @Apathetic Echidna I think a smaller community might be what I need, actually. With everything moving so fast over on AVEN, things can get very heated. @Blake I've never had key lime pie, only seen it on TV, but I'm sure it's tasty! Also, for the emoji you can search "ice" to find it Edited July 2, 2020 by Oatpunk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmafriendly Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 I feel this so much!! My aroness is WAY more prevalent and part of my identity as a person than my aceness. Even ace specific communities are kinda sus to me because I've come across the qualifier of "we don't have sexual attraction, but romantic attraction is valid!" too many times. Aro specific commuities are really what do it for me, personally. Welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nisse Posted July 13, 2020 Share Posted July 13, 2020 aaah it's so validating to se more people who consider their aroness a bigger part of themselves than their aceness. i think part of it for me as well is that who or whether i have or do not have sex with is very private - even though the act of sex isn't even the main thing with aceness. it's weird!! but ALSO On 7/1/2020 at 5:43 PM, Oatpunk said: It feels like my lack of romantic attraction and my lack of wanting a relationship is a lot more difficult for people to accept and understand than other parts of me. Like people have been taught that you always need to respect someone's sexual boundaries, but if you don't want to hold someone's hand?????? You're really stretching people's capacity of dealing with your weirdness. this!!! i've never thought about it, but this is so true. romantic love is viewed as such an intrinsic part of humanity. uuuugh. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oatpunk Posted July 13, 2020 Author Share Posted July 13, 2020 2 hours ago, emmafriendly said: I feel this so much!! My aroness is WAY more prevalent and part of my identity as a person than my aceness. Even ace specific communities are kinda sus to me because I've come across the qualifier of "we don't have sexual attraction, but romantic attraction is valid!" too many times. Aro specific commuities are really what do it for me, personally. Welcome! I'm happy to find someone who agrees! The "We're not cold, we can still love" mindset is too common for me to be entirely comfortable in certain ace spaces. Also, I saw this poll on AVEN where some people had filled in that aces are a part of the lgbtq+ community but that aros are not. Like.......what. You would expect a community that gets so excluded to be less ignorant. 5 minutes ago, nisse said: aaah it's so validating to se more people who consider their aroness a bigger part of themselves than their aceness. i think part of it for me as well is that who or whether i have or do not have sex with is very private - even though the act of sex isn't even the main thing with aceness. it's weird!! but ALSO this!!! i've never thought about it, but this is so true. romantic love is viewed as such an intrinsic part of humanity. uuuugh. ayyy, we're having a big validation party here! And yes! Love is what makes us human. Everyone knows this! Who needs consequential thinking or passion or creativity since none of those things defines me as a person :))) Without love I might as well just wither away. Disappear on the spot because I don't actually exist. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Native Manitou Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 I have a 2-week suspension from AVEN for trying to stand up to racism on that site. 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonmerci Posted October 1, 2020 Share Posted October 1, 2020 (edited) For some reason, the more I heard about AVEN, the more I am disgusted... That's a shame it is the more visible asexual website. Edited October 1, 2020 by nonmerci 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Native Manitou Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 (edited) I recently read the Arocalypse is Shutting Down thread. There was some talk of AVEN's involvement, & it was chilling: Quote For the most part, Arocalypse would maintain it's autonomy. We'd have separate Terms of Service, and bans would not transfer between sites automatically. That being said, the AdMod teams of the forums might share information with one another in case bans are very serious. (A stalker who gets banned on one forum would automatically get a ban on the other). I have 2 "Stalking/Harassing" warnings against me on AVEN, though I've done no such thing. If the AVEN staff had their way, I'd be banned from here too. Edited November 6, 2020 by 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindBeam Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 (edited) I think the people who run AVEN are far too quick to hand out warnings. And far too quick to accuse anyone they disagree with of some dreadful 'ism' instead of saying what they mean. Some of the posters on there seem similar. There is a sort of 'in crowd'. The 'in crowd' seem to have very entrenched views - which is fair enough in itself - but they're not really interested in discussing them. Hopefully this place can remain independent of AVEN. Edited November 6, 2020 by MindBeam 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Native Manitou Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 On 11/6/2020 at 9:06 AM, MindBeam said: Hopefully this place can remain independent of AVEN. The thread is from March. The issue was resolved, creating the Arocolypse we know now. We're safe from AVEN, for now at least. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindBeam Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 12 hours ago, 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess said: We're safe from AVEN, for now at least. Thank God for small mercies! ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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