Gender preference for squishes?

[aro_elise]

a post here made me think about this.  i can't remember seeing anyone say anything about gender being a factor in terms of squishes/platonic attraction but maybe that's because i don't expect to.  i've always had squishes on all genders, like it doesn't make a difference.  ok, if it's a guy, sometimes i'll also be sexually attracted to him, but that's unrelated--his gender isn't a factor in my platonic attraction to him.  to me, gender being a factor is a sexual and romantic orientation thing, except panromantic/pansexual, of course, but i don't call myself panplatonic or whatever because i thought everyone was.  so if your experience is different, would you explain that?  i hope i included sufficient options.  thanks.

[Guest Anonymous]

That's an interesting question. If I had to give myself a queer/quasiplatonic label (describing the gender of those I'd have 'squishes' on) I think I'd choose pan. 

Yet in reality, I've only really had 'squishes' (in quotations as I'm not sure what to call them, it feels strange to categorize my feelings towards them as other than platonic, though I know that isn't what a squish really is) on females. 

And somehow I don't think this would change my hypothetical queerplatonic label. Pan feels more spot on, more right than homoplatonic, and I wonder if this is because the difference between my feelings for those girls didn't differ enough from my feelings for them as friends? It even doesn't feel quite right to call them squishes. Maybe they were, and I'm too sensitive about my feelings being skewed towards the romantic side by how I view a word. (again, squish isn't describing romantic attraction, I realize this and don't mean to make it seem that way, it's just that equating it with a aromantic crush brings it too close to the unreachable 'crush' to me). 

Also, I feel I probably just bond more easily with females in general, which would explain that tendency. I suppose I could technically be homoplatonic, but I'd rather not label myself as such.

[roboticanary]

Ok, I'm not sure on this one. I can get a squish, or at least what sounds like how other people who describe a squish, with anyone. However the way it happens for me seems to vary.

Could possibly be years and years of life experience and learning about how I am expected to interact with different people has had an effect on me. I cant just get rid of years of growing up which make it easier to socialise with some people, who tend to be men, than others.

 

[arofox]

This really is very interesting to think about!

When I get squishes, its just guys. I do meet girls or enbys I like to be friends with, but never get these squish feelings with them.

If I think about it, I do had similar feelings for two or three girls I met, but they all fit into my "type" of people I get aesthetically attracted to. I'm not 100% sure they were squishes. Its two years now since it happend and I never had these kind of feelings for someone else than a guy ever again, so it probably was just aesthetic attraction.

Which means that yes, I do seem to have a gender preference for my squishes

Edited December 29, 2021 by arofox

[BloodyBlood]

heh ngl im nto sure but i thing it really effect me when i get squishes, probably cause i usually avoid to be friend with boys etc and i feel usually closer to girls 

btw srry if i send this reply i just really like to write comments, srry if i made anyone sad Q-Q 

[Robin144]

For a while I thought I got squishes at boys only and didn't know why. But now I have 2 squishes who aren't boys (girl and enby). I found out I actually have never cared about gender. I have squishes on autistic people only and for a long time I  didn't know any autistic people who weren't boys.

[alto]

I only squish on boys and the occasional girl.  But really, my female squishes are so rare that I usually don't take them into consideration and I consider myself "straight"

[DeltaAro]

I don’t notice a difference regarding squishes for me, it depends on personality, maybe age to a minor degree, but not gender.

But I still notice gender in general. I mean girls / women are on average more emotionally open, which I strongly prefer.

[DaviM703]

I get squishes on women and non-binary people, sometimes transmasc people but never cisgender men. May be related to differences in social norms and typical social behaviors by which the male norms involve less personal connection and are more just about doing stuff together which isn't a type of friendship I get that much out of. I know there are some exceptions to this but I perceive most cis men as less like me until I learn otherwise.

[Collie]

I think as a kid I probably had squishes on boys (and assumed they were crushes), but 100% of my squishes as an adult have been with AFAB people

[Pyr]

I get squishes on mostly girls, but I've had squishes on all gender. I guess that would make me omniplatonic, but TBH I don't think about -platonic labels to describe myself very much.

I think the squishes I have on girls are also stronger than others. I think It could also be that I'm slightly paranoid about befriending men, after having multiple experiences discovering a guy being nice to me actually had a crush on me. (Now, wheneverI meet new people, regardless of gender, I spend good time replaying our interactions and trying to confirm that they aren't crushing on me :P)