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  1. It would be interesting, but not helpful. Because aromanticism is a direction moving away from an extreme, not something going in two directions. Therefore, you need to observe the extreme pole in order to gauge the amount of difference between aromanticism and romanticism.
  2. I havent disliked it every time to be honest. There was this one girl from Europe who I have to say...she knew how to make kissing about as sexual as you could imagine. But that was the only reason I liked it. I dont generally like kissing because it just gross and it feels to personal and emotional. But honestly i have a lot of strange sexual interests and fixations so it wouldnt be out of line for me to not be into kissing primarily for sexual reasons. So, the romantic repulsion to kissing could just be a bonus.
  3. You sound aromantic to me. Read this thread: http://www.arocalypse.com/forums/topic/2349-what-a-crush-is-like-according-to-allos/ If you cant relate to what these people describing their crushes then I would just start saying I was aromantic, if I were you.
  4. But you see how weird it is right? Like what the hell are these people talking about? I have never felt like that in my life. 🥰
  5. So I put together this compilation of descriptions from certain question / answer forums on the internet. These are the more extreme responses and the most romantic that I could find. There were hundreds of more answers that were brief and not nearly this extreme. But I think this clearly shows what a crush is like when it is intense. This is the quintessential meaning of "crush" as it is used by allos. The question of what is a crush like has now been answered in a satisfactory fashion. At least for me! I hope this helps those of you who may have felt confused or curious too at some point. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's been different with different women, but this is how I've been feeling with a certain woman right now. Whenever I hear music, I imagine dancing with her. Whenever I watch a movie, I imagine her by my side, holding my hand. Whenever I see a happy couple on the street, I imagine me and her in their place. When I go to sleep at night, I imagine her next to me and I'm holding her in my arms. The thought of sex is there, but it's on the back burner because it's precluded by the thought of togetherness. Feelings of cooking with her, traveling with her, going to formal events with her where she's wearing a gorgeous dress and I feel damn lucky to have her by my side, having chosen me above all other men. She completely permeates my thoughts and it's a very precarious situation because I don't know what I'd do if she were to say, "No, I won't date you. You're not good enough for me." And for the time being, the only way I know how to cope with that is by drinking. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Seeing them smile or hearing them laugh males my heart happy. Being near them feels right. I want to spent time with them. Talk to them. Share experiences with them. Seeing them fall for other people can be utterly soul crushing but I am happy for them. I have to learn to be okay without them even though I've been okay without them so far. Being near them is almost good enough. I want their connection. I want to cuddle with them, kiss them, run my fingers through their hair. Getting to know them is something that I need but it also tears me apart if they don't feel the same for me. It hurts when I think that, to them, I will only ever be a friend. But they're happy. So I have to learn to let go of my idealized imagination of us together and move on. It sitll melts my heart when he smiles, though. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's like a spike of adrenaline in your heart every time you make eye contact with them, like an upspike. It raises your heart. You shiver every time you think about it. Their eyes are these deep pools that are your goal to look into at least once a day, every day. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hope to have another "crush" soon. When I was younger I loved day dreaming/ dreaming about my "crush's" so much, that I avoided pursuing a lot of them because of the romantic expectations I set day dreaming...But oh, they were heavenly. I am a genuine sap. I feel asleep with my head In the clouds, and a smile on my face. Thinking about you, beautiful. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having a crush makes you feel butterflies in your stomach whenever you see them. You feel a sense of happiness when you are around them and laugh at all of their jokes even though some of them are bad. You also tend to lean towards on the positive side of them that you see now and tell everybody how good they are if they were your partner. With the negatives, you ignore them, and skip on to life without first thinking through the red flags shown and the warnings revealed. Also, you have this longing for this special person whom you like. You start changing your decisions, your actions, your words, etc. in order to make a good impression on them. You start making decisions that might draw you closer to your crush and may make witty excuses to be near them. You want to be near them because they make you feel good on the inside. They inspire you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. You stay because they’re there, you go because they left. When you have a crush on somebody, you also tend to feel jealous over the slightest male-female interactions that that person has with other people. You become easily jealous if the person whom you like talks to the person of the opposite gender, easily mistaking that person to be someone who is trying to win over your crush. Lastly, having a crush makes your brain wired and focused on them all day when you see them or know their presence. You are conscious that they are there and act differently when they are around, etc. and get turned on by the positive things that they do. It is hard to get turned off unless if that person does something