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Me trying to find the AroAllo Representation


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I think the only (official) representation I've seen is Jess in Loveless, and even if it is rude for me to say it, she is kinda the character equivalent of the little sentence that says "by the way aroallos exist" in every article : great she's there but you learn nothing about her experiences. It was a bit disappointed cause I tried to learn more about aroallo experiences but it's hard to find.

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How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series? 

 

Not every form of media wants to depict sexually explicit scenes, so I’m wondering how it would be depicted? How would asexuality and sexual attraction be explained to younger audiences (I don’t necessarily mean kids, could be pre-teens or teens). 

 

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

 

(I don’t mean to offend anyone, by those statements, of course).

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55 minutes ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series?

It can be simply mentioned that a character is alloaro. It's not needed for them to have sex on screen. I'll give you a different example. It was revealed that Orochimaru is nonbinary, we didn't see them having struggles about trying to get who are they. It was just a random situation when their son asked: "where should I write your name? As a mother or a father?"

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1 hour ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series? 

 

Not every form of media wants to depict sexually explicit scenes, so I’m wondering how it would be depicted? How would asexuality and sexual attraction be explained to younger audiences (I don’t necessarily mean kids, could be pre-teens or teens). 

 

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

 

(I don’t mean to offend anyone, by those statements, of course).

Sex education has a scene where they explained asexuality, it was very esay tto do actually, the sex therapist explained to the girl what asexuality is. I always thought it was disapppointed that the show didn't have an alloaro character, even for one episode, it could easily fit in.

Now I suppose you didn't watch Sex education cause this show loves sex scenes lol. I mean that's not a sex scene, but season 3 finale will never leave my mind (not necessarily in a bad way but that song, that went crazy).

 

Also I think it is even more important tto have this targeted to a not adult audiences, so alloaro teens cab see themselves and understand better what they feel. Alloaros will correct me if they want but I always thought it must be confusing for them, in particular when sex without romance is so condemned.

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29 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

Also I think it is even more important tto have this targeted to a not adult audiences, so alloaro teens cab see themselves and understand better what they feel. Alloaros will correct me if they want but I always thought it must be confusing for them, in particular when sex without romance is so condemned.

As a freshman in high school I have to say this is extremely true

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On 11/29/2022 at 10:03 AM, Storm_leopardcat said:

How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series?

Maybe just by mentioning that they're aroallo, and explaining what that is, and then never having the character get into a romantic relationship. And maybe the character then gets into a QPR, and the show explains what that is

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9 hours ago, AromanticAardvark said:

And maybe the character then gets into a QPR, and the show explains what that is

I would love to see a QPR in a tv show! And I agree, it would probably also be a great way to have allo aro representation. 

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On 11/29/2022 at 10:03 AM, Storm_leopardcat said:

How would aroallos be depicted, especially in movies/series which aren’t for adults, maybe teen or children novels/movies/series? 

 

Not every form of media wants to depict sexually explicit scenes, so I’m wondering how it would be depicted? How would asexuality and sexual attraction be explained to younger audiences (I don’t necessarily mean kids, could be pre-teens or teens). 

 

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

 

(I don’t mean to offend anyone, by those statements, of course).

sex doesn't have to be shown.  i generally agree that modern tv could lay off with that a bit.  (i'll refrain from delivering my "i love old movies and shows" rant here.)  but if you're old enough to know sex exists, you're old enough to know that people with various sexual and romantic orientations exist.  you wouldn't consider the idea of a portrayal of a gay or bi character inappropriate or dirty, any more than a straight one, and it doesn't become that when they're also aromantic.  that's exactly the view of allo aros we want to discourage.  i'm sure you've seen depictions of sexual attraction (including non-romantic) without explicit sex scenes.  so take that and add a clear demonstration of aromanticism.  in fact, in a way it's beneficial to show that attraction doesn't equal action--you don't only become [whatever sexual orientation] when you have sex with [applicable gender(s)].  but of course to completely avoid any acknowledgement that people do have sex isn't the way to go either.

