What does sexual attraction feel like?

[BuySomeCheese]

Basically the title lol. I’m trying to identify the different types of attraction I feel towards people, and I’ve seen enough posts talking about what platonic attraction vs romantic attraction to have an idea about what the differences mean to me rn. It’s the difference between sexual and romantic attraction that’s not making sense yet so it’d be nice if some of y’all who feel sexual attraction could describe it!! Thank you!!

[roboticanary]

Sorry but the only explanation I can give seems rather blunt. I look at someone and think 'I'd fuck them'.

Can't really give much more than that. I desire sex, I try to get other people to have sex with me. At least in my case its a fairly simple desire.

As for the difference, the only way I can put it is that I want to fuck but I don't want to romance.

[BuySomeCheese]

That actually makes a lot of sense and is a lot easier than I thought it’d be thank you lol

[ScarfOfSexualPreference]

Yeah, and sexual attraction isn't necessarily connected to libido. Sexual attraction applies to one person or group of people (men, people your age, etc). Wanting sex vs. wanting sex with a specific someone

[eatingcroutons]

.

Edited September 1, 2021 by eatingcroutons

[roboticanary]

One thing that might be useful is a guy called Nik Hampshire did a really good set of videos with the titles 'being aromantic while not asexual'

 

I remember this being recommended a while back in another thread and I would say there is a benefit from listening to someone setting their ideas out in a video rather than a short comment.

[BuySomeCheese]

5 hours ago, roboticanary said:

One thing that might be useful is a guy called Nik Hampshire did a really good set of videos with the titles 'being aromantic while not asexual'

 

I remember this being recommended a while back in another thread and I would say there is a benefit from listening to someone setting their ideas out in a video rather than a short comment.

Oh thank you for suggesting him, he’s got quite a few videos on that and I think that’ll be really helpful!!!

[aro_elise]

On 2/18/2021 at 3:59 PM, roboticanary said:

I look at someone and think 'I'd fuck them'.

yup, that's it.  i want to do sexual but not romantic things with them.  and it's pretty much immediate, unless you're demi, i guess, because for me it's mostly based on looks, but demeanour, personality, talent, or whatever can increase or decrease my level of attraction to some extent.    

[eatingcroutons]

On 2/22/2021 at 2:03 AM, roboticanary said:

One thing that might be useful is a guy called Nik Hampshire did a really good set of videos with the titles 'being aromantic while not asexual'

Oh interesting, I'd be curious to see how others feel about the experience! Do you know if there's a transcript anywhere? 

[roboticanary]

On 2/25/2021 at 9:48 AM, eatingcroutons said:

Do you know if there's a transcript anywhere? 

sadly no, its all video as far as I can tell

[Aimee03]

On 2/22/2021 at 4:58 AM, aro_elise said:

i want to do sexual but not romantic things with them.  and it's pretty much immediate

Whoa...okay wow

Well. My ace status has been confirmed ?

[Aimee03]

Coming back to this to add a question if anyone is comfortable answering (if it’s already been answered, sorry for the repeat).

With sexual attraction, do you like...see random people out in public and feel sexually attracted to them? Does it occur frequently?? Did it begin at/around puberty?

?

[eatingcroutons]

14 hours ago, Aimee03 said:

With sexual attraction, do you like...see random people out in public and feel sexually attracted to them? Does it occur frequently?? Did it begin at/around puberty?

I personally do, absolutely. I mean there are levels of it - it's not often that I see someone I find hot enough to be outright distracting. But I definitely notice when I find someone sexually attractive. And there have been times I've approached and hooked up with people purely because I find them physically attractive.

I can't say when exactly it started but I was definitely finding specific people attractive by the time I was a teenager.

[Aimee03]

@eatingcroutons wow! thanks for replying :)

[aro_elise]

yeah random people or even pictures, like that's pretty much how dating apps work for allo aros/people looking for casual sex, i swipe right on a guy if i think he's hot, which basically means i could see myself sleeping with him--with levels (as @eatingcroutons put it) varying from 'maybe' to 'yes please!'  in total it's no more than 1% of guys in my preferred age range; i believe that's more selective than most people and that it varies a lot.

i definitely found boys cute by age 7, and as i got older, that just sort of developed into sexual attraction, like 'he's cute' became 'he's cute, i'd do him.'  haha sorry, just trying to be descriptive.

[Aimee03]

@aro_elise wow, thanks!! ?

I feel like such a weirdo since I’ve never experienced anything like that.
 

My poor aroace self trying to use dating apps ?? no wonder I hate them. It all makes sense now. 

[DeltaAro]

On 3/1/2021 at 10:32 PM, Aimee03 said:

no wonder I hate them.

I hate them, too but I'm not aroace. Ok, not the apps themselves (I'm not a Luddite!*) but rather the social stuff connected with it. Why did you even try them? Seems like confusing the goal with the means to achieve the goal.

* Ok, probably I am. But the meaning of the word has changed; In the 1980s Silicon Valley was still about actual SILICON. And the tech industry about technology (and so a Luddite was a technophobe). But now the most admired "tech" companies rather belong to the culture business ... and I don't like some parts of that culture...

[Aimee03]

@DeltaV I just tried them because, you know, allonormativity. Thought that I should try them in the off chance that I might “find someone”. Lol! It was before I figured out I’m aroace though 

[InvertedRainbow]

.

Edited September 14, 2021 by InvertedRainbow