To people who have come out

[Keith]

Hi! So, just as the title says, this is directed towards people who have come out not only to themselves, but also to those around them - like friends, family and ect. I've been debating doing this for a very long time, and I just wanted to ask - how has it actually affected your life? Did anything change in the way you've been perceived? If yes, then what was it like? I mean, what changed? And was it for the worse, or for the better?

P.S. Please tell me if the question sounds too invasive, because that's not my intention!! I'm just genuinely curious, since it's something I've been considering for a while.

[Guest]

I've never told a family member,  but all of the friends that I've had didn't really care when I told them. It wasn't a big deal and the only negative ish aspect is the confusion may bring on invasive/rude questions, but I don't think anyone meant it with malicious intent. I don't think it was for the better or for the worse, and I would say it was easier to come out, bc it just clears the air on dating/sex stuff

Edited November 21, 2023 by Milly

[CatNap]

1 hour ago, Keith said:

Hi! So, just as the title says, this is directed towards people who have come out not only to themselves, but also to those around them - like friends, family and ect. I've been debating doing this for a very long time, and I just wanted to ask - how has it actually affected your life? Did anything change in the way you've been perceived? If yes, then what was it like? I mean, what changed? And was it for the worse, or for the better?

P.S. Please tell me if the question sounds too invasive, because that's not my intention!! I'm just genuinely curious, since it's something I've been considering for a while.

I've come out as asexual, and aromantic (at the time I thought I was greyromantic or something, and just wanted to avoid any confusion). It hasn't really affected me at all. The only thing that has changed is my parents expectations, and knowledge. They perceive me as myself, and someone who doesn't feel that way. it was freeing, and good for me. It's affected my life in a positive way. I'm free to be myself and of the idea that I'd ever feel that way. So it definitely was for the better.

[Oko]

I just said "I love to be single, I don't need relationships/sex in my life". Nobody believe me and they think I'm just "acting" and one time I'll meet a 'right man' and be happy with him (and live together, have sex, marry, have kids) ugh😑 Nothing changed. But I don't care. I'm happy the way I am and if somebody wants to wait something, okay...

[hemogoblin]

Mostly what's changed is that people understand me better. :)

[kira-]

It’s pretty much that now a few ppl will hint at in in certain jokes or references (like I was reading an AITA with some ppl and they gave me one abt dating on purpose) but other than that nothing really (I suppose I hvnt rly told many ppl tho)

[Neon]

I've now come out to pretty much everyone, and it's kind of a mixed bag. Coming out generally means I can be my full self around someone, without them unintentionally invalidating me. But as nice as most of my coming out experiences were, there were absolutely people who just cannot accept it. Those relationships have become strained because it feels like I need to dance around who I am even harder than before.

My advice is to be very deliberate in when, how, and with whom you come out to. Figure out their exact feelings on aspec people before coming out if it's an established relationship. Also, be ready for someone to accept aspec people without accepting you are aspec. And after you come out, there will probably be an adjustment period for a lot of people as they try to understand if there are new boundaries/taboo topics.

I don't want to scare you, like I said, coming out was almost always excellent for me. But there were points where I didn't think it all through and those really hurt.

[MondoBilby]

Nothing changed for me when I came out to my friends and family. It was my friends that suggested I might be aro in the first place, and my parents are perfectly accepting.

Aro behaviour runs through my family, most of my mum’s aunts and uncles never got married and my mum herself finds romance quite sickening sometimes. So my coming out probably wasn’t a big surprise to her.

Me and my mum and dad have reached an agreement that they won’t have any grandchildren from me, but rather grandcats. I’m gonna get them to babysit any future kittens I get lol.

Edited November 21, 2023 by MondoBilby

[opal]

9 hours ago, Keith said:

Hi! So, just as the title says, this is directed towards people who have come out not only to themselves, but also to those around them - like friends, family and ect. I've been debating doing this for a very long time, and I just wanted to ask - how has it actually affected your life? Did anything change in the way you've been perceived? If yes, then what was it like? I mean, what changed? And was it for the worse, or for the better?

P.S. Please tell me if the question sounds too invasive, because that's not my intention!! I'm just genuinely curious, since it's something I've been considering for a while.