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Thank you, @whatistheromance, for creating this post and introducing us to that painstakingly realistic and relatable meme! 
Also, I am pleasantly surprised to see so many responses to my question(s), and having to deal with my answering and explaining them! I appreciate, and thank you to all!
@Jigen, @nonmerci, @AromanticAardvark, @EternallyTDB, @aro_elise, and whatistheromance, as well!

 

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34 minutes ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

Well, I'm not sure I can say that I have! What are some examples of movies, tv-series or novels where they've shown this (let me guess, Turning Red (2022)?

like, almost every piece of fiction media not specifically for young children.  not knowing where to begin with modern stuff, i can think of examples in 100-year-old novels (fitzgerald, hemingway, huxley, camus, kerouac), 75-year-old movies (even if i try to narrow it down to the most overt examples in the most famous films there are too many to list but i'll name 'peyton place' because it has a character i clearly identified as allo aro), and 50-year-old sitcoms (with examples in more episodes than not: the bob newhart show, the mary tyler moore show, the partridge family).  this is just coming from one person with one approximate decade of consumption of adult/teen media.  characters making comments about people being hot, checking them out, flirting, references to sex....  i must say i'm surprised; i thought aces were more acutely aware of the ubiquity of sexuality in media (as i am of romance).  

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2 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said:

Well, I'm not sure I can say that I have! What are some examples of movies, tv-series or novels where they've shown this (let me guess, Turning Red (2022)?

okay I think one of the first important thinks I thought would be understood by the aspec communities is, that attraction and action are NOT the same thing. If aces can have sex (action) without feeling sexual attraction, than surely allosexuals can feel sexual attraction without having sex (action). and if this is possible in real live (and it is lol) it can also be shown in media/movies.

also, as most people are not really aware of asexuality, most people would assume that a character is allosexual until proven otherwise (which would only happen with EXPLICIT asexual representation, which we have very rarely)

actually most movies/tv-shows have no to very few explicit sex scenes (it surely gets more in movies for adults) and I'll still say that in most movies I see that persons are sexually attracted to others. If it's not shown in sex scenes it's shown in looks, in words (how characters talk about an other character), in little touches ... sometimes it may be mistaken for aesthetic attraction, but as allos don't talk about aesthetic attraction and aren't really aware of it I do think we can be kinda sure that it's almost never aesthetic attraction

I mean, it's the same in "real life": it's possible to notice that people are sexually attracted to each other even without seeing them having sex lol

but as I know that many asexuals say that they thought "sexual attraction has to be a lie" it could be that it's hard for you to recognize it if it's not mentioned explicitly in case you are in difficulty to recognize something as sexual

On 11/29/2022 at 4:03 PM, Storm_leopardcat said:

I, personally, would rather prefer if movies/books had no sexually explicit scenes. Maybe if you want to show it, it could be implied. 

Also, if (some) alloaro representation would include sex, that would be totally fine, even if you would not like to see it. maybe you are just not the target group then. But that you would not like to see those movies doesn't mean that alloaros don't have the right to have this form of representation, does it? I mean, movies about different sexual orientations have been both, with and without sex scenes, why should this change when a character is aromantic? the character is still allosexual and has a sexual orientation that needs to be shown. If you try to show sexual attraction in a very subtile way there is always the risk the character can be mistaken as a aroace character. I'm kinda sure that even with hints that the character is allosexual but you are clear about the character being aromantic people would assume the character to be ace, because most people don't separate asexuality from aromanticism

and, yeah, we have very few explicit acearo representation (to be honest I can't think of any right now), but I don't think there is any explicit alloaro. It's very important to have bove. Also, I do believe that having alloaro represantation would be helpful for the whole aromantic community, also for acespec aros, as it would help to make people clear that aromanticism and asexuality are two different things and that romantic and sexual attraction can be splitted (which would also help lots of allos I guess)

I myself don't really care for sex scenes, but I think it would be very important to have a character which shows actively interest in sex(ual relationships) but not in romance WITHOUT picturing this character as heartless or abusive.

like, please, do not create another Voldemort as alloaro representation lol

 

 

