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    queer aroace
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  1. This sounds to me a lot like aegosexual. If you're familiar with aegosexuality, do you think there's a distinction somewhere? But because of the similarity that jumps out at me, I would say definitely aspec.
  2. Ian seems so cool! I hope they're doing well!
  3. @Karst Thanks! Yeah I think it makes sense to take my time on this. I think time can have a huge impact on shifting how you understand yourself. @Apex Thank you, that is a really helpful way of thinking about gender for me!
  4. Hi! Congrats on getting to this point of learning more about yourself! I am in my mid-twenties, but I also have Asian parents, and I'm also not sure about coming out to them. I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have to them. You say you kind of want to come out to your parents, what makes you feel that way? Is it important to you that they know about this part of yourself? For me, I'm still not sure. I'm not super close to my parents, and I don't think they would really understand. But also, I don't think they would outright reject me either. But right now, it's not so important for me. My parents hardly understand my job, so I don't really need them to understand that I'm aro and ace. That might change in the future. But for now, I'm just focused on building a better relationship with them as an adult. But I totally get that it's hard with Asian parents! There's this huge cultural gap and I imagine it would be very hard for them to grasp the complexity of attraction and identity. Good luck!
  5. Congrats on taking the step! I'm sorry I don't have too much advice since I have very little experience coming out to family. But it sounds like you've thought it through and you're prepared. You got this! Maybe one way to start the conversation is to preface that you're about to tell them something important, and tell them why it is important to you. That will hopefully put them in a more open-minded mindset. Good luck!
  6. You may be aegoromantic, someone who can only feel romantic attraction in fantasies but not in real life. Your experience sounds similar to mine. When I was a lot younger I would also have these fantasies, and I loved the idea of romance. But none of the boys I knew were attractive, at all. It took me ages to realise that I just didn't feel attraction to anyone.
  7. I enjoy doing many things alone. I've really gotten used to eating at restaurants by myself. It's no longer weird for me at all. It's usually more like I'll stop by for dinner somewhere on my way to or from somewhere. And because I'm busy and always on the move, it's kind of just convenient. It's not like I'm going on 'a date' by myself. Going to the cinema by myself is still a little bit weird, but I've done it quite a few times. But yeah, I wish it was more normalised to do things and go places alone.
  8. you might be aro if you've ever just looked at the least unappealing person in the room and thought... "do I have a crush on this person..." "do I...?!" (no. the answer was always no.)
  9. Yeah I guess I'm learning to do that a lot more now. And I think accepting that I am aro/ace has shifted a lot of those attitudes to gender. Thanks for your input! Thanks for sharing, that kinda helped! I guess it is a matter of looking within yourself, which is harder than it sounds 😅
  10. Hello, I have a question... I have been questioning my gender a little bit lately (as you do in a global pandemic) but I can't get over the difference between gender expression and gender identity. Like, all I keep asking myself is, how I feel presenting as fem or masc, what clothes I prefer - and I feel like these all have to do with expression. But how am I supposed to know my gender identity? Are they supposed to be separate? I have never experienced dysphoria/euphoria and I'm quite happy with my body because it's kind of naturally gender ambiguous. Apologies if this is a dumb question 😳 But I would be very interested to hear about other people's experiences of gender identity. How did you figure out your gender in relation to identity/expression?
  11. This is why amatonormativity (and all forms of heteronormativity) are rooted in the patriarchy, and also why (cishet) feminists should care about the aromantic (or more broadly, queer) experience.
  12. It definitely sounds like you're aro spec, and you don't *need* to know exactly where you fall within that. I've sort of given up trying to "figure out" my aro identity for now and I'm just being ok IDing as aro. Maybe something for me to revisit down the track. You don't need to ID as aro (yet) if you don't feel confident about it, but you can still find reassurance and guidance from the way that aros approach relationships and attraction (i.e. not feeling pressured to "do" romance in a conventional way). Just use the labels, identities and ways of thinking that are helpful to you. Sorry I don't have better advice, but you're doing great! Just getting to this point of questioning is already a huge step forward to getting to understand yourself.
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