I remember in elementary school there was this one girl I would be extremely close to, I would talk to her about my messed up home life, fantasize about her, and would want her as a girlfriend then when we did become a couple first day I broke up with her because people on the playground said she was my girlfriend
In highschool I tried to have four romantic relationships and they all failed after two months because I never felt anything for my significant others except for lust and platonic interest and I only really tried to have romantic relationships because I wanted to be like my peers and I also subconsciously saw it at the time as gateway to happiness but then whenever I tried it felt suffocating and draining
i remember being in this one particular relationship where I remember wanting to break up with this girl but I didn’t want to make it seem like I used her so I planned to try to stay with her until I had to go to college but I couldn’t take it anymore and I broke up with her a month later