Where is the line between platonic and romantic love?

[CosmicCrow]

forgive me for my ignorance but i'm really new to the community. what exactly makes a feeling platonic or romantic? i would like to do some typically romantic things, but only with my close friends. i don't get that butterfly feeling about the idea, more of a warm blanket feeling. i'm still trying to figure out where i fall on the aro spectrum.

[Peggy]

This isn't going to be an answer that you'll like, but the truth is, there's no real solid line, and it's generally up for individual interpretation. Personally, I'm grayromantic and I've had like one or two crushes in my lifetime, and I would describe that sensation as 'I feel happy around them, I want to talk to them, and I think about having conversations with them,' but that's basically the same way I feel with my friends, or with people I have platonic crushes on, yet I can still (usually) tell the difference between those things.

I will say, though, that wanting to do 'typically romantic things' does NOT have to involve romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is just that -  a type of attraction. It does not dictate what you do or don't do, and the type of relationship that you have with someone should not determine the sorts of things you are 'allowed' to do with them. If you want to do 'typically romantic things' with your friends, don't let societal standards get in the way of that!

[hemogoblin]

The line is wherever you draw it! There is no objective, hard and fast line. What makes an action platonic or romantic or sexual or whatever else is the intent behind it and/or how the people involved decide to define it. Kissing, cuddling, hugging - all can be platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, and/or a combo of those things. It depends on the people and the circumstance.

What I can say is that for your typical allo, these lines are clear and distinct. They don't usually have to wonder if feelings are platonic or romantic. They just know. They feel that differently for them.

There's also a gray area for people who aren't sure or don't prescribe to there being a difference between these lines, and that's quoiromantic, which we consider a part of the aro spectrum since it's not what society expects of people.

[CosmicCrow]

11 hours ago, Peggy said:

This isn't going to be an answer that you'll like, but the truth is, there's no real solid line, and it's generally up for individual interpretation. Personally, I'm grayromantic and I've had like one or two crushes in my lifetime, and I would describe that sensation as 'I feel happy around them, I want to talk to them, and I think about having conversations with them,' but that's basically the same way I feel with my friends, or with people I have platonic crushes on, yet I can still (usually) tell the difference between those things.

I will say, though, that wanting to do 'typically romantic things' does NOT have to involve romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is just that -  a type of attraction. It does not dictate what you do or don't do, and the type of relationship that you have with someone should not determine the sorts of things you are 'allowed' to do with them. If you want to do 'typically romantic things' with your friends, don't let societal standards get in the way of that!

ah yeah, that is the answer i was kinda afraid of 😅

i'm glad wanting to do "romantic things" doesn't equate to attraction. as said i have these feelings over friends and i don't want to have those feelings for them.

10 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

The line is wherever you draw it! There is no objective, hard and fast line. What makes an action platonic or romantic or sexual or whatever else is the intent behind it and/or how the people involved decide to define it. Kissing, cuddling, hugging - all can be platonic, romantic, queerplatonic, sexual, and/or a combo of those things. It depends on the people and the circumstance.

What I can say is that for your typical allo, these lines are clear and distinct. They don't usually have to wonder if feelings are platonic or romantic. They just know. They feel that differently for them.

There's also a gray area for people who aren't sure or don't prescribe to there being a difference between these lines, and that's quoiromantic, which we consider a part of the aro spectrum since it's not what society expects of people.

oof, i guess i draw it at platonic? for a while i was dating but it never felt right, either we weren't close enough or i never went on romantic dates for whatever reason.

okay, that kinda answers my question then. i've been agonizing a bit over whether i feel it or not and knowing allos usually know puts me at ease a bit.

quoiromantic sounds kinda like a fit. i don't know if feelings are romantic, but i kinda just want all my friends to live in one neighborhood so we can all be together. i'll look more into it, i've only really seen shorter descriptions that don't go into as much detail.

[alto]

I personally draw the line at lip kissing.  If lip kissing is involved, it's romantic.  If not, it's platonic.

[hemogoblin]

5 hours ago, CosmicCrow said:

oof, i guess i draw it at platonic? for a while i was dating but it never felt right, either we weren't close enough or i never went on romantic dates for whatever reason.

Valid!

[CosmicCrow]

21 hours ago, alto said:

I personally draw the line at lip kissing.  If lip kissing is involved, it's romantic.  If not, it's platonic.

I understand that. For me a quick peck isn't inherently romantic, but I'd rather not do more than that. Luckily my friends understand that but other people I might be friends with in the future might not understand that and get the wrong idea (of course I don't do it unless they're chill with it).

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

On 11/13/2023 at 2:05 PM, alto said:

I personally draw the line at lip kissing.  If lip kissing is involved, it's romantic.  If not, it's platonic.

What if it’s lip kissing in a sexual but non-romantic way?

[The Aro Mando Echo]

Or just not kissing at all  👈 😎👈 (finger guns)

 

[Holmbo]

On 11/15/2023 at 1:52 AM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

What if it’s lip kissing in a sexual but non-romantic way?

Yeah maybe they are sex friends

[DeltaAro]

On 11/14/2023 at 5:14 PM, CosmicCrow said:

I understand that. For me a quick peck isn't inherently romantic, but I'd rather not do more than that. Luckily my friends understand that but other people I might be friends with in the future might not understand that and get the wrong idea (of course I don't do it unless they're chill with it).

Lip kissing with merely friendly intention - while rare and a bit frowned upon - does happen.

Long, passionate lip kissing really feels like either romantic or sexual to me. Open mouth more sexual.

I wonder how we in general should deal with vagueness. Of course, the distinction between platonic and romantic is vague. But I'm not so sure if "You decide then!!" is such a good solution. I fear that with too much deconstruction and subjectivity, everything just loses meaning in the end.

Though we don't precisely know where blue ends and green begins, we wouldn't call the following green, right:

Edited November 16, 2023 by DeltaAro

[CosmicCrow]

32 minutes ago, Holmbo said:

Yeah maybe they are sex friends

No sex friends for me, thank you!

7 minutes ago, DeltaAro said:

Lip kissing with merely friendly intention - while rare and a bit frowned upon - does happen.

Long, passionate lip kissing really feels like either romantic or sexual to me. Open mouth more sexual.

I wonder how we in general should deal with vagueness. Of course, the distinction between platonic and romantic is vague. But I'm not so sure if "You decide then!!" is such a good solution. I fear that with too much deconstruction and subjectivity, everything just loses meaning in the end.

Though we don't precisely know where blue ends and green begins, we wouldn't call the following green, right:

Oh yeah, a lot of stuff with this is very vague.

That's also a good comparison with the colors. The line isn't distinct but we just know.