bad to you directly, hurts your friends, etc. You start tuning in with their feelings and also start to find similarities with them, hoping to spark up a lovely conversation with them in which you don’t because there are doubts in your head that pull you back. Simply, seeing them and their face makes you happy in a way that you go crazy over what their life is like. You get really curious as well as watching your own actions, etc. You treat them differently because they made you feel special. They’re different because they have a lot of qualities that you like in a person that it is hard to decline an offer/request to do something or go somewhere with them. Personally, when I have a crush, I experience butterflies in my stomach but my face is neutral. I look uninterested but I express all the possible not-so-obvious signs that I like you. Therefore, if people want to move on to the stage of dating with me, they’ll have to be very patient with me. Personally, I only open up to my closest friends. If my crush happens to be my closest friend, that would be a bonus for me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We played as a group all the summer afternoons. Who knew that some day, when he came to play, I felt really interesting. My heart was beating fast, my face turned red and my palms felt sweaty. My best friend already knew that I was in love and kept teasing me. But I was such a dumbass to understand it. Love is a good feeling, but still It is sad that after that summer I never had the chance to meet him again. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having a crush is a crazy feeling. You feel so attached to this person. You can know them very well or not know them at all (I’ve had both happen). The feelings are the same in either situation. You fantasize about the day that you end up together. You fantasize about hanging out with them, talking with them, kissing them, having sex. Some girls I know even fantasize about marriage and children. You want to be with them so badly and you think about them almost 24/7. They pop up in your mind at odd hours of the day. Little things remind you of them and you’ll start fantasizing about what would be happening if they were right there with you. When you do see them, your mind goes a little crazy. You can barely think. Your heart starts beating rapidly, blood rushes to your face, your stomach flutters. Your entire body feels warm and wonderful and terrible in their presence. You want to feel this all the time and you hope that they are feeling it, too. You want to talk with them about anything and everything, but you’re afraid of what you’ll say. Sometimes you won’t say anything at all. Sometimes you’ll get a little loud and crazy and say all the wrong things. Most of the time, you’ll try and avoid them and just stare at their beautiful face from afar. You wonder what it would feel like to have their arms around you, to touch their face, to have your lips on their lips. You wonder what it would feel like to hug them, to touch them, even briefly. You want to know everything about them. And with the internet, you can! (Joking.) You’ll search their name up on Google and follow them on all social media platforms. You’ll stalk their social media, look at posts they're tagged in, stalk their friends. You’ll listen to the music they like, read the books they’ve read. You’ll do everything in your power to get to know them from afar. Because you’re too scared to actually ask them what they like. And you want to be able to say “Oh my goodness I love them, too!” when they pronounce their favorite band. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It feels wonderful, but crushing at the same time. You know you have no chance, but your heart convinces you to believe you have a chance with them You get butterflies in your stomach when talking to them You have a longing to be around/with them You stare at them You imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with them Your heart seems to beat out of your chest when you’re around them You notice the little things about them You constantly think about them Your heart gets this “feeling” around them, and around no one else besides them You can’t help but smile when your with them Seeing them smile makes your day 100% better But if they reject you, you feel like everything is against you You notice the smallest glance between you two You try to make physical contact You’ve been thinking about “them” while reading this. You just know. You get that tingly feeling in your heart. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ive been crushing on this guy at school and hes about 2 years older than me but that doesnt matter. I end up dying whenever he passes by and stalk him somehow on every social media, like I cant freaking stop, its just addicting. Im addicted to him. I told all my friends about him and they always yell my name towards him but of course he doesnt get it, or he just doesnt wanna. Though the summers here I wont see him so my crush on him is kinda dying for now but he’ll be going to grade 12 this upcoming year and I just wanna say atleast a hi until he goes away. Goddamn my hearts jiggly right now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A crush on someone eh...well for one you can't stop thinking about them. Get giddy warm feelings in your chest when they smile at you for the first time (if you never spoke to them ) a crush is just a weird feeling that breaks your heart if you see them with another person. Your friends will tease you about it. Hiding it would be really hard. Denying just kinda hurts. Some romantic songs or books just reminds you of them ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Giddy. Intoxicating. Sometimes surprising. Often unsettling. Frequently accompanied by giddiness, happiness, and/or persistent intrusive thoughts of the person upon whom you have a crush. A little bit scary. A little bit exhilarating. Inspiring, at its best. And, every now and then, life-changing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At first, a crush feels