Garlic Bread Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 How does gender affect who you are romantically attracted to? I never understood how what gender someone identified as changed if you loved them or not. because a woman can still dress masculine and men can dress femininely and and same for non binary people. I don't understand what makes someone attracted to people so I don't understand this much. is it looks? personality? or something else? because none of them seem to have gender affecting them. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angrboda Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 For most it's probably either an attraction to a certain body type or err.. to people who possess certain body parts. Also, some may have certain types of styles or categories they prefer in a partner because the other person is relatable or because they feel like they balance each other out. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garlic Bread Posted September 10, 2022 Author Share Posted September 10, 2022 the body part is sort of irrelevant because I'm talking about gender not sex and also I don't understand how it is relevant by the fact that's sexual attraction not romantic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apex Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 I have a gender preference and I honestly don't know lol, it doesn't make sense to me either. I think it's just how my brain is wired. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeeperz_ Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 I personally don't get it, but I think it's just very nuanced. I also think it has a lot to do with different types of attraction. Someone could find men and women attractive but only want to sleep with women so they identify as just being romantically attracted to women because it would work better for their lifestyle to date someone they are also sexually attracted too. Someone could be aro and find men and women sexually attractive but only sleep with men because of trauma or finding it easier to be in qprs with men. I think it's just much to wide a spectrum to have one answer to. More of a case to case thing, you know? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garlic Bread Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 13 hours ago, Apex said: I have a gender preference and I honestly don't know lol, it doesn't make sense to me either. I think it's just how my brain is wired. i posted the same question on AVEN and no one also seems to know either but i am going to try and figure it out 13 hours ago, Fanz_0__Fire said: I personally don't get it, but I think it's just very nuanced. I also think it has a lot to do with different types of attraction. Someone could find men and women attractive but only want to sleep with women so they identify as just being romantically attracted to women because it would work better for their lifestyle to date someone they are also sexually attracted too. Someone could be aro and find men and women sexually attractive but only sleep with men because of trauma or finding it easier to be in qprs with men. I think it's just much to wide a spectrum to have one answer to. More of a case to case thing, you know? but if an asexual dated someone how would gender affect it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeeperz_ Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 5 hours ago, Garlic Bread said: but if an asexual dated someone how would gender affect it I'm not entirely sure, but I think my answer is still pretty close to the same. They may only feel romantic attraction to one gender. Or they may just choose for one reason or another that it's better for their current lifestyle to date one gender over the other. I really can't give a definitive answer to the question of asexuals because I myself am not asexual, but a lot of things go in to what attractions people have and which they act on. In the end, I think it's specific to individual people what gender/genders they are attracted to and which genders they choose to go out with. I'd imagine it's much the same as who aro people choose to be in qprs with in what I said before. Someone who is ace could probably give a better answer, but that's my understanding of it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Collie Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 I don't actually know. But aces who are alloromantic definitely have a gender they are attracted to. I think it's because at some level, most people are wired to be attracted to others. For most, sexual and romantic attractions tend to align. For those who it does not, those preferences for gender still remain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Lady Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 (edited) Very late to the party, but I have a response: I think one way it might work is if someone has different types depending on the gender. If they like girls who are more athletic for example, but prefer if men aren't. So for the people who were only attracted to women, they just wouldn't find any type of man attractive. I'm not really sure if that makes sense outside of my own head, but I hope it might have helped a little. Edited June 20 by Moth Lady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 53 minutes ago, Moth Lady said: Very late to the party, but I have a response: I think one way it might work is if someone has different types depending on the gender. If they like girls who are more athletic for example, but prefer if men aren't. So for the people who were only attracted to women, they just wouldn't find any type of man attractive. I'm not really sure if that makes sense outside of my own head, but I hope it might have helped a little. I generally just