Challenging amatonormativity guide

[Erederyn]

Hey all! So I've been working on a challenging amatonormativity guide and it is done, wooo. I'm posting this here because it is aimed at alloromantic folks (although could be useful for aros dealing with internalized amatonormativity). I'm hoping that allies that will use this guide in order to not only be better allies to aros, but to also actively challenge their own amatonormative standards. 

Feel free to share it, especially with people in your life who could benefit from learning about amatonormativity. And if there is anyone on the forums who consider themselves an ally to aros, please consider engaging with this material and spreading it in your circles. Challenging amatonormativity is not the responsibility of the aro community alone!

https://gracesofluck.wordpress.com/2021/04/29/challenging-amatonormativity-a-beginners-guide/

[vinniebandit]

This is nice. If it's OK with you, I'll attempt a French translation.

[Erederyn]

39 minutes ago, vinniebandit said:

This is nice. If it's OK with you, I'll attempt a French translation.

Thank you, that would be fantastic! I'm starting translator recruitments next week and will set up a folder sometime tomorrow. I'll send you the link once it's up. 

[Erederyn]

A French version is now available thanks to @vinniebandit and @Nessa!

https://gracesofluck.wordpress.com/2021/05/20/challenging-amatonormativity-a-beginners-guide-translations/

[atrocious_ar0mantic]

On 5/1/2021 at 4:05 AM, Erederyn said:

Hey all! So I've been working on a challenging amatonormativity guide and it is done, wooo. I'm posting this here because it is aimed at alloromantic folks (although could be useful for aros dealing with internalized amatonormativity). I'm hoping that allies that will use this guide in order to not only be better allies to aros, but to also actively challenge their own amatonormative standards. 

Feel free to share it, especially with people in your life who could benefit from learning about amatonormativity. And if there is anyone on the forums who consider themselves an ally to aros, please consider engaging with this material and spreading it in your circles. Challenging amatonormativity is not the responsibility of the aro community alone!

https://gracesofluck.wordpress.com/2021/04/29/challenging-amatonormativity-a-beginners-guide/

I can't emphasize enough how informative and well-executed this was

[Erederyn]

12 hours ago, aroace_auncle said:

I can't emphasize enough how informative and well-executed this was

Thank you for your nice comment! 

[Holmbo]

This is cool. Would you consider posting it directly on the webpage as well? Cause I think it can be more accessible than only as a separate document.

[Erederyn]

 

1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

This is cool. Would you consider posting it directly on the webpage as well? Cause I think it can be more accessible than only as a separate document.

Thank you! I've now also added the text directly onto the post!

[Mark]

On 5/1/2021 at 9:05 AM, Erederyn said:

Hey all! So I've been working on a challenging amatonormativity guide and it is done, wooo. I'm posting this here because it is aimed at alloromantic folks (although could be useful for aros dealing with internalized amatonormativity). I'm hoping that allies that will use this guide in order to not only be better allies to aros, but to also actively challenge their own amatonormative standards. 

Feel free to share it, especially with people in your life who could benefit from learning about amatonormativity. And if there is anyone on the forums who consider themselves an ally to aros, please consider engaging with this material and spreading it in your circles. Challenging amatonormativity is not the responsibility of the aro community alone!

https://gracesofluck.wordpress.com/2021/04/29/challenging-amatonormativity-a-beginners-guide/

A couple of things which might be worth adding would be
Mononormativity: the belief that exclusive dyadic relationships are the default, preferred, or normal mode of human relationships, especially intimate ones.
Romantic Coding: the belief that certain activities and behaviours are an essential part of romantic relationships and should not happen in other forms of relationships.

Other examples under "Structural/Institutional" Are social events, including those connected to employment, where attendance "with a partner" is the expectation or there is a substantial discount to tickers/membership for couples.

[Erederyn]

On 12/13/2021 at 2:04 PM, Mark said:

A couple of things which might be worth adding would be
Mononormativity: the belief that exclusive dyadic relationships are the default, preferred, or normal mode of human relationships, especially intimate ones.
Romantic Coding: the belief that certain activities and behaviours are an essential part of romantic relationships and should not happen in other forms of relationships.

Other examples under "Structural/Institutional" Are social events, including those connected to employment, where attendance "with a partner" is the expectation or there is a substantial discount to tickers/membership for couples.

Nice suggestions, thank you! I'll try to incorporate them when I get the chance

[Mark]

An issue with the Digging Deeper part is that many parts of it are rather US specific.
Most obviously is health insurance reference.

Imperialism and colonialism does not need to involve settlement or other forms of mass (even forced) migrations to change societies.
Rather understated is the role religion, especially Christianity, in terms of colonialism.
Marriage, including monogamous marriage, long predates romance. With romantic marriage and amantonormativity replacing arranged marriage. It's also notable as recently as the 19th century, maybe into the 20th, arranged marriage was still commonplace within Europe.
A connection with "capitalism" fails to explain how amantonormativity exists within Eastern Europe, the former USSR and China.
 

Edited December 18, 2021 by Mark

[Erederyn]

On 12/15/2021 at 2:11 PM, Mark said:

An issue with the Digging Deeper part is that many parts of it are rather US specific.
Most obviously is health insurance reference.

Imperialism and colonialism does not need to involve settlement or other forms of mass (even forced) migrations to change societies.
Rather understated is the role religion, especially Christianity, in terms of colonialism.
Marriage, including monogamous marriage, long predates romance. With romantic marriage and amantonormativity replacing arranged marriage. It's also notable as recently as the 19th century, maybe into the 20th.
A connection with "capitalism" fails to explain how amantonormativity exists within Eastern Europe, the former USSR and China.
 

Yeah, for sure. My intent was less so on a broad international perspectives because I wouldn't be able to capture all the different nuances. Some others have commented also about how amatonormativity is different in Eastern societies, for example, and that maybe the term isn't even truly appropriate outside of Western contexts anyway. 

[Guest Newcomer]

If I can offer a perspective as a person of Russian culture, the traditional Russian culture wasn't amatonormative. Love and positive relationship between spouses were more seen as platonic. There surely is folk songs etc. that describes romance, but acknowledging romance exists isn't the same as being focused solely on it. As far as I can tell, any big romance-obsession was caused by contact with the Western culture of 18-19th centuries, and literature written in Western traditions. (Sure our classical literature isn't just a carbon copy of Western culture but reflects layers of ours even if incorporating some Western aspects too, but a lot of popular city culture of those times was a carbon copy off the West) There were even jokes/stories how writers thinking in Western romantic values addressed to the countryside people in search of "pastoral romantic" plots Western-style but the people had no idea what they want. 

(Curious fact: If you want me to name a well-known Russian classical work that is strongly aphobic, it's the opera Snow Maiden, which may look "authentic" due to Slavic Pagan/folklore motives. But it isn't, it was written in late 19th century based on a play written also in late 19th century by a playwright who mostly wrote satire and social criticism and most likely meant it as criticism of aphobia if anything - but the composer very excited for Pagan aesthetics took it in face value. Despite a folktale of same name existing, the story in the opera is NOT authentic to folklore, and I studied our folklore a lot) 

I'd say until now it's kind of a duality. Can't say much of the USSR culture in regarding to amatonormativity, but both in the classical literature period and currently, people who act amatonormative are more like chasing Western fashions, and those who aren't have much more calm stance towards romance.