like a swarm of butterflies has just hatched in your stomach and they're trying to escape. It feels like jumping from the top of a waterfall and into the cool, clear, refreshing water on a blazingly humid summer day. It feels like dancing in the rain under a canvas of bright stars and not caring what anyone thinks of your moves. It feels safe and warm and blissful. It is a beautiful dream you never want to wake up from. It feels like you're invincible and speeding down an open highway at 100 miles per hour. It tastes like your first bite of cheery cheesecake after dieting for a year. It is quenching, like an oasis, after walking through the desert with nothing to drink. It is a cool summer breeze. It is the first snowfall. A crush is new and beautiful and fills you with inspiration. Their laugh sounds like music and mundane activities become adventures. You anticipate the time you'll spend together and think of them when you're apart. The world becomes so much more beautiful and your problems will not seem so troubling. You'll find profound meaning in the most trivial of things and everything will feel brand new. There are an infinite amount of new experiences to be had and you'll look forward to everything. It feels like a triumph and reward at the same time. It feels like conquering that scary rollercoaster at the fair- complete with the adrenaline rush. It is wonderful, frightening, exciting, and beautiful. It is rare and fleeting, and perhaps that is what makes it so beautiful. If all goes right, though, it might just turn into love; and love, true love, by far, is the gold at the end of the rainbow; the ultimate prize. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crazy. You'll feel this surge of excitement and happiness everyday when you see them. They give your life a large meaning. When they text or speak to you, you subconsciously listen to every word and remember every single one. You will either feel your heart beat race so high you can't hear anyone else or cant feel anything. Like your heart had just stopped pumping blood already. And all you can do is focus on them and try your best to look cool and stop being awkwardddd. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CRAZY Wait, crazy is an understatement. I mean, I know that it isn't in my control and that makes me paranoid. It makes me happy and paranoid at the same time. Things I do when I have a crush. Stare at him every spare second. I have no shame in being caught staring. It's what having a crush does to me. Not proud of it but I don't think that I regret it either. Contemplate whether or not I should text him. "Will he think I'm being too clingy?" "Nah why would he think that?" After a few seconds.. "No no bad life decision I'm making. I shouldn't do it." And it goes on and on and on. Trying to gain his attention. Which ends up me being embarrassed in front of possibly everyone. It's an accepted collateral damage I think. Planning our future together. Yeah I know. Stupid move. I think way too much. Trust me, I plan way too much. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A crush comes in many ways. Is it just a crush or is it love? A normal crush is thinking someone’s cute or that you enjoy their company more than just a friend. But a crush that has the world *love* in it is a totally different thing. When youre in love, it's very, well, amazing. In some ways. When you're in love, that person suddenly means everything to you. You feel your stomach drop when they're upset or when theyre being too close with someone else. You smile at the simplest things they do, and feel the slight sadness the moment you end the conversation. Love has so many ways and so many definitions, but one thing we always share along, is that when you truly love someone, they're your whole world. It would be a nightmare to lose them. That's what I think about love. It's one of the biggest miracles we have. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crush…..Well everyone is different . I'll explain my story . When I was in 7th grade I had a crush on a girl who was just spectacular. She was like a heavenly personality in my eyes . A few things I remember were these : I used to forget what I needed to say to her or someone else in her presence I acted weird around her Hand shakes idk y were really really short My heart used to race When she came close I tried to speak but couldn't At night I used to think what would she be thinking? Now this was very rare but I sometimes thought I saw her while after 2-3 blinks she wasn't there I.e. just in my head.
  6. I wrote an essay on this subject, couldn't help it. If anyone is interested enough to read this novell please be my guest. 😀 Otherwise, this summary basically wraps it all up. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- summary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- * * * Im seriously starting to question if I have ever had a true crush! Until now I thought I had experienced a number of crushes going back as far as age 10 (nearly 11). BUT that doesnt seem to be true anymore! First I started reading about these "squishes" (not a term for me, but ok) that people are talking about. It made me reconsider what a crush is. Coming out to my mom about being aromantic this weekend, she told me I said I was "in love" with this crush I had when I was 14. I never said that, I know for a fact. She remembered wrong. But I reflected on what actually DID HAPPEN. And I thought about all these other so called "crushes" that I had. And I got more and more unsettled because Im uneasy not knowing. A conversation with another person about being aromantic didnt go well and they insisted I was having romantic feelings for these crushes I had mentioned. I said I didnt. This pissed me off. I decided to find out what allo people feel in their crushes so I could PROVE that I dont have these damn feelings to the same level they do. That is my whole point after all -- I cant feel romantic feelings beyond a shallow level. Only, that is not what I found. Instead I cant even relate AT ALL to what these