find girls more aesthetically attractive and not much else, in fact I feel a strong sense of discomfort when I worry one is flirting with me in some way. I literally don’t care what gender person I’m talking to, and overall the past “crushes” I had all had one thing in common: they all could hold a conversation and were generally nerds like me. I mistook platonic friendships for love. XD 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Lady Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 1 hour ago, HelloThere said: I generally just find girls more aesthetically attractive and not much else, in fact I feel a strong sense of discomfort when I worry one is flirting with me in some way. I literally don’t care what gender person I’m talking to, and overall the past “crushes” I had all had one thing in common: they all could hold a conversation and were generally nerds like me. I mistook platonic friendships for love. XD I can understand this a lot. I tend to feel a lot of aesthetic and sensual attraction, so I do feel the need to get close to people, but I don't want to date them. Usually when I thought I'd had crushes, I only thought the person was pretty and wanted to be close to them. Attraction can be confusing like that lol, unfortunately I think I've sent my fair share of wrong signals because of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picklethewickle Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 People aren't making a calculated choice on who they feel attraction toward. Being aro and ace, no one triggers a sense of attraction for me. Someone straight isn't making a list of reasons why the opposite sex is attractive and the same is not, it's simply that people of the opposite sex triggers the feeling of attraction and the romantic urges. People of the same sex do not. That extends to whatever gender the person prefers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Lady Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 22 minutes ago, Picklethewickle said: People aren't making a calculated choice on who they feel attraction toward. Being aro and ace, no one triggers a sense of attraction for me. Someone straight isn't making a list of reasons why the opposite sex is attractive and the same is not, it's simply that people of the opposite sex triggers the feeling of attraction and the romantic urges. People of the same sex do not. That extends to whatever gender the person prefers. If this is a response to my comment, I think there's a misunderstanding. What I meant is that it all happens subconciously, I was just trying to simplify and make sense of how attraction works. I understand if I worded it poorly, though, it's not something I can easily put into words. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Picklethewickle Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 @Moth Lady it wasn't really intended as a response, it was intended as my own understanding on attraction. I'm sorry it made you feel called out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moth Lady Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 4 minutes ago, Picklethewickle said: @Moth Lady it wasn't really intended as a response, it was intended as my own understanding on attraction. I'm sorry it made you feel called out. It's alright, my misunderstanding ^^ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Newest Fabled Creature Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 It's is rather hard to explain, which is kind of the answer I tend to get from alloromantics when I ask them just how exactly they experience romantic attraction, and my attempt at drawing conclusions is going to be lackluster, but being allosexual and specifically mspec (no specific label), it can be the physical aspect to someone I'm attracted to and personality (more so this sometimes), and I could experience as to why someone else whose allosexual is attracted to a certain person because of their body, but knowing the individual's gender can also play into effect somehow. So, I'm more easily attracted to men usually, though I can be attracted to women and non-binary people, and let's say I'm already attracted to an individual's looks - knowing their gender in some way can affect my sexual attraction depending on how attracted I am to that specific gender in the moment of time; so let's say I'm feeling more attracted to women and femme people for a bit, and I feel attracted to someone who typically looks feminine but identifies as a guy, I may experience a dwindling of attraction since at the moment I'm not heavily attracted to men (cis and trans). I assume from this experience in my sexuality, that it could possibly be the same for alloromantics, just in romantic attraction format, though my experience is more towards being multisexual, so... idk about people not attracted to multiple or all genders. Sorry if this comparison caused more confusion. ^^'' Since, I doubt I technically explained anything lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Well, I mean, I'm aroace, but I definitely prefer men for friendships and QPRs. I don't really why this bias exists, though. Hypothetically, I should be pan. But I'm not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloThere Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 19 minutes ago, alto said: Well, I mean, I'm aroace, but I definitely prefer men for friendships and QPRs. I don't really why this bias exists, though. Hypothetically, I should be pan. But I'm not. Yeah I’m biased towards gaming or talking with guys, but whoever is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SwiftySpeedy Posted June 20 Share Posted June 20 Uhhh errrr eeehhh i don't get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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