Most of my queer friends accepted me, but I don't think the rest of them believed me. However, it didn't have a huge impact on my life. On the other hand, after I came out to my dad(around two years ago), who told me it was just a phase, it affected my mental health more because I felt like I needed his validation. It also scared me to tell my mother because I trusted my dad more and didn't know how she'd react. I still haven't told her and the thought of it makes me really anxious.  

Not to scare you but my advice is to be very calculated with who you come out to, unacceptance from the people you love most hurts the most. 

9 hours ago, Keith said:

P.S. Please tell me if the question sounds too invasive, because that's not my intention!! I'm just genuinely curious, since it's something I've been considering for a while.

Your question is completely valid and not invasive unless you start interrogating people about their personal lives (which you wouldn't obviously)

Good luck and hope this helped !!

[Rinpochard]

I've only come out to my closest friend, but I believe it still counts

She used to tease me about me liking certain boys at our school and even shipping me with them. When I came out, it stopped right away. I told her that I don't like it, and she listened to me, which was nice. So, for me it was definitely for the better.

[Collie]

I came out as gay, and it went pretty well. I have not come out as aroace, but it's not a secret.

I think one thing that helped for me is having built a support network for myself, people who would have my back no matter what happened.

[AroAcedragon15]

On 11/21/2023 at 7:26 AM, Keith said:

Hi! So, just as the title says, this is directed towards people who have come out not only to themselves, but also to those around them - like friends, family and ect. I've been debating doing this for a very long time, and I just wanted to ask - how has it actually affected your life? Did anything change in the way you've been perceived? If yes, then what was it like? I mean, what changed? And was it for the worse, or for the better?

P.S. Please tell me if the question sounds too invasive, because that's not my intention!! I'm just genuinely curious, since it's something I've been considering for a while.

I've come out to myself,many friends and my mom and brother. It's affected my life in a few ways. It was a journey at first but I don't regret it. I'm a LOT happier. It's taught me many lessons and shown me who i can trust. I think people perceive me differently but mostly because i'm more confident and talkative. When I came out to my mom I was angry at first. I was confused because you normally see people who are so happy but I wasn't at least not how i thought I would. I think I was so scared because it felt weird after keeping it private for so long to have someone so important know that. It felt almost frustrating. So if you come out don't be surprised I guess if you react differently than what you see in the media. It's an individual journey so it's unique to you. It's also helped me form more real and meaningful friendships. It's hard to make friends when you don't know who you are let alone the people around you. It's helped my mental health more than I can describe. There have been a few negative affects of coming out but nothing that hasn't stopped me from continuing to do it. Personally I've struggled with the anxiety of people outing me to others. I combat those thoughts by talking about it. If I'm worried about a certain friend telling someone I talk to them. It also doesn't hurt to remind others of your boundaries. Make sure you trust someone before coming out to them. Also if a friend makes you feel bad about your identity then don't be afraid to call them out. Trust me it will save a lot of hurt than if you just let it go. I can't guarantee what will happen if you come out but I can tell you that every struggle and every victory since coming out have been MORE than worth it. There have been many dark times but just as many lighter ones. If you ever need to talk or have any questions or even just want to rant don't hesitate to reach out and private message me on here.

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I have come out to several of my close friends who are all mainly queer, with the exception of me coming out to one allocishet friend, and only two of my family members (my siblings) know about my aroness.

After I came out to these select few people, I think they started to perceive me more in a light that I would've actually preferred for them to perceive me in; an individual who isn't touched by romance, can't experience romantic attraction, and basically someone who is unattainable. I know that last one sounds weird, but several of said friends have stated that after I came out, my aro identity kind of explained why they always felt as though nothing romantic could reach me, or "convince" me, or attract me (not that my friends have ever tried to get with me, they just felt that about other people trying to do that).

I feel like the only changes that have occurred over my coming out was my siblings having a better understanding of my adamant choice of being single, and my friends being mindful of how they talk about romance around me. I actually quite like romance, though! The genre and romance stories, and I even sometimes participate in romantic shipping. It's just the real life relationships my friends would end up being in that I couldn't fully relate to, nor be able to put forth any energy into trying to stay en-tuned to conversations around said relationships - so those talks were dialed back a bit, though not completely of course.