allo people are talking about!! Which means I have been living my whole damn life under a lie...I assumed I had crushes when I didnt even know what a crush was. The rule of thumb I am using to understand my "crushes" is this: HOW IS THIS GIRL I AM 'CRUSHING ON' DIFFERENT FROM MY FRIENDS? I dont like to make a lot of true friends, just 5 to 6. I love these people and consider them to be permanent life partners. If i lose one of them it is devastating, like losing a body part. If someone is becoming a full friend and then decides not to go further, it hurts very badly. With all of my friends I always felt that were a special team with a special understanding that I didnt have with anyone else. * * * --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- continue for the giant essay... -------------------------------------------------------------------------- the crushes in detail -------------------------------------------------------------- * * * girl #1 -- the first "crush ever"...a girl from a summer camp when I was 10, right before grade 6. I was nearly 11 then. She was super cute and I had this infatuation with her. I never talked with her except one day when she told me she didnt like me. I was let down, hurt. It felt the same as when someone didnt want to be friends who I really liked. Thats it! That is not a crush. She was someone I wanted as a friend but couldnt have. girl #2 -- the "second" crush ever...a girlfriend of a family friend, also that summer. Never talked to her much but when was close to her I never felt "euphoria" or "butterflies". Super cute, wanted to be friends with her. She left and it faded. Not a crush, just someone I wanted as a friend. girl #3 -- the first "big crush"...a girl in grade 6. She was so cute and I thought she was really cool. Barely talked to her. She made me kind of nervous around her but it wasnt the good kind, not euphoric or butterflies or anything. It was because of social anxiety and other issues I had. It was an infatuation and desire to be sexual partners and friends. So, not a crush, but instead a someone I wanted to be my friend. girl #4 -- the second "big crush"...a girl in grade 7 who I had known my whole life. Same thing as girl #3, only that I was friends/buddies with her growing up and talked to her frequently at this time. No euphoria, no butterflies, but I just thought she was so cute and the best thing ever. But, thats it. I asked her out (twice...ugh) and she rejected me. It hurt really bad. Because she didnt want to be the kind of REAL friend I wanted her to be. She was a buddy/friend and I wanted her to be 100%, a full friend, like my others. I wanted her to really love me, like they did. Except we would be sexual too. So, its not a crush. She was someone I wanted to be my true friend. girl #5 -- the ultimate "crush" of all time, a girl from 7th grade. This girl I am still crazy about when I remember her. I had an utter infatuation with her even though we hadnt spoken. But it was the same deal as with girls #3 and #4. I never imagined doing romantic things with her, except maybe holding hands. Which for me is a sign that a girl thinks you are special to her. But the thing is, for me my friends have to see me as special, and acknowledge that they are special to me. Its part of it for me. So Its not any different. Not a crush then. She was someone I wanted to be my true friend and never did. girl #6 -- the second to ultimate crush of all time for me, a girl from 9th grade. This girl I ended up becoming friends with first. And as a friend I loved her truly. She started out very cute and then slowly became hot as hell to me. So finally I was super into her. The way I felt about her was the same kind of love as with my best friends of all time. A permanent part of your body, someone you can absolutely trust and and adore. But of course, she betrayed me. Anyway, she didnt like me back and that was incredibly crushing. But the feeling was the same as losing a friend or family member. I cant tell the difference to this day, thinking back on it....So she wasnt a crush. She was a heartbreak because I lost what I thought was a friend. girl #7 -- from 10th grade...Major infatuation with her. Felt really special and good to be with her in class. But that special feeling is the same exact quality I feel with my best friends. I felt like we were special, a team, permanent brothers. No butterflies, no euphoria, no heart pounding. She wasnt a crush either. She was a borderline friend. girl #8 -- the third to ultimate crush of all time for me, a girl from college. She was actually into me but I came off weird so she didnt like me enough to pursue it. I tried to not be friends with her because I had a rule about not being friends with girls I liked. But she insisted and we became best friends. And as a result, I wound up loving her. AGAIN, as a best friend. A forever person. What we had felt perfect except for it missing the sexual action I wanted with her. No euphoria, no butterflies, no romantic desires for staring into her eyes or necking, etc. When she did drop me for her boyfriend it hurt like hell because my friend was severed from me. Its the same feeling I had when I lost other best friends. So, she wasnt a crush. She was a friend I loved. girl #9 -- a sex buddy after college that became a best friend. Turns out she was a psychopath and faking the whole thing, and later abandoned me. It was destroying. But once again, I never felt anything like euphoria, butterflies, or desires to do romantic type behaviors with her. It was great having her as a best friend I could have sex with, however short that lasted. So, she wasnt a crush. She was a friend I loved. There have been some other girls since then but few of them have given me feelings as strong as any of the girls on this list. So i feel this list establishes the evidence very well. Can anyone tell me how these girls have been different from how I describe my best friends / true friends??? Apart from the sexual and physical infatuation, I mean. I cant see it! I dont think I have ever had a real crush after all.
  7. Edit: this post is on people who think of themselves as aromantic and sexual, its not about aromantics in general. Also, I just use the term "arosexual" here for convenience and because it has a nice ring to it. I dont meant to suggest that anyone use that term to publicize knowledge about aromantic sexuality. Im not sure what the best terms would be. The concept itself is what I care about mostly. Others have said so frequently, and I agree, that there is a major visibility problem for aromantic sexuals (for convenience, arosexuals). Looking at youtube everything on the subject of aromanticism seems to be fused with the concept of asexuality in some way or another. There are are dozens or maybe hundreds of videos of aromantic / asexual people explaining the concept of aromanticism to the general public. Given this situation, it cant be a surprise that people dont even know that "arosexuals" exist, let alone dont understand it. I get the impression that a lot more people these days are at least willing to openly learn about asexuality, though Im just hazzarding that guess. I think for that reason that with more visibility on our own terms, arosexuality could easily become more acceptable and people would be open to learning about it when they meet us. Most people just dont understand things well that they dont experience themselves. I suspect that a lot of the time their prejudice and dismissal is less a matter of maliciousness, or contempt, and more due to an inability to relate and comprehend the idea of arosexuality. That produces a feeling of unease and confusion which leads to defensive reactions. What do you all think of the idea of making youtube videos to introduce ourselves and this idea to the world? There are only a few now, if we produced hundreds of more videos it could have a genuine impact on society.
  8. Oh woops, I was really tired. I had a sentence saying that we shouldnt actually DO that! I deleted about half the post before I actually posted it.
  9. So, I started identifying myself as aromantic to people over the last two days and it hasnt gone so well with one person, who is incidentally gay. Im still pissed off about the barely even tacit level of acceptance he gave me. It also didnt go so great with my mom, though better than with this guy, thankfully. I was reading some posts on here complaining about discrimination against aro, including from the lgbq+ people. If they are so sure that we do have these romantic feelings (give or take) that everyone is assumed to have, why dont we deny that THEY have these feelings themselves? Yeah thats passive aggressive I know, but it would be funny <<<EDIT: BUT SHOULDNT ACTUALLY DO THAT, ITS JUST A VENTING THOUGHT 😆 >>>.
  10. Thats what I did! But honestly it feels shitty doing it because you know you are faking it, bored, and resentful at having to do this. Maybe, but try getting a normie girl to have sex with you without kissing. For about 99% of them this is a prerequisite and if you dont do it they bounce.
  11. Okay, SO, I found this site literally last night when I couldnt sleep and was googling something else. What the hell! It all makes so much sense now. I always knew there was something "weird" and different about me when it comes to romantic feelings, or the lack thereof. But I thought it was due to my some other issues, like a phase I would grow out of, or because of my psychiatric/trauma issues. Now I see, that those issues aside, there is nothing wrong with me not having those romantic feelings the normies have. I am fine the way I am, I am simply aromantic. That is, I do have low grade romantic feelings but that is it. I cant feel nor do I want to feel the euphoric and over the top "being in love" feelings that other people crave. I like sex and have lots of kinks. But romance is totally different. What I feel towards certain girls (I am a straight guy) is something like infatuations. They appear very special and adorable to me, and I want them to be a "special friend" that I have sex with. I imagine us like a special pair or team with our own understanding of each other. But otherwise, however, I have no interest in dating them in the "normal way" or doing romantic things with them. No monogamy. I dont get jealous over who a girl sees or has sex with as long as I am her "special friend" that is more important AS HER FRIEND WITH BENEFITS. I dont like the boyfriend label and they few times I tried it out it felt awful. I broke up with a few girls right after we started just because of that, and avoiding any relationships with some others. I cant stand romantic stuff in general. No goopey stuff, no touching and caressing, no loving kisses, no staring into each others eyes, no shoulder grabbing or hand holding or holding each other by the waist. I definitely dont want their faces in my space or any kind of necking. It makes me want to vomit. No candles and wine. Mixing romantic feelings into sex is disgusting and ruins it! I could go on and on. NO stuff like that. I find PDA and romantic behaviors generally repulsive or I am at the best indifferent to them. When I see people doing this I have to turn away because of the sickening feelings I get, like a bad taste in my mouth. Man does it feel good to release the shame and guilt over feeling that way! I will introduce myself properly later on in this thread when I have more time or perhaps in another thread. Until then, thanks all for the awesome work and community! I cant believe it took me to my early 30s to figure this out. But I finally have and it feels so, so liberating! 😀
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