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About DeltaV

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  1. Very nice. I should've added: not on aro related social media. On this board I've already seen it once before.
  2. Still the original question was about close friends who have sex, and I really don't have ever heard of that. The topic is very sensitive and honest information isn't easy to get. Still, people straight-forwardly told me about non-serious flings and basically booty-call relationships.
  3. Rene Descartes. A known from Ghost in the Shell, though Bato misrepresents him there. What's this hairstyle called? It's not a knot but a brush. No matter how much Sekiro gets pummeled in the game (the hardest I know), his haircut never takes damage. 🙃
  4. It would be interesting if there was a culture where women had shorter hair than men. I vaguely remember that Spartan men had all long hair, but the married women had short hair.
  5. Yes. It only has a standard aro-community meaning, which doesn't conform to the general use. The general use tends more in the direction of "non-physical" and comes from a distortion of Plato's Symposium and Phaedrus (he does not exclude sexuality absolutely, especially not in Phaedrus). What word should we use then? The Greek and Latin root words for "friend" are occupied and overused: Amic* and phil*. Perhaps we go with Hebrew as the third classical language (well, Georg Cantor did that for set theory ℵ !!). Friend is chaver in Hebrew... reminds me too much of "chav"! Ok, Sanskrit then! That would be sakhi. Sakhiatic attraction? I'm giving up. Any ideas? Merriam Webster is the only definition which mentions absence of romance. Oxford says not sexual. Cambridge is much the same. Urban dictionary ditto. vocabulary.com says not sexual or physical. Ok, aplatonic is such a minefield that "I'm aplatonic, ..." could be the intro of some risqué joke.
  6. "Return of investment" is tricky. You save effort by communicating faster but everyone involved has to invest into learning the vocabulary first. If you're not in aro circles and want to talk a lot about feelings, it's like learning Emacs for writing a birthday letter to your Mom.
  7. I thought that "platonic attraction" : "squish" ~ "romantic attraction" : "crush". "the attraction" : "a strong but temporary peak of this attraction" I guess few people have a crush on their spouse of ten years, but romantic attraction sure.
  8. Since aromanticism feels so normal to me, aro women on average don't stick out compared to other women in any way. I mean, if I hear "X is aromantic" I don't get* an instinctive reaction of "Whaaat?" when it's revealed that X is a woman. Never imagined that someone would identify as agender because of aromanticism. But yes, online you often see those two together...
  9. Bad if those two meanings get confused: That word is a minefield.
  10. I don't really like the concept of romantic love overall. The only aspect which I like in isolation is it being romantic as in "the romantic era", i.e. placing intense emotion above rationality. To name only the most off-putting thing about romantic love: it's usually gendered (the attraction is restricted to people of the "right gender") and then ON TOP OF THIS it is experienced and conceptualized as the most wonderful and loftiest feeling of all to the point of giving it a spiritual dimension.
  11. Difficult to say. The man had the choice between subjecting somebody to an evil act or being punished by an even greater evil act. Yes, yes, I meant he died two years after she became queen, which was 1504. You are right, they were married 8 years before - she couldn't have that half a dozen children in that short time, of course. It was arranged, but her father didn't have to do be pushy here. It's really rare in high nobility for such feelings be present right at the start. The question is what should motivate people to marry if not romantic love or outside pressure? And sure, compatibility can happen even in arranged, even in downright forced marriages. It does probably not get any worse than the Khmer Rouge marriages. Still even in this case a lot of those couples happily lived together and did not split after the regime was toppled. It's one of the most baffling things to me, that being assigned to marry a random stranger under threats of extreme violence and death can have a better end result as marriage out of romantic love. Some did get a real marriage ceremony after that, a voluntary one. But obviously, regardless of how happy the couple lived together afterwards it does not excuse what they had been subjected to in the beginning.
  12. Theologians of the middle ages could write a big tome on marriage and not mention love once. It was all about sex and children. The problem I have with this argument though is that marriages not based on romantic love were bad practices. They shouldn't be seen with rose tinted aro glasses. Not because of the lack of romantic love but because there was coercion involved to different degrees. They exist on a continuum of harm. Usually harm for the woman or more so for her. The most "egalitarian" practice is also the worst and modern: The forced marriages of the Khmer Rouge. People were assigned to marry random strangers without having any choice in it. If the woman refused to have sex with her "husband", she was raped. If the man refused to rape his "wife", he was killed. For traditional arranged marriages we often think just of family pressure. But e.g. the "free women" in Ancient Athens didn't get an education and were married at a very young age to a man 15 years older or so. That's again a much more sinister practice. When a 30 year old man has a subservient uneducated teenager as his wife (he probably held her in contempt). To put it very mildly... So I simply don't know historical marriage practices which are 100% benign (no coercion) and do not involve romance. For children it's different. We know cultures where it's normal that children are born and raised with no romance involved and there still isn't something bad going on. Before the last two centuries or so depictions of anything which could be "romance" were rare in literature and seen as universally tragic when they did show up. With motion pictures being too recent an invention to have existed in pre-romantic societies. I find the story of Joanna of Castile one of the most absurd ones. Historically proven is that she managed to get into a marriage based on passionate romantic love; with Philip the Handsome. That was quite rare for high nobility. Sadly he died only two years later. There are accounts (since it's not Halloween, I keep it short) that she couldn't accept this loss; exhumed her dead husband's corpse and even traveled around with his coffin and let it open from time to time, to kiss him etc. She was called Juana la Loca and declared insane, unable to govern and put into the care of nuns. Probably nothing of that Halloween story ever happened and it's just propaganda for political reasons. The point is, at those times people generally accepted this to be highly pathological behavior (if it was propaganda, it was done for exactly this reason). Nowadays you can't even be sure of that! If you tell this story, there are always some people who are like: "But.... noooo she wasn't insane!!! *sigh* 💗 She was just too struck by grief and mourning her husband. If that's insane then love is a mental illness!!!"
  13. Ok, the difficulties start with the basic statistic: the birth rate, which you cite. It is the easiest measure to define and calculate. The number of live births per thousand of population per year. It has a long lag. If in the recent past women didn't have a lot of children, it will still be low regardless if the birth rate in younger women has increased. There are fewer women in childbearing age that even can be mothers, yet, to put a not too fine point on it, all those middle aged and old people are still around. So if a country has a low birth rate and you look at explanations in the present, that will be misleading. As you say, regarding Japan we think of "Marriage to Hatsune Miku", but seriously – for the actual reasons you must also include at least the 90s. A woman which was 45 in 2000 is 65 now and likely still alive. So what did she do in 1975 - 2000? The same is roughly true for men. There's theoretically a lot of more leeway here, but in practice when people marry their ages are not thaaat far apart. And in the 80s or 90s there wasn't a Hatsune Miku. I'm not knowledgeable enough regarding Japan to do more than speculation. So are the stories about "salarymen" exaggerated? Like the insane shifts, sometimes with up to 40 hours overtime a week? If they're more or less true, I wonder how they even manage to date at all. it would be interesting to know more about the blue-collar workers in Japan, if it's different for them. One would assume, because for physical labor the negative effects of such overwork are much more serious. What's about the birth rate dependent on socioeconomic group?
  14. I don't think that all hope is lost; maybe it might happen that you convert such a friendship to a romantic relationship. I'm rather clueless about alloromantics but I think that they have difficulties with that, though. Still it's not impossible. Not to be disrespectful but I always wonder what that phrase means. If it just means to be alone in the last final hours, I don't know what's so bad about it. This can often not be avoided, like in the case of accidents. If it's about loneliness in late-life going on for years, that's something different.
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