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Intimacy repulsed... in a different way


lindi
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I have seen a lot of talk about people being repulsed by different kinds of physical intimacy, but I can't be the only one who is more or less repulsed by emotional intimacy. People attempting to gain emotional intimacy with me make me feel suffocated and trapped... and also raise suspicions in me, that they have ulterior motives.

I mean, maybe if a relationship of complete trust and mutual respect has formed over the years, I could be okay with that to some degree, but the way how people act so emotionally affectionate towards each other when barely knowing each other, is a definite "turn-off" to me both platonically and romantically.

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I also suspect ulterior motives or think that people don't know me well enough and will stop liking me after they get to know me better... it's a self-esteem issue in my case, I can't judge yours. Another explanation is that I trust people less than most others do.

 

If your repulsion is distressing you, it's known as intimaphobia, but it's not a disease if you're OK with living with it.

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1 minute ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

I also suspect ulterior motives or think that people don't know me well enough and will stop liking me after they get to know me better... it's a self-esteem issue in my case, I can't judge yours. Another explanation is that I trust people less than most others do.

I don't think I have an issue with self-esteem, but I don't deny having various other issues (like commitment phobia and a general distrust). Also, it could be a perfectly realistic estimate, that people will stop liking me if they truly get to know me xD I mean, sometimes people obviously have a false idea of what I'm like, and like me for that. Frustratingly, even if I tell them that I'm not really like that, they hardly take it seriously.

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Try figuring out which categories of people will like you with all your shortcomings. You're not necessarily too bad objectively, it might be that you're searching for real-life friends at wrong places. If you like yourself, there's probably someone who would like you enough if they knew you, unless you're totally unusual.

 

This does sound like 'things romantics say' but I can't understand why you call the estimate 'perfectly realistic' and yet claim that your self-esteem is normal.

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I'd much rather talk about things and tell jokes to people than do emotional stuff because I don't want to make people sad and I don't want people to make me sad. As for coping with emotions I ask what's causing them and work from there. Plus time heals all wounds.

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I find it highly questionable too, when strangers try to be emotionally intimate with me, but not because of the emotional intimacy itself. In the past, every stranger who was immediately emotionally intimate with me eventually started using me as their therapist. We were never friends--I was their emotional caretaker. And I hate that.

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In fact, this week, a stranger (hetero-everything cis-male) on another forum has (jocularly or maybe not) asked me to be his BFF, basing on what he had read in my prior weird (funny to some) posts that apparently made him my fanboy, but I'm not really into himself or his utopic startup project :ph34r: I have no idea how to respond to his sudden and poorly thought-out request, haha.

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I often felt that way when I was in relationships and dates in the past.

I couldn't fathom the intensity and depth of their emotion. (I kind of got the idea but only hypothetically. Afterall, my mind didn't seem to work the same way as they did.)

It wasn't like I didn't trust them all the time, and sometimes I liked them of my own accord. 

But no matter how long I've known them, that kind of strong affection and so-called-love directed towards me always made me feel trapped and look for an escape route. :ph34r: eep.

 

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I've never really been emotionally intimate with anyone, so I wouldn't know if I don't like it. I know that any physical contact beyond a handshake is extremely awkward for me though.

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This is kind of like how my romance repulsion works. When I was in relationships, emotional intimacy made me feel suffocated and trapped. This is only within the context of a romantic relationship where the other person has a crush on me and I personally don't experience that kind of repulsion outside of that context

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