hemogoblin

If you're looking for, like, a scientific/psychological reason...this is not something that we understand all that deeply yet! I personally think there's too many confounding factors for us to truly understand how and why feelings like this develop differently for different people.

Why did you decide to stop? If it brings you comfort, that seems like a good reason to keep on keepin' on. :)

Ah, gotchya! I'm sorry you don't really have any avenues for support. That really sucks. Do whatever you need to stay safe - but please do your best not to internalize her hatred and ignorance. There is a difference in going back in the closet around one person in order to survive and letting one person dictate your entire level of outness and authenticity.

Just had a lot of deadtime just standing around during a field sampling event in locations with no service. To kill time, I decided I could read something off my B&N app. ChoseYou're Not Supposed To Die Tonight which was an EXCELLENT choice. Devoured it in about a day. A really fun take on the slasher genre. I love how it opens and you know it's not real but that it's gotta become real at some point. Classic yet avoided being stereotypical and predictable. A really great example of how to build tension and atmosphere within a book, too.

2811

2809

Every time what? Have you ever considered just letting yourself identify as arospec for a while and seeing how you feel about it then?

You cannot make her understand or change (and she clearly has very little interest in doing so), but nor should you have to hide who you are. If your other roommates are cool, then just spend time with them and be frostily polite to the bigot but as distant as possible. Don't let her control your pride or your life. She's not worth that. You don't have to prescribe to an extreme here that she either becomes an ally or you have to hide in the closet. If one of your other roommates is particularly ally-ish, you could also talk to them and come up with a plan where they help keep her away from you. I would still consider looping your RA in on what's happening and discussing options.

2807

I am SO proud of y'all for reaching out and getting help. That's so huge, and I'm so glad you two were able to do that and that this group did help. That's amazing. I wish things were totally a-okay, but I'm glad you're both doing better and are a bit safer! Thanks for sharing. <2

I mean, that happens sometimes even when two allos are in a relationship together. What matters is if you're both happy and fulfilled with what the relationship has to offer you. Does his level/intensity of love make you uncomfortable? Has he mentioned anything about feeling like you don't express your love for him enough or something? Is this an issue...or just an observation?

Oh, huh. I can't believe we don't have an Amphibia thread! I loved Amphibia! Fantastic show. Very underrated. I can't remember the season timeline very well, so I won't post anything specific, lol.

Writs

There is pretty much no way to overreact to someone denying your humanity and existence. I'm so sorry. I would definitely talk to an RA about switching rooms. Don't minimize to the RA how unsafe you feel with her.

Valid!

2803

You can find a ton of different tertiary attractions people have described here: https://www.lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Tertiary_Attraction I wouldn't call it popular exactly, but domestic attraction is defined as wanting to live in domesticity with someone (live together and take care of each other, basically). I'd have to go through the list once I'm off work to see if anything else named might better suit what I think you're describing, but I would suggest starting with looking into alterous attraction. :)

2798

Oop, sorry about that! I didn't even think of shipping location/destination issues! :o I'm glad it sounds like you do have some things on your list, though. That's good. =)

Hey, how did it go (if you want to answer)? Have things gotten better? <3

2796

Hey there! Those are difficult feelings you're dealing with. It sounds like you've already started to do this, but I would stop and think on what love means to you. And I would think harder on why you think that's not something you can give. There are all kinds of love and just because amatonormativity says romantic love is the most important doesn't mean it actually is. Plenty of people have strong and deep and committed friendships and other partnerships (like queerplatonic relationships). So do you feel like you can't give admiration and loyalty because it's not romantic or because you don't feel that strongly about anyone? And if you truly feel that's not really something you can give, then I would start thinking on - what are other ways you can build your life to be fulfilling? What kind of goals do you have? What kind of experiences do you want to foster? What kind of person do you want to be and how well are you acting in line with ways that help you be this person? (It might not be up your ally, but in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy in 7 Weeks, there was a bit of work on building and defining goals for yourself that I found really useful to helping me break down who I wanted to be and how to move in a direction that would help meet these goals. It helped give me more sense of purpose and direction.) Good luck. I hope you can find a way to come to term with these feelings and desires and make them work for you. =)

Ime, when we live in a state where we have had to adapt to near constant pessimism and fear, it's hard to imagine achieving the future we dream of. It probably sounds sick, but I use to wish I would develop breast cancer because I hated my boobs so much and wanted them cut off. Even when I found out top surgery was a thing, I knew it was a thing for trans people, and I wasn't trans. It took me years to A) realize I was trans/nonbinary, and B) see that it was possible for me to pursue top surgery. And when I finally actually got around to the logistics of it...it took a matter of mere months and bam. I'm closing in on a year post-op. There's 100% a future out there where you're platonically coparenting a wonderful squad of kiddos! Don't lose hope. Keep contemplating and make some plans. I bet you'll realize it's not quite as impossible as it felt at this moment. =)

The line is wherever you draw it! There is no objective, hard and fast line. What makes an action platonic or romantic or sexual or whatever else is the intent behind it and/or how the people involved decide to define it. Kissing, cuddling, hugging - all can be platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, and/or a combo of those things. It depends on the people and the circumstance. What I can say is that for your typical allo, these lines are clear and distinct. They don't usually have to wonder if feelings are platonic or romantic. They just know. They feel that differently for them. There's also a gray area for people who aren't sure or don't prescribe to there being a difference between these lines, and that's quoiromantic, which we consider a part of the aro spectrum since it's not what society expects of people.

Oh, those are very cool! Good choices. Unfortunately, yeah, the more specific ideas you have, the harder it's going to be to find something. It's really hard for people to market subtle pride stuff because...how are you supposed to advertise it without mentioning it? D: Here's some things I found for you to peruse. Null/agender vibes necklace: https://www.amazon.com/Surly-Ramics-Symbol-Ceramic-Pendant-Necklace Ace moth vibes: https://www.amazon.com/KAWADU-Steampunk-Fashion-Accessory-Backpacks https://www.amazon.com/GYAYU-Butterfly-Brooch-Enamel-Insect Aro moth vibes: https://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Luna-Silver-Metal-Enamel https://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Moth-Enamel-Pins-Backpack / https://www.amazon.com/Butterfly-Moth-Enamel-Pins-Backpack Ace hummingbird vibes: https://www.amazon.com/DUOWEI-Rhinestone-Hummingbird-Multicolor-gold-plated-stainless-steel Aro/ace hummingbird vibes: https://www.amazon.com/PinMart-Colorful-Hummingbird-Brooch-Jewelry Aro or agender snake vibes: https://www.amazon.com/Gothic-Enamel-Horror-Clothes-Accessories Not off your list: Aroace bee vibes: https://www.amazon.com/Tvoip-Fashion-Natural-Brooches-Vintage Aroace vibe ring: https://www.amazon.com/FLEX-Ring-Silicone-Changeable-Everyday/ Nope (agender/aro/ace vibes) pin: https://www.amazon.com/Nope-Alarm-Clock-Enamel-Lapel/ https://www.amazon.com/These-Are-Things-Heart-Enamel Aro frog vibes: https://www.amazon.com/Surly-Ramics-Ceramic-Pendant-Necklace-Green