Edited by Acecream
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1 hour ago, aro_elise said:

like, almost every piece of fiction media not specifically for young children.  not knowing where to begin with modern stuff, i can think of examples in 100-year-old novels (fitzgerald, hemingway, huxley, camus, kerouac), 75-year-old movies (even if i try to narrow it down to the most overt examples in the most famous films there are too many to list but i'll name 'peyton place' because it has a character i clearly identified as allo aro), and 50-year-old sitcoms (with examples in more episodes than not: the bob newhart show, the mary tyler moore show, the partridge family).  this is just coming from one person with one approximate decade of consumption of adult/teen media.  characters making comments about people being hot, checking them out, flirting, references to sex....  i must say i'm surprised; i thought aces were more acutely aware of the ubiquity of sexuality in media (as i am of romance).  

I agree. It might simply be due to cultural differences, and the fact that we both consume different types of media. And genres. I do not watch TV shows or tv series. I also have not read a lot of novels, either. I usually don't watch movies of the romance genre, and tend to avoid movies where romance is a major part of the plot, kind of. And I can't think of the last time I watched a movie where a character flirted, checked someone out, or made references to sex in that sense.

1 hour ago, aro_elise said:

like, almost every piece of fiction media not specifically for young children.  not knowing where to begin with modern stuff, i can think of examples in 100-year-old novels (fitzgerald, hemingway, huxley, camus, kerouac), 75-year-old movies (even if i try to narrow it down to the most overt examples in the most famous films there are too many to list but i'll name 'peyton place' because it has a character i clearly identified as allo aro), and 50-year-old sitcoms (with examples in more episodes than not: the bob newhart show, the mary tyler moore show, the partridge family).  this is just coming from one person with one approximate decade of consumption of adult/teen media.  characters making comments about people being hot, checking them out, flirting, references to sex....  i must say i'm surprised; i thought aces were more acutely aware of the ubiquity of sexuality in media (as i am of romance).  

I appreciate your response, you have made some excellent points, and I agree with this message of yours.

5 minutes ago, Acecream said:

okay I think one of the first important thinks I thought would be understood by the aspec communities is, that attraction and action are NOT the same thing. If aces can have sex (action) without feeling sexual attraction, than surely allosexuals can feel sexual attraction without having sex (action). and if this is possible in real live (and it is lol) it can also be shown in media/movies.

also, as most people are not really aware of asexuality, most people would assume that a character is allosexual until proven otherwise (which would only happen with EXPLICIT asexual representation, which we have very rarely)

actually most movies/tv-shows have no to very few explicit sex scenes (it surely gets more in movies for adults) and I'll still say that in most movies I see that persons are sexually attracted to others. If it's not shown in sex scenes it's shown in looks, in words (how characters talk about an other character), in little touches ... sometimes it may be mistaken for aesthetic attraction, but as allos don't talk about aesthetic attraction and aren't really aware of it I do think we can be kinda sure that it's almost never aesthetic attraction

I mean, it's the same in "real life": it's possible to notice that people are sexually attracted to each other even without seeing them having sex lol

but as I know that many asexuals say that they thought "sexual attraction has to be a lie" it could be that it's hard for you to recognize it if it's not mentioned explicitly in case you are in difficulty to recognize something as sexual

Ah, good point, yes, attractions do not equal actions, and vice versa!

hmm, yes, people would assume they are allosexual unless otherwise mentioned.
Yes, I can definitely tell some people experience sexual attraction without them even mentioning sex.
I suppose that last point might be a valid reason as to why my mindset is this way.

8 minutes ago, Acecream said:

Also, if (some) alloaro representation would include sex, that would be totally fine, even if you would not like to see it. maybe you are just not the target group then. But that you would not like to see those movies doesn't mean that alloaros don't have the right to have this form of representation, does it? I mean, movies about different sexual orientations have been both, with and without sex scenes, why should this change when a character is aromantic? the character is still allosexual and has a sexual orientation that needs to be shown. If you try to show sexual attraction in a very subtile way there is always the risk the character can be mistaken as a aroace character. I'm kinda sure that even with hints that the character is allosexual but you are clear about the character being aromantic people would assume the character to be ace, because most people don't separate asexuality from aromanticism

and, yeah, we have very few explicit acearo representation (to be honest I can't think of any right now), but I don't think there is any explicit alloaro. It's very important to have bove. Also, I do believe that having alloaro represantation would be helpful for the whole aromantic community, also for acespec aros, as it would help to make people clear that aromanticism and asexuality are two different things and that romantic and sexual attraction can be splitted (which would also help lots of allos I guess)

