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sad aro vibes


arohoneybee
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sometimes i really wish i wasn’t aro. 
i’m so lonely all the time, and i’ve always found myself wanting a relationship. maybe i want a qpr, i’m not certain. 
i just wish i could feel romantic attraction, it seems so much “easier” to form meaningful relationships that way. 
i want someone to live with, to hold my hand, hug, and cuddle me when things get rough. someone to read books to and make hot drinks for. someone for me to support and to support me. someone who will notice when i’m not feeling well. someone, anyone, so that i won’t die alone.

i don’t know what to do. i’d love to hear anything anyone has to say on the matter.

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I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel this loneliness too. I accept and embrace my aro-ness, and it's not something I would change about myself, but it is hard. I want similar things that you mentioned and it can be so frustrating because it feels so much more difficult to have this as an aro person. Whenever I feel like this, I try to tell myself that it's not myself I wish were different but more that I wish society were different so that we could more easily have the relationships we want. Maybe that's a way to look at it? I do still hope and try, though, to form meaningful relationships regardless. But yeah, it sucks sometimes.... Anyway, I don't really have anything very constructive or uplifting to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I very much empathize. 

Edited by Erederyn
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I know this feeling very well. I thought I can trust to one person, everything looked it is on good way to make a qpr but without any warning the person started to ignore me and was very cold towards me. I was ready to support them anytime they would want to and they treated me like a toy that can be tossed if you’re bored with it. They didn’t care about my feelings and being fair. It happened recently, a few days ago and ended up yesterday’s evening. I was like: ’how could you thinking about dating somebody when you had me very close and I was ready to do many things to make you feel better’. These type of experiences are making me think ’I’m not enough to them’.

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no idea what to do about it, but this does hit me as well. It sometimes helps just to know that other aros are feeling the same struggle. It is frustrating, it seems like a point of doom and gloom, but there are at least people who can hear my complaints and sympathise with how I feel.

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  • 1 month later...

It's a late reply, but I can definitely relate to your feelings. To me this is still a very new development though, I used to not care about it for the most part of my life. What changed me is dealing with broken trust and a lost friendship that made me realize I can have bonds as well (when it was already too late). It might sound weird, but a year ago I read a book where the unconditional trust and strong bond between the characters impressed me (ignoring the romance part of it) and I started to wish for something like a qpr where two people rely on and trust each other on a platonic level, but at the same time my previous experience makes me reluctant to trust too deeply. 

I hope you, and all the others who wish for it, will find a trustworthy companion.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Same feeling here. I'm used to being alone, but sometimes I get lonely. (I've never been good at making friends, either.) The idea of romance still baffles me, but when I see people who are genuinely happy together, I wish I had what they do.

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I highly relate to this. I really wish it were easier for people like us to form relationships, or just be tbh, but it's super hard to exist as an aro in this romance saturated world. It is really lonesome and isolating. I still hold out hope that things can get better, though. I hope the same holds true for you, too.

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Virtual hugs to you! I can relate to this so much, especially as an autistic person who is also aro. I have the issues of living in a romance saturated world, but also having issues navigating social situations as well. I really hope you figure things out :)

What I've done to deal with this is join a penpal website, join every forum that I can think of that's related to my interests, think about getting a dog, and going to groups on Meetup.com (many meetings are virtual) though i'm worried that doing all of this is a distraction from loneliness, but at least it's a coping mechanism, I suppose.

 

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I agree with Erederyn. I am extremely lonely as well, but I'm trying to modify my thinking to "why does the world insist on me changing and not society?" But I absolutely feel everything you said. It sucks. I don't feel any close relationship with pretty much anyone, but I want to. I want someone to take care of me, someone I can feel for, but it's not been happening and it's possible it never will. While modifying your thinking is not going to be a quick fix, it will help in the long run. In the meantime, I'm sure this community will be here for you when you need it.

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