roboticanary Posted August 27, 2023 Share Posted August 27, 2023 Quotes from a former workplace: 'hang on, you're talking about the real problem, not the one we made up' 'I'm fed up with HR. I want the badger resources department instead' 'The length of it is a bit of a problem' 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atypique Posted August 28, 2023 Share Posted August 28, 2023 The 1st one is absolutely great 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeltaAro Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 On 3/6/2023 at 10:18 PM, Keith said: "I bet dead people are easier to get along with." - Crona Gorgon, Soul Eater. "Do you know where hell is? Inside your head." - Crona Gorgon, Soul Eater. Crona ftw, they're just wise & realistic about things! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smac n cheese Posted January 4 Share Posted January 4 "Bye smac n cheese! Wait, you're not smac n cheese. Where is smac n cheese? Oh, she's over there. *bursts out laughing*- my friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboticanary Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 'You know what that makes you' Entire table in unison: 'OLD' -‐--------------------------------- This gets said a lot at a board games group I go to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
organs and bone Posted February 10 Share Posted February 10 hmm a sad one “We lit a flame just to watch it burn Have we lost our roots, our ties to the earth? What I have seen has made me believe That we've buried ourself in paperwork Instead of planting trees” “We buried ourself in paperwork Instead of planting trees Buried ourselves in paperwork Instead of planting seeds We buried ourself in paperwork Instead of bein' free” fish in a birdcage global warming annnhhh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smac n cheese Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 On 1/29/2024 at 4:31 PM, roboticanary said: 'You know what that makes you' Entire table in unison: 'OLD' -‐--------------------------------- This gets said a lot at a board games group I go to. why does this remind me so much of my friend group???????? "If ____________, that would just MAAAAAAKE MYYYYY DAAAAY"- my friends 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 I collect quotes from lesser known places soo... "Well jeez Mr. Happy, who peed in your water bottle today?" (lol) "You guys argue like you've been married for 40 years." (said that to 2 of my classmates lol) "Remember this thing? *pulls out an arbitrary object from pocket*" (been there, done that) "Oh mah god! Its a deformed child from Alabama!" (you know this one, @organs and bone) "Oh naw mate, *pull out the finger gun* you aint getting another cookie." (said 8yo to 5yo) "Are you dead yet?" (one of my own) "How to eat, in 7 easy steps!" (hehe) "Teach a man to physics, he'll eat the exam" (reasonable ig) "Oh, I'm sorry, may I kindly shove this knife into your vital organs?" (polite criminals be like) "[person] has died of being [person]" (anyone around u hurt themselves? [insert this quote]) "Oh, but whoever said I was human?" (i use 'oh' to much) "By the divine rule of [stuffed animal], STOP FREAKIN DYING!" (belive it or not, the number of times i have used this is more than 1) "Marry me! For tax purposes of course." (aros that want marriage benefits, this is for u) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 An additional few: "Oh, them? They are the birds. Like really though, its the only thing they ever say. Bird." "OHHHHHHHHHH i get it now. you exist. ok! thanks!" "You are either with us, or against us. Worship the stuffed animals, or go rot in the dungeons." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smac n cheese Posted February 25 Share Posted February 25 All from my friends: " I believe in AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" "🎶we wish you a merry gravestone, we wish you a merry gravestone, we wish you a merry gravestone and a happy deathday🎶 -I MEAN NEW YEAR" "SHE'S STEALING MY PARENTS" "It looks terrible... oh I like it!" “Hello Claudia’s Sister, we would like to inform you that we do, in fact, know that you are a tractor. THE GIG IS UP, CLAUDIA’S SISTER. Sincerely, Lumber." "For the record I choose option five I don't want to get hit by a spoon" "Bully [friend], he's the orange one!" "GONDOLA CAT" "#isthatyourcousin?" “I WAS HELPING MI GRANDMOTHER WITH SOMETHING. I NO FAIL!” “I found 38 assorted ribs.” “You know what? I'm gonna stop floating.” "You were the one that decided fan clubs attack people" “Yeah, I-I just got swept by bread…” “I'm bored… and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!” “I love political pigs.” “Hmmmm… I wonder why no one’s online at (checks watch) 11:05 PM?” “We are gathered here today in memory of our beloved seasoning.” “LET ME DO MY WORK WHILE BRAINSTORMING STORY IDEAS WHILE BINGING NARUTO WHILE EATING SOUP WHILE WRITING A DND CAMPAIGN IN PEACE!” “I will get eaten in about 3 hours flat.” “I’LL BLACKMAIL MYSELF IF YOU STOP!” “I love eating bees!” "get BACK here or I WILL season the birds" "I'm west of you, at 41.878002 latitude, -93.097702 longitude, in Iowa" "funhundred" "I GOT OFFERED TO JIMOTHY'S PRESCHOOL!" my entire friend group at once: "Ohhhhhhhhhh, Jimothy" yeah my friends are a strange bunch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted February 26 Share Posted February 26 (edited) Man, my neighbor flipped off a bunny for shaking its butt at them, and then another one of my neighbor got inspired and flipped off a squirrel for not shaking its butt at them. And they're all 8. (My neighbors, not the animals lol) This is a quote thread. Ok. "Are y'all sleeping already? Its still 11:00 PM." "Are y'all still sleeping? Its already 5:00 AM." "*peers over the side of the bed* Hey. Hey there. Wake up, its 7." "SIR, you goin' too vroom vroom." "THAT ISN'T A BAG OF DORITOS YOU DOOFUS, IT'S A CONTAINER OF SALT!" "yo, ya got stupid maths for me?" "Trigonometry triggers me" "Uhm, I will tell you, that's not how you use a knife." "HEY, STOP FLIPPIN' CHICKEN KILLING PEOPLE!" "Oh mah gosh, why would you draw a chicken ice cream with chocolate milk and cheese?" Edited February 26 by N1GHTM4R3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smac n cheese Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 Interaction between my friends: Friend #1: "Violence isn't the answer" Friend #2: "You're right" Friend #1: *sighs in relief* Friend #2: "Violence is the question" Friend #1: "What?" Friend #2, bolting away: "And the answer is yes" Friend #1, running after them: "NO-" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) I'm not like other girls: I know how to kill you and make it look like an accident and pretend to mourn at your funeral so that no one suspects a thing :) (here's a 'song' by my music teacher) happy birthday, happy birthday, one year older and closer to death. happy birthday, happy birthday, gloom and misery and despair. happy birthday, happy birthday. Would a cannibal eat the small intestines as noodles? And to top it all off, heres a day in the life of me: Friend 1: GIMME CHUBBS (a spherical shaped panda)! Me: NO, GO AWAY HUMAN! Friend 1: WRONG SPECIES! Me: Ok, sorry, GO AWAY CHICKEN! Friend 1: Ok better, ima go find [Friend 2]. Me: WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO GET INTO ARMS REACH OF [Friend 2]!? Friend 3: EXACTLY! [Friend 2] Is crazy! Friend 1: REALLY!? Me: HOW IS THIS NEWS TO YOU? Friend 2: Hey sup, life's great. Me: Correction, Life is great until you meet [Friend 2]. Friend 2: ...True that. Friend 4: And that's why [Friend 2] will never have a girlfriend. Friend 5: Facts on three! One, two, three: faaaacts. Me: Hey, [Friend 6] whatcha doin? Friend 4: [Me] IS SOCIALIZING WITH SOMEONE THAT ISNT ALREADY IN OUT FRIEND GROUP!? Me: My life doesn't start and stop for you, idiot. Friend 5: WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE! Friend 3: GO AWAY, PRINCESS! (friend 5 is a boy btw) Friend 5: Fu¢k off! Friend 3: What's [Friend 7] doing? Me: You kay? Friend 7: Me cold potato. Me: Okay then. (it is at this point in time, that I want to hug the poor guy, but then again, society) Friend 4: Man, don't you just love abusive parents? (sarcasm) Me: (breaks the fourth wall) Remember kids... the next time someone says that your family would never hurt you... OH