I myself don't really care for sex scenes, but I think it would be very important to have a character which shows actively interest in sex(ual relationships) but not in romance WITHOUT picturing this character as heartless or abusive.

like, please, do not create another Voldemort as alloaro representation lol

Ah, for the first point, it is due to religious reasons, as well as cultural and personal reasons. I honestly cannot and would not control the depictions of certain topics in media. 

Yes, it is absolutely important to have aromantic allosexual representation and characters in media. So is alloromantic and asexual representation and characters.
It would definitely help gain more awareness of aromanticism and asexuality being different things and help people understand it more!

No, I certainly won't do another Voldemort is aromantic allosexual thing, please, xD.

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@Storm_leopardcat thank you too for mentioning also a very important point: that we all have different cultural/religious/social background and therefore see and experience things differently!

there can be more than one truth at the same time! I think we all agree on the important point; that alloaro representation is needed :)

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It's really not that complicated. All my friends know I'm allo aro, does that mean I had sex in front of them in order to convey this? No. I said "Oh, I'm aromantic and bisexual," and they said "Oh, ok." I walk around with an aro pin and a bi pin on my backpack all the time. I think if someone's unable to convey that a character is allo aro without including a sex scene, it just means they're a shit writer who doesn't care enough about the people they're trying to represent to spend so much as five minutes thinking about how they might live.

Also I agree that allo aros do deserve to have sex scenes in media that aren't all about, like, how a character is an evil manipulator or something. If alloromantics can have them, why can't we? Obviously media meant for kids is a different issue, but for adult media... Showing two characters having a healthy and respectful non-romantic sexual relationship would honestly do a lot for breaking down stereotypes about allo aros. We're not evil, we're not aliens or robots, we're not just "insecure" or "late bloomers", we're regular people who just aren't interested in romance. And, yes, for many of us, we also have sex. There's nothing wrong with that.

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On 11/27/2022 at 8:01 AM, whatistheromance said:

image.png.ae1d22e3b1f1e0fb6c9f6284ee8fc088.png

WHERE IS IT DANGIT

Reminds me of those looted post-apocalyptic supermarkets.

Where there's always something that remains. Like shrimp-flavored waffles or pumpkin latte hummus.

So if you look hard enough, you probably come across a nice canned unoped aroallo representation (expiry 1/1/2013).

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someone good in recognizing old Italian movies (from the 80s I think)? I just remembered one movie in which I read one character as alloaro

but it's not mentioned and I think it's most likely that the character is not meant to be aromantic, as the movie is partly about him getting in different romantic relationships, but seriously, the way he dealt with all the possible relationships and his confusion about romance* made everything in my head scream YOU ARE SO AROOOO and I loved it. the persons I watched it with didn't get any aromantic hints (as far as I can tell they are alloromantic and don't know a lot about aromanticism so this does not mean anything) but it was kinda exciting for me to watch it and to read a character as aro when I didn't expected it at all...

I'm trying to remember which movie it was... also, I really liked it after I started to read the character as aro so I would like to see it again

 

*like he was getting a phonecall from a girl who was kinda asking him "do you want to be my boyfriend" and he said "well yes why not" and then hung up the phone and went back to help in the kitchen and in a later scene he got another phonecall from his girlfriend who told him she is breaking up because she is not getting the attention she wants/deserves and he was like "oh okay well then.." and hung up and a friend was really concerned around him and was trying to help him to get over the breakup and he was just like "well am I supposed to be hurt or to feel sad or something?" and he just didn't care about anything and just said yes to things bc he felt like this is how it works and that he kinda is expected to??

in the end the character is also married but still, it did seem like he didn't understand what romantic attraction is and just married because that was "the way to go"

 

I remember that watching the movie I partly thought "oh maybe he is meant to be sectretely gay" but tio me it seemed as if he clearly was (at least partially) sexually attracted by women sooo...

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