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can you be too young to know you are aro and or ace?


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I feel like for sexuality, anything pre-puberty is too young (this age will vary slightly person to person). For romantic orientation, you should be able to know when it's acceptable for your age to be dating.

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I think it's ok to id as aromantic or asexual anytime it feels right for you. If you're younger there's a higher chance you might change your labels later though. Remember whatever you feel is valid. You don't need a label to justify it (not saying that's how you feel but I think sometimes we want the label to kinda prove that what we're feeling is allowed)

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Who the fuck cares? Labels are for you, not your hypothetical future self. If it helps you to call yourself something now, go for it. If that changes in the future, then it changes. I don't know who's teaching kids these days that the things they call themselves in middle school or whatever are some big permanent life decision, but they need to shut up. When I was 13 I wanted to be an animator, now I'm in school for costume design, is anyone coming at me with torches and pitchforks over misidentifying? No. Just stay true to yourself in the moment and you're fine.

I mean I guess there is an argument to be made that kids are more susceptible to things like peer pressure and other external forces (homophobic parents, for example) influencing the way they identify, but as long as you're sure you're identifying a certain way because you feel that way and not because all your friends feel that way, or because it sounds like a more palatable alternative to feelings you don't want to address, or whatever, then I don't see an issue.

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I don't think the "too young" question is exclusive to aroace. Some people know for their whole lives that they're straight or gay or bi or ace (etc), and some people don't know until they're almost 70 years old. It works differently for every person.

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If you're 8 years old & you think things like kissing & romance are gross, I'm pretty sure that's just called 'being human'. If you're 16 years old & you think things like kissing & romance are gross, it might mean you're aro.

Edited by Angrboda
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2 hours ago, Angrboda said:

If you're 8 years old & you think things like kissing & romance are gross, I'm pretty sure that's just called 'being human'.

Yes, but it would be quite an exceptional 8 year old who knows and understands asexuality / aromanticism.

So in practice, I don't think "too young to know" is a huge issue.

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2 minutes ago, DeltaV said:

Yes, but it would be quite an exceptional 8 year old who knows and understands asexuality / aromanticism.

So in practice, I don't think "too young to know" is a huge issue.

Good point.

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Well, if you are cis and allo hetero, people never say, you are „too young“. They start to put their own cis allo heteronormative expectations on toddlers already

 

people who grow up queer are almost always told they are „too young“.

and, yeah, it may seem that aromanticism is a Orientation you can‘t figure out at a young age bc „you haven‘t met the right one“ in this age and „nobody is interested in romance in that age“. But that’s amatonormative bullshit.

people can know very young that they are gay, or hetero, or trans. So people clearly CAN know very young that they are aro. (But you have to remember that most kids with no interest in romance may still be alloromantic)

i mean, I knew at a very young age (looking back). I just didn‘t have the words. And I (wanted to) believe(d) when adults told me that „the one will come“.

I’m an aromantic adult now. And I was a aromantic kid. So, yeah, there ARE kids who are aro. And some of them know. The „only“ problem is, that nobody would listen to them nor take them serious

Edited by Acecream
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