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Good Morning, Afternoon or Evening. I have a question about my life.


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Okay so...where to start...


I suppose I will begin with the first thing that came to my mind when I created this account; I don't know what to do anymore. Now that's out of the way I can properly begin. 


Hello, yes I'm new, not much of a surprise given the title but I truly didn't know how to start this off. My real reason for creating this account was to see if someone can tell me what exactly I am and where, if at all, I fall on the aromantic spectrum. Here's the thing; I've never had a crush, a squish, anything like that and I figured out rather early on that I was aromantic to some extent, but as I grew older I began to feel a little different. At first, I thought it may be that I was wrong about being aromantic, then I discovered the term cupioromantic and thought that may apply to me more, but the longer I was on forums and looking through things the more I thought it might just be amatonormativity shining through like it always does. Though now I am thoroughly confused, very full of a type of sorrow I've not felt before, and extremely worried about my future. 


So here's my problem that I can't seem to find a name for: I desire a love that is romantic but I am not romantically attracted to other people in any capacity. This internal fight took me down many a spiral on many a late night. If I am truly some type of aromantic and have never felt romantic love for anyone else, how can I enter a relationship wanting to feel love and knowing that I can't? (I know it sounds all kinds of weird and wacky, but I promise you it was a genuine feeling I had for such a long time.)


With this came a sort of paradoxical feeling I experienced last year as part of my growth -- how can I be aromantic yet want to feel romantic love? How can I yearn for it in such a way that, in certain circumstances, I tear up at the thought of never being able to feel that sort of love?


Anyway, the main reason I have made this account is to ask and gain an answer to a simple question; am I aromantic? And if your answer to that is yes, what title can I give this feeling that is so strong I can bearly handle thinking about it? Is there a name for what I am feeling or is it just amatonormativity screwing me over like it has for so many others? Are there other people who feel like this or am I alone on this? If there are other people like me, did you get over this feeling and if you did how so? If you didn't, what did you do to remedy the situation? if you're like me then is there a name for us, for people who feel the way I do or is this one of those situations where it may be best to seek therapy and determine if there is something medically wrong with me? I am not saying that there is something wrong with me being me, but if there is no one out there with an experience such as this I would like to, I suppose experiment on myself, to determine if this is something that is a medical issue or if this is something I was inherently...I hesitate to say born with since that is not something the entire community has dealt with. Regardless of that, I would like to know if I, as someone who would like to feel romantic attraction but has never felt such things before, can be considered in any of the romantic orientations. As I stated before I had thought myself cupio, but after reading up on it further I would have to disagree with some of the things that certain orientation would mean for me -- for instance, I don't just want a romantic relationship, I yearn to feel what many would consider romantic love. 


And I know some may still say I am cupioromantic or a product amatonormativity, and I will have to agree that those could both be possible in my situation, but if there is someone out there with similar feelings to mine I would like to know. So, big question; am I cupio, a product of a world starstruck by romance, or am I something else entirely? On that note, I should probably finish this off, thank you if anyone ever reads this and I bid you adieu. 

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Yeah, sure. There are plenty of romance-favorable aros, nothing wrong with it. It's definitely possible to have a healthy romantic relationship as an aro, too. Just do what you want my dude, it doesn't make you any less aro than anybody else.

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On 2/22/2019 at 5:36 PM, Ashere said:

discovered the term cupioromantic and thought that may apply to me more, but the longer I was on forums and looking through things the more I thought it might just be amatonormativity shining through like it always does.

The fact that a romantic relationship means so much to you should definitely be respected.  Aromanticism is defined as an attraction orientation so Aromantics can have relationships, they can date, they can marry. I always thought Cupioromantic was the perfect blend of attraction vs desire terms: an aromantic who desires romantic relationships. (though the label police attacked me on AVEN for thinking that). I can't tell you what you are, I think you are aromantic, and your yearning for a romantic partnership makes me think you would fit cupioromantic. Don't let the debates get you down. Internalised amatonormativity is generally a term for things related to romance that annoy us while part of us yearn for them, to be pulled and pushed in different directions. You seem to only feel a pull in one direction so claim a label you find kinship with. 

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Hi! I actually feel this post very much and have refused to label myself publically as aro/ace because I am sadly hoping one day it’ll randomly hit me in the face and I’ll feel these amazing “butterflies and fireworks” people talk about

i wish I could give advice but I struggle with this a lot too, but you are definitely not alone 

for me I keep myself occupied with relatively intimiate friendships, maybe similar to QPRs

in general the idea of a QPR gives me some amount of hope 

i also just try to keep in mind I’m young and have a lot of personal growing to do and schooling to do and keeping in mind if romance is for me it’ll show up and if it’s not it won’t and that’s that


To the people I have mentioned my feelings to I say greyromantic because it seems pretty vague... “rarely having feelings”

lets me feel like there’s still a chance of it happening


I’m sure this wasn’t too much help but hopefully you at least feel less alone 

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  • 1 year later...

As a lot of people who are not completely romance repulsed I asked myself the same questions as Ashere.

After a lot of Why? and What would I like in a relationship? I understood better two things.

- What really made me happy. Also considering things from my own point of view, prioritizing reality to theory. Forgetting about amatonormative view. Was my vision of love idealized like a religion?

- What I though was really cool in a couple (which for me ended up being the deep platonic dimension).

I don't know if there is any shortcut or sure path to find this personal truth.

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