YES THEY WOULD Friend 1: NOW GIMME CHUBBS! Me: SHUT UP. Edited March 19 by N1GHTM4R3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted March 19 Share Posted March 19 (edited) "What makes you think you know more about you than we know about you?" - Me Edited March 19 by N1GHTM4R3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smac n cheese Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 (edited) text conversation w/ me and my friend: Me: *sends a gif of the Aflac duck* Friend: GOOSE Me: duck Friend: GOOSE Me: duck you Friend: ooh you wanna duck me Me: bro I'm ace I want to garlic bread you Friend: rofl Me: no seriously Friend: still laughing Me: TAKE THAT YOU MOTHERDUCKER Me: *sends a gif of a frog surrounded by garlic bread that says "I Like Garlic Brad"* Friend: i like garlic bread too Me: NO Friend: 😁 Me: GARLIC BRAD Friend: oh Friend: i like garlic BRAD too Me: me too Friend: 😁 Me: I'm dating garlic brad (for context I'm aego so I can date garlic brads in my imagination lol) Friend: 💀 Me: what? Me: she's cool >:( Me: also she's a bread frog HELP WHY IS IT RED Edited March 29 by smac n cheese Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 Its red because you made it that way. Me: "Pick a number 1-100." Friend: "37" Me: "thirty-seven.org" Friend: "What?" Me: "That's exactly what I thought you would pick." Me: "With great power comes great electricity bill." Friend: "Watt great advice." Me: "The universe will take your attempts to make something idiot-proof as a personal insult and will in turn make a better idiot." thirty-seven.org is a real thing btw 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboticanary Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 'unfortunately the robot did not know it was on fire' 'a report from the saxplayer's alliance' <random brass instrument noises> 'Boris Johnson for president' 'I'm not sure I want nuclear physics to be sexy' 'explosions are safe, they only explode when they explode' 'the trouble with electrons is that they are very small' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 (edited) Me: "How to eat, in a few easy steps! (Presented by two homo sapiens)" Me: "First, ask your self this question: Do I want to eat, or do I want to complain about the universe? If the answer is eat, then keep following these steps. If the answer is complain about the universe, well, find something to complain about." Friend: "Step 2, find a place to eat. Are you lying face down in the middle of sidewalk? Well, if you are, well, first of all, WHY?!, and second, get up and find a place to sit, like a chair." Friend: "Next step, find something you can actually eat. Avoid things found on the floor, moving things, or things that are clearly labeled 'not edible'." Me: "After that, you gotta find your mouth. I hope most of you know where it is, but just in case: the mouth is located under the nose, but above the chin." Me: "Move your jaw up and down in a motion most call 'chewing'." Friend: "Now, you do this funny little thing called swallowing. Try using your tongue to push the food to the back of your mouth, and then the next part should come instinctively." Me: "Now that you know how to eat, practice a bit, and repeat a few times a day until your inevitable death." Friend: "And that was 'How to eat, in a few easy steps!', presented by two homo sapiens." We were talking to another friend, if you wanted to know who we were presenting to. Edited March 30 by P4R4D0X 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4R4D0X Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 (edited) "Icelandic Hotdogs." "So, uh, there definitely is not an eight year old murderer by the name of [the person who said this quote] who lives in this neighborhood. Oh, and they definitely did not kill their adopted half brother." "Yeah, I technically need half a year more harp experience to be here, but who cares? [other human] started at around the same time as me, plus, we got permission from the event organizer (who is also our teacher)." "I want on my gravestone." Edited March 30 by P4R4D0X 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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