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Amatonormativity/compulsory romance and Sexism


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One thing that came up is that the amatonormative tropes talked about are mixed in with sexism. For example the idea that stalking is sort of fine if it is done to pursue romance is an idea rooted in sexism.

So I thought it would be a good idea to start a thread discussing that link, the intersection between amatonormative ideas and sexism.

From my experience here are a couple of things I have experienced that are amatonormative but also linked to sexism.

  • being judged on my ability to 'pull' a woman as a measure of my worth.
  • the stereotype of the bachelor as an untidy slob living on beans on toast 3 times a day. (stemming from the idea that women do the housework so men must be crap at it, but also rooted in the idea of a romantic relationship as a way to complete you as a person, and that your single existance is going to be miserable)
  • family joking about my desire to learn at least some cooking (I distincty remember my grandad joking that I should just 'get a woman for that')

So what other things can people think of? what are your thoughts on this?


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I've definitely gotten the impression societal beliefs about romance are sexist, like the idea it should be men pursuing women and that men should pay for everything on dates while women are the more passive partner in pretty much all situations. With the level of importance of women in my life as all kinds of influences and all my close friends who have a binary gender, I sort of wonder now if that's a factor in my aromanticism as well as being related to one of the reasons I don't identify as a man. Definitely not all of it as I'm uncomfortable with romantic kissing and settings designed to be romantic, but it may be a factor.

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This is why amatonormativity (and all forms of heteronormativity) are rooted in the patriarchy, and also why (cishet) feminists should care about the aromantic (or more broadly, queer) experience. 

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