Quotes Thread

[roboticanary]

'When two people kiss they make one long tube with an arsehole at each end'

[SkyTuneRein]

"Ew." - Crowley, Supernatural

[ProbablyHuman]

"As an ice cube, I cannot fully understand the concept of a doorbell, but I can offer my knowledge on Russian poetry." -ChatGPT

[AromanticAardvark]

"I think you're getting mixed up between a hotel and Ant-Man." -My dad

[queer_kaleidoscope]

"Don't spit on the grass or you'll wet the dog's ass." -My sister

Edited February 21 by queer_kaleidoscope

[ProbablyHuman]

"Look Gordon, ropes! We can use these to- HELP ME GORDON"

[ProbablyHuman]

"It is with a heavy heart I must reject her from the Keyboard Smasher Lesbians club"

[Ravensplat]

Some gems from the quote book of a cyber course I went on Last Summer: (// Means new person speaking) [Also we created a bread religion so yeah]

 

‘If you watch Mamma Mia, you’ll be sat on the bathroom floor, rocking back and forth going ‘here we go again’’. - Bread Church Assistant 2

‘This is not what I expected Gold Cyber to be like.’ // ‘Me neither… did we selected the ‘reject’ pile by mistake?’ -Bread Church Assistant 1 // Main Staff Member 

‘Not exactly what I expected to be doing, sitting in a doorway eating bread.’ - Breach Church Assistant 1

Disaster struck, so I sent you this loaf of wholemeal bread’ -Bread Pope

How big is your loaf? Oh wait. Better not make this the Catholic Bread Church.’ - Bread Pope 

‘I Hovis, Which Art In Heaven, Hallowed By Thy Wholewheat… Hold on… give us this day… OUR DAILY BREAD!’ - Bread Minister

Place thy skirt on the handle and kneel. Shit. Gone catholic again.’ - Bread Church Assistant 2

‘I wish I was gay. Honestly, I do!’ - Bread Church Assistant 2

‘I have travelled for many moons to bring you a vestibule containing a quantity of gluten free hobnobs. Unfortunately, in my position as the Bread Pope, I cannot gift you such a blasphemous foodstuff, so I have had to sacrifice most of the biccies to the Bread Gods.' - Bread Pope

 

And on final one from the main Staff Member looking After us on the last dat

‘Thank you for this…………… experience.’

[roboticanary]

'I can't help thinking that science would be more appealing if it had no practical use' - Claude Levi-Strauss

'Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest' - Isaac Asimov

'Have you ever read a Michael Crichton novel, or seen one of his movies, in which the hubristic scientist actually paused and declared: "Hey, science shouldn't be done in shadows. If I keep this new thing secret I'll probably do something gruesomely stupid. But if I discuss this innovation with hundreds of peers, some of them will catch my mistakes and things won't get out of hand. Nobody will die.' - David Brin

'Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.' - Rick Cook

[SkyTuneRein]

"Then he'd chop me into pieces and play Frisbee with my brain
And let me tell ya, Junior, you never heard me complain" - Weird Al

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" - Roger Taylor (Unrelated to the above)

Edited March 6 by SkyTuneRein

[Keith]

"I'll never show you my tears. These are the tears of those who died with regrets. If there's a way to take away these regrets, I'll make sure I'll find it. If it's fear that you speak of, then I'll stand and face it. I'll never give up. The only time I lose is when I die!" - Black Star, Soul Eater.

"I bet dead people are easier to get along with." - Crona Gorgon, Soul Eater. 

"Do you know where hell is? Inside your head." - Crona Gorgon, Soul Eater.

"The fear of interacting with people...even I understand that one." - Soul Evans, Soul Eater.

"It's not that you don't know how to interact with people. It's just that no one ever came to interact with you." - Maka Albarn, Soul Eater.

"'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned. Everything you lose is a step you take, so make the friendship bracelets! Take the moment and taste it! You've got no reason to be afraid. You're on your own, kid. Yeah, you can face this. You're on your own, kid. You always have been." - You're On Your Own Kid, Taylor Swift.

 

Edited March 6 by Keith

[Mask3D_WOLF]

On 1/5/2023 at 6:42 PM, roboticanary said:

'Good evening, Madam and Gentlemen. I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body?'

from Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy

Heck yeah, from the restaurant at the end of the universe?

[Harvest]

'alright, I will name 3 italian pastas, number 1: tortillas'

-me, even with the context its still funny

[dragons_and_cake]

Some of my favorite quotes from the entire Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series (warning, there's a lot):

Spoiler

“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

“You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen.”

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

“Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist,'" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.”

"If I asked you where the hell we were," said Arthur weakly, "would I regret it?"
Ford stood up. "We're safe," he said.
"Oh good," said Arthur.
"We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet."
"Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."

"Excuse me," he said, "I'm trying desperately to remember which drug I've just taken, but it must be one of those ones which mean you can't remember."

"There was a terrible ghastly silence.
There was a terrible ghastly noise.
There was a terrible ghastly silence."

"Ford," he said, "you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

"The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. "Make it evil," he'd been told. "Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with."

"I won't disturb you with the details because they would—"
"What?"
"Disturb you. But you may be interested to know that I am singlehandedly responsible for the evolved shape of the animal you came to know in later centuries as a giraffe."

"He was staring at the instruments with the air of one who is trying to convert Fahrenheit to centigrade in his head while his house is burning down."

"My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber," Ford muttered to himself, "and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."

"He poured a drink down his other throat with the plan that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a sing as well.
He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that, so he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support."

"The moon was out in a watery way. It looked like a ball of paper from the back pocket of jeans that have just come out of the washing machine, which only time and ironing would tell if it was an old shopping list or a five pound note."

"He paused and maneuvered his thoughts. It was like watching oil tankers doing three-point turns in the English Channel."

[Harvest]

Quoting from Hitchhikers is practically cheating lol, that book is brilliant!

[Ammy]

"Remember where we parked"