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DannyFenton123

How Many Times Have You Heard This?

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'When you get married...'

 

I must've heard it a thousand or so times. What about you guys? xD

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I hate this so much!


My mom says it at least once a week. And she always assumes the gender, too! That makes it even worse! She also says things like "Oh, you can only date Jewish people and they can't be trans blah blah" and I get really pissed, even though I probably won't date. And then when I imply my possible aromanticism, she thinks I'm too young, that I'm repressed, etc.

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I know. My aunt and grandfather are major culprits of this, as well as my French teacher (!?)

 

Perhaps it's even worse that my aunt and uncle own a wedding buisness >.>

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Yep, people also say husband to me too. Some can't comprehend that i'm not already married, i've actually been asked before why i'm not married or engaged, in any relationship. 

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So often. 

Though I think my mom is slowly giving up hope of me ever finding someone. :P

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I used to get the "you need to get a girlfriend" routine a lot from friends and family. But coming out about being aro ace seems to have put a stop to it.

 

Jus remember that they are only asking/assuming because they want you to be happy. If they don't know that you have no intention of going down that route then they will always assume the default.

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1 minute ago, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

Jus remember that they are only asking/assuming because they want you to be happy. If they don't know that you have no intention of going down that route then they will always assume the default.

 

That is true and it's important to remember, but still I can't help but find it annoying. I can't wait until I'm independent and I can come out, and then people will stop :P

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At least you know what you want and don't want. When I was getting hassled like this, I was confused. The hassling made me feel like I was a bit of a failure.

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Yeah, before I discovered AVEN I was sorta like "Oh, well. I may not want to get married now, but of course that'll change when I meet the OneTM >.>

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Before I discovered asexuality and aromanticism, I basically thought to myself:

 

"Okay, I don't have crushes yet. Better wait it out until I do.

*4 years after puberty*

Umm… this is taking a little longer than expected."

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And then I confessed to my friends once that I didn't want to marry, like it was some shameful secret. They were all pretty awesome about it, so technically I came out of the closet before I even knew I was in one!

 

Only to that group of friends, though ;)

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Oh yes, definitely get this one a lot 9_9.  It annoys me much more when it comes from family and friends, as I feel like they should know me better; I've said since I was about 5 that I'm not ever getting married.  I think my family thought it was cute when I was little.  Then they started getting concerned.

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"When you get married, you'll want kids."

 

Well, technically maybe possibly I would, but not now.

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All the time, oh my god. I'm out to my mom, but I feel like she's either in denial or doesn't fully understand what aromantic really means. She's always saying stuff like "when you meet the right man..." or whatever, implying that not only will I have romantic feelings in the future, it also implies that I'm sad (?) about not having romantic feelings?

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I hear it a lot too. But I do actually want to get married someday just to have kids though. Like a long term FWB or QPR who also wants kids would awesome to get married to.

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My usual response is "How on Earth can you love someone so much you drag the government into it and legally bind someone to you??"

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"Are you sure you don't like anyone?"

 

YES. I AM QUITE SURE. THANK YOU.

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I haven't gotten that a lot lately, but I'll never forget this one rude comment I got when I mentioned that I'm a musician.

 

"If you want to do music, then you better marry a rich husband."

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12 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I haven't gotten that a lot lately, but I'll never forget this one rude comment I got when I mentioned that I'm a musician.

 

"If you want to do music, then you better marry a rich husband."

 

Ugh, I hate comments like that! It always makes me angry when someone implies I need a husband for anything--just because I'm female-bodied doesn't mean I can't take care of myself thanks. 

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I get lots of "when you're married" type comments too.  Part of me knows they just assume that marriage will make me happy, but I'm still a bit bothered by the assumption that one day I'll want a husband.

 

I still remember when I was talking to my undergrad advisor about whether or not grad school would be the right choice for me, he started telling me what his grad school experience was like, and he happened to already be married at the time.  He then said that one important thing I should consider when making a decision is the difficulties of startig a family while in grad school, because I "seem like the type of person who would want to get married early".  I almost laughed aloud when he said that, because it couldn't be farther from the truth.

 

I also have an elderly great-aunt, who thinks it's an absolute disgrace that I'm 21 and don't even have a boyfriend yet.  In her mind the only reason a girl should go to college is to find a husband, and she thinks my plans of studing computer science on my own is ridiculous.  I know she's just set in her ways, but I'm always fighting back anger every time she dismisses what I actually want to criticize my lack of a husband.

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So so so many times from parents and teachers and friends... I just kind of go "oh, yeah... when..." and try to change the topic as soon as possible.

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3 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I haven't gotten that a lot lately, but I'll never forget this one rude comment I got when I mentioned that I'm a musician.

 

"If you want to do music, then you better marry a rich husband."

 

Jeez! That's awful :(

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