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About thesolarian

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  • Birthday September 22

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  1. (Im new here and on my phone so excuse any mistakes. Also I put a lot of spaces so its easier to read and since im on my phone it may seem excessive) This will be about how my lack of attraction influences my lack of strong binary gender alignment, and my wondering if any others feel similarly, but I want to lead up to that for clairification and because I like talking a lot too. Anyways I identify as genderqueer as I feel like it encompasses the complexities and discontinuities of my gender, dysphoria, and how I want to present. I was assigned female at birth (dfab/afab) and my dysphoria pushes my transition to a very masculine side, enough that I identified as a trans man for a long while and still live as such offline. I want to have a more masculine build, facial hair, a lot of body hair, and a deep voice. But my dysphoria is the most binary aspect of myself, after that it gets much less binary. My gender expression at the moment is rather masculine so I am not seen as female, but how I often imagine myself later in life once im on hormones and physically look and sound more masculine is gender nonconforming. In the future I want to experiment with more feminine expression with clothing, makeup, and the like. And then we get to my sense of gender. I don't relate well to much of anyone with a binary gender so I don't feel I have much of one. I feel agender. I assumed that my lack of relation to cis guys was because of how I didn't interact with a lot guys since I was not raised as one. I also found their talk about women to be alienating which I simply thought was because I was more aware of sexism, but I now think it is also because im not attracted to women. Gay cis guys are somewhat more relatable due to general queerness and how some are gender nonconforming and how some parts of the bear subculture appeal to me but obviously a lot of being a gay man revolves around having relationships with men and I am not romantically attracted to men, and despite my slight sexual attraction to men I don't desire sexual relationships with men. So I still feel alienated from cis men as a whole. I expected to relate to trans men, and I found that I did, at least in terms of dysphoria. Otherwise I felt as alienated to straight and gay trans men as I did to cis men. Bi and pan trans men were slightly more relatable but hearing them talk about attraction was just as foreign. I feel like attraction helps a lot of binary trans people have a reference for their identity and establish relation to cis people of the same orientation, but without attraction I have no place to reference my gender from, and I haven't came across many a-spec cis or trans men. Do any of you have